


Ocean Rhapsody

by skindyedblue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Death Eaters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gen, M/M, Magic, Marauders AU, Marauders' Era, Mild Language, Minor Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 56,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skindyedblue/pseuds/skindyedblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fighting between various merfolk territories had been persisting for years, politics and fealty rising and falling with the tides. Lupin Territory had once been prosperous and great, brokering alliances and treaties from one shore to another. That was years ago, now they were running out of options and running out of time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Remus couldn't remember a time when the territories weren’t in the habit of employing mercenaries. Merfolk for hire, usually in roving bands or companies, who were willing to pillage and kill in exchange for the right price. It was more common to deal in magically imbued items, however money was gone within a matter of days, but pieces of magic could be used again and again. In his father’s time, Lupin Territory had conquered vast areas and entered into a time of prosperity, but then… his mother’s death had drastically reduced their abilities to barter with other territories. No one else had her ability to transfer magic and it did not take long for the treasury, and the merfolk that filled it, to feel the sting.

Lyall had done what he could to plan well for such a possibility, keeping a reserve of imbued items to use in emergency or when money was not adequate. Over time, however, word spread that the once glorious territory was rapidly losing its hold on its conquered lands and merpeople. The regiments that had kept their borders safe gradually dwindled, troops deserting their posts and leaving wide expanses of ocean open to attack.

That had been years ago.

Now the territory was reduced to bringing in mercenaries too green and fresh to know how to fight and too dull-witted to defend the regions they were paid to guard. They were being whittled down in bits and pieces, soon enough there would be nothing left.

“Remus!” The heavy baritone echoed. “Come here, we need to discuss something.”

He sighed, making his way down the empty corridor. The stronghold had once been beautiful, covered in well maintained corals, abundant and vibrant with color. The merfolk of the territory had called it their jewel. It made Remus’ heart ache to see what it had become; dull and empty, many of the inhabitants having fled to safer places or new territories altogether.

It took some time to locate his father. He eventually found him swimming listlessly, pacing the length of his study. In the privacy of their home he didn’t bother with the garments and armor that declared his status as chieftain. Much of it was to hide the marks of war and conquest that littered his body, Remus knew. Knotted scars that tugged awkwardly at his skin, mottling his scales and in some places being sliced away completely. In the dim light of the study his scars were shown in sharp relief. Most of the marks were years old now yet they still looked dark and angry, as though refusing to heal. Remus cleared his throat as he approached.

“You called for me?”

Lyall said nothing for several moments, his attention focused solely on the large map tacked to a table. On it were markers, indicating the locations of their mercenary ships, as well as the limited troops they had placed throughout their territory. “You are to take an envoy to Ottery St Catchpole," he said without looking up. "Once there you will meet with the Fawcetts to discuss a potential union of our territories.”

Remus’ eyes snapped up. “Ottery St Catchpole is barely connected to our territory, Father. You can’t expect that they will--”

“I expect that they will agree to the annexation of our territories. There have already been discussions for some time on how this alliance would offer mutual protection from Nurmengard and Grimmauld.”

“But wouldn’t it be wiser to send someone else? I’ve hardly ever left the city, let alone the territory in years.”

“You are leaving at first light and that is final, Remus.” Lyall glared, his tail swishing angrily as he looked over at his son. “We are out of options. You are my son, and therefore you are allowed to speak in my stead. It is your duty, and I expect you to perform it.”

Remus looked away, his nails digging into the flesh of his palms. “Whom am I to bring?” he asked quietly.

“Pettigrew, Doge, and the Prewett brothers. They are readying the supplies you will need,” he said, looking back at the map and repositioning the southernmost regiment then nodded. “Doge will brief you if necessary.”

Remus held back a sigh, swimming out of the room. What could he possibly say? ‘No, I don’t want to see my home and everything I know passed over to another territory that up until recently hated us, let’s try something else instead’? There were no options left to them, his father was right. If they continued on the path they were on Lupin Territory would fall within a matter of months, perhaps a year at best. Knowing that did not ease the sting of it though.

Taking his time meandering down to the courtyard he could hear Peter and the twins before he saw them, their voices echoing against the stone walls.

“Is this all we have for rations? The journey is going to take several days at least.”

“Well, if we run out we can always eat you.”

There was the sound of something being tossed and a loud _oof!_ followed by laughter. “Not if we eat you first, Gideon.”

“I’m _Fabian_!”

“Whichever. One twin would taste just as fine as the other.”

“I wouldn't be so sure. You might have an easier time with Doge,” Remus grinned as he swam around the corner, three faces looking up in surprise.

Peter had one of the twins in an arm lock, his yellow tail wrapping around the other merman for added leverage. While he wasn’t as muscular as either of the twins Peter knew how to maneuver himself by using his size and weight to subdue them whenever they sparred. At hearing Remus he let go, smiling widely as he swam over, “Well, if we can’t eat them we’ll be done for. Can’t you get your father to increase the provisions?”

Remus huffed, shaking his head, “You're luck would be as good as mine.”

Gideon tugged Fabian up off the sand and they exchanged a glance. The twins were nearly identical, their tails and fins both had a mottling of red, orange, and black. As children Peter and Remus had always compared them to clownfish. Tilting his head Remus thought the presumption was still valid . It was only by their hair that one could tell the twins apart. While Gideon had grown his longer over the years Fabian had kept his cropped short, as was the style for their territory.

The three mermen had been his friends since childhood. In those first months after Hope's murder Remus had hid himself away, willing himself to disappear. No matter how his words stung they still worked to draw him out into the world again, offering him comfort and friendship. He knew they never expected anything in return, which only made his heart ache further. Remus had argued with Lyall to ensure that they, as well as their families, would have safe lodgings within the stronghold. It was a small gift in comparison he knew, but it was all he could offer. The twins knew better than most that outside of the stone walls there was limited protection. Several years prior, following an attack on the Prewett homestead, their sister had relocated with her husband and children, leaving much of her family behind.

“So is that a 'no' then?” Peter asked, pulling Remus out of his thoughts.

Remus sighed, “The likelihood of my father agreeing to provisions is about the same as him cancelling the journey all together.”

“Your talk went that well, hm?” said Gideon. He tried to keep his tone light, but the worry that creased his brow was unmistakable.

Remus helped them finish packing, explaining the short conversation before flopping back on to a rock and sighing.

“The Fawcetts are a good option. Ideally, there wouldn't be any annexing at all, but if you have to choose…” Fabian’s voice was quiet as his words faded in to silence.

“And what if they don’t want to annex their territories with ours? What if we travel all that way only to realize that it was all for naught?” Remus said, scrubbing his face roughly and letting out a groan. The others said nothing.

* * *

The next morning came murky and quiet, even the current that swept through the city seemed to have dampened overnight. There was no one, save a handful of attendants and passersby, to see them off. Remus’ father was not among them. He adjusted his satchel, trying to dislodge the sense of foreboding that rested between his shoulder blades. The only member of their party who did not seem remotely concerned was Elphias Doge, who continually prattled on about the itinerary for the day.

The older merman was fast for his age, keeping pace with the twins easily. His bright yellow tail had faded to a dusty brown as he had grown older, matching the brown and silver of his hair. In his youth he had been a great strategist, and his ability to negotiate was second only to Remus’ father. With any luck he would lead any diplomatic discussions that were to be had.

“If we continue at this pace, we should reach the first checkpoint with more than enough time to set up camp,” said Doge humming with pleasure, rather proud of this discovery.

“Camp?” Remus stared at him. “Is that really the wisest decision?”

“Ha! I had the same conversation with your father. However, he gave very good reasoning; since only a very select few know that we are traveling to Catchpole, and even fewer of those number know why, it’s for the best that we keep this quiet. Requesting accommodations would more likely than not arouse suspicion.”

Remus chewed the inside of his cheek but said little. To Doge, his father’s word was essentially law, and the merman was not one to swim in the face of such things. Perhaps that was why he had been kept on as private counselor when most of the staff attending the Lupin family had been sent away. Keeping such a merperson around, who would back your word unequivocally was a useful asset. Although _why_ Lyall would send him on such a mission made little sense --

“Are you listening, Remus?”

It took a few moments for him to figure out which twin was speaking to him. “Sorry, what?”

“I was asking if you’d mind us stopping for a bit. Peter’s about to eat his fin,” Fabian said, his mouth curled into a grin.

“We wouldn’t want that,” Remus chuckled as he slipped off his bag.

He watched with amusement as Peter and Gideon wrestled over the sea grass and clams; the latter hollering loudly that hair pulling was a rude trick and promptly tugging hard on Peter’s fin before reaching for a handful of small clams. It was nice. He couldn't remember the last time he or any of his friends had left the security of the city. There was always a hushed atmosphere surrounding the heavy walls, making it feel as though playfulness in any of its forms would not be tolerated.

He mulled over this as rummaged in his satchel for his own fare, smiling widely as Peter whooped in victory, having won the meal he and Gideon were fighting over. Peter swam over to Remus and sat beside him in companionable silence while Doge explained the route they intended to take.

“There is a tidal stream about two leagues ahead of us, if we can catch it that will save us considerable time. Although, if there are any other merfolk traveling we should to say that we are escorting Fabian and Gideon to their sister’s.”

“And you expect for anyone to actually _believe_ that?” Fabian asked incredulously.

Doge looked ruffled but pressed on, “Molly lives in the Fawcetts’ territory, it would make sense for you two to visit her. It should not arouse any suspicions.”

The four mermen exchanged a look. No one from Lupin had visited family or gone on vacation in years, let alone gone on a relaxing sojourn to another territory. Remus sincerely hoped that they wouldn’t come across anyone else. Soon after, Doge had them once again swimming at a steady pace, reaching the tidal stream without incident. About ten leagues on he pointed toward an outcropping of rock explaining that it was their checkpoint for the evening.

The sun was setting as they arrived, filling the water with long shadows, the rays of light tinging the sand a soft orange. Remus gratefully set down his pack and swam over to Gideon and Fabian, helping them make the space more habitable for the evening as Peter prepared a dinner of mollusks and layers of red algae. While they didn't need sleeping rolls or heating stones, the lack of them was sorely noticed. The shadows warped and grew making Remus feel uneasy. After a lifetime with bioluminescent lights within the capital city his eyes were slow to adjust to the coming darkness.

Remus and Fabian took first watch, resting against a large rock as the others slept fitfully. Gideon mumbled something in his sleep that sounded suspiciously like "look out for the sea pigs", his tail slowly furling and unfurling, causing bits of sand and shell to float upward. Fabian let out a huff of laughter and looked over at Remus, a sad smile on his face.

“Do you think it will work?” he asked, his voice pitched low.

Remus shifted, “It might. We have to at least try.”

“And if it doesn’t? If the Fawcetts refuse?”

“Then we evacuate as many merfolk we can from the territory and pray for the best.”

“Poseidon's fucking arse…” Fabian swore, "We might as well open the gates to Grimmauld."

Remus had no reply to give. If the annexation failed, they wouldn't have enough time to try and parlay with another territory. It was a huge gamble and there wouldn't be another opportunity should they fail.

“Did you hear that?” Fabian whispered, sitting up straighter.

“No, what is it?” said Remus.

“There it is again. Listen.”

Remus could hear it this time. The smooth sound of something gliding just above the sand. Whatever, or whoever, it was they were staying as low as possible to remain unseen. Remus looked over and Fabian and nodded, carefully pushing off the rocks and swimming silently as possible toward Peter, tapping his shoulder. Peter gave a snort and rolled over but didn't wake. Remus could hear the sound coming closer as  Fabian shook his brother awake.

Anxiety curled in Remus' gut as he swam over to Peter, pinching his tail. Peter grunted in annoyance, his hand swatting it away. Remus pinched harder his voice a low hiss. “Wake up you idiot!”

“Wassat?” said Peter, one eye opening blearily.

“Something is coming, get Doge,” said Remus, wincing at the tremble in his voice.

Peter’s eyes snapped open. He glanced over toward Gideon and Fabian then he rolled to his side, waking Doge and speaking to him in hushed tones. Doge's shoulders tensed, sitting up carefully. The noise was getting louder, sounding as though it came from all sides. Remus reached for the knife at his hip, the weapon feeling wholly inadequate. Fabian was gesturing commands to them, preparations for a counter-attack.

The sand came first, whirling up around them in a cyclone stinging their eyes and skin. Remus ducked his head down and hissed in pain. He could hear Gideon curse loudly and then a yelp of surprise from Doge before he felt some sharp and heavy stab itself just above his dorsal fin. A moment later the realization came --

“Poachers! Remus, go!”

Remus grabbed Peter by the arm, tail burning as he tried to swim away, looking through the sand for cover, at best Remus could see an arm length ahead of him, the sounds of struggle nearby causing his heart to beat wildly in his chest. His grip on Peter tightened. Images flashed behind Remus' eyes, his imagination offering up vision after vision of what his trapped friends were experiencing in the melee. Going back to rescue any of them would be suicide, but he could save Peter. He could at least do that.

“This way, come on,” Remus hissed, jerking them both behind the nearest rock.

His tail was bleeding, creating wispy clouds of red that floated upward. His hands clamped down on the wound, trying to hide the blood, his fingers coming in contact with a barbed spear. Everything in Remus went still as his fingers traveled over his tail. Taking a breath he looked down and whimpered. Muscles and scales and sinew could be seen. The spear gave a sharp tug and Remus nearly screamed. His eyes followed the line of the weapon, seeing the thick roped knotted to the shaft. It tugged again, violently yanking his tail up off the sand.

No. Remus would be damned if he were hauled away and gutted like a fish. With shaky hands Remus held the spear in place and sawed at the shaft with his knife, biting his lip to hold back another scream. The wood strong, resisting his efforts and Remus gave a cry of frustration at the slow progress. Peter was whiter than shark teeth and trembling violently beside him, staring down at Remus’ tail with a mixture of fascination and fear. They both jumped when Doge let out a howl of pain.

“Peter,” Remus said, squeezing his friend’s arm. “Peter, you need to help me. I can’t do this on my own.”

Peter swallowed, his gaze turning focused. "It won't break that way, we need to pull it through. Here, give me your knife." With a quick jerk his cut the rope free then leaned closer, prodding the underside of Remus' tail causing Remus to jerk back. Peter ignored it and continued to feel around the spear before looking back up at Remus. "Ready?" he asked. Remus took a deep breath and nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as Peter gripped the spear in both hands. 

There was a sharp pain, the feeling of scales and muscles tearing further, and then he was free. The cloud of red that had been seeping from his tail turned into an angry plume, billowing out like a beacon. Soon enough it would give away where they were hiding. The sounds beyond their rock has lessened to swearing and grunts of pain. Remus tentatively moved his tail and his vision wavered as sparks of lightning raced up his spine. There wasn’t time to bandage it, and in his current state it would be nearly impossible for him to swim, let alone escape. .

He grasped Peter by the shoulder. “Get back to my father. Tell him what happened. I’ll stay here and try to help,” Remus said, his voice having far more bravado than he felt. Peter looked at him as though he’d gone mad.

“You expect me to leave you here!?”

“Yes. I’ll create a diversion and then you go. Swim as fast as you can and don’t look back.”

Before Peter could protest Remus vaulted himself over the rock, shouting loudly. “Hey! Over here! You air breathing bastards!” He saw then two mermen, their upper bodies clad in metal armor, wrestling Gideon to the ground. Beside him was Fabian and Doge, wrapped in large netting. The look of utter shock and confusion upon their faces would have been laughable in different circumstances.

“That’s ‘im!” yelled one of the mermen, releasing Gideon and swimming towards him.

Remus didn’t think -- grabbing he raised it in defense. Lyall had avoided educating him in hand to hand combat, focusing more on strategy. Yet to his amazement, Remus felt the jarring sensation of making contact with the other merman. The mercenary's expression of confusion and shock matched his own, reaching up toward the spear which now pierced through his throat.

The merman tried to speak but no words came, only a thin line of red which oozed from his mouth. As understanding came he thrashed about, body twisting and coiling until he ripped himself free. His hands clutched at his throat as his gills fluttered wildly, desperate for oxygen. There was a whooshing in Remus’ ears and he found it hard to focus. The merman’s face was blending grotesquely with his mother’s; her face had shared that look of horror moments before her death, mouth opening as she desperately tried to breathe. Eyes wide and pleading and Remus too frightened to move or help.

Words filtered slowly into his mind. “... emus, give me the spear Let it go, it’s alright," said Gideon. He was cautiously swimming towards Remus, his hair a tangled mess of shell and coral, a large gouge cutting across his flank. His arms were raised, palms open, as he glanced from the spear to Remus’ face, carefully prying Remus' fingers away.

Their other mercenaries lay motionless in the sand, one had a section of the net wrapped tightly around his neck. Fabian was still trying to untangle himself, his fin looked badly damaged and he had several cuts along his arms. Doge looked unharmed, but was lying motionless, his gills barely fluttering.

“Remus…” said Gideon again, setting the spear down.

Remus' mind too slow to process everything he was seeing. His eyes flitted over his friends shoulder, resting on the dead merman, eyes still open wide although the fierce grip on his throat had relaxed.

“I killed him,” Remus whispered, looking down at his hands, watching as they trembled. “I killed him…”

“It was an accident, Remus. They would have seized us, killed us, if we hadn’t acted,” Gideon’s voice had the tone of someone speaking to a frightened animal. It made the panic curling in Remus’ chest squeeze like a vice.

His father had said, had always said, if he wasn’t careful… He was dangerous. Monstrous. This only proved it. The vice in his chest squeezed harder. It felt like his gills were frozen, like his body was turning inside out.

“I can’t go back… not now," Remus pleaded, moving further away from his friends. “Father won’t understand. None of them will.”

“Remus, what are you saying?” Fabian asked, untangling himself and wincing as he swam beside his brother.

Remus shook his head, trying to create more space between them. “I can’t go back…”

He turned, swimming away from his friends, his throat burning with unshed tears as they called after him. With every movement his tail throbbed, the pain spiking through his spine causing his movements to be lopsided. It didn't matter. The tidal current was visible, just a little farther. He swam faster, unsure of what he would do once he was swept away, only that he couldn't stay anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

His mother had warned him as a child that tidal currents were dangerous. How easy it was to be drawn further along than one planned, and before you knew it you were somewhere unrecognizable. The currents crisscrossed throughout the oceans, helping to connect the territories and making vast expanses easily traversable. However, it was important to remember the journey only went one-way in most cases. Unless you were fortunate enough to intercept an opposing current the trek home could be a long one.

Remus let the current take him, hardly putting an effort into swimming except to stay in the fast moving stream. His body turned and twisted as he sped past reefs and rocks. Remus didn’t want to think, his memories flooding him and dragging his heart down like an anchor. The events of the day swirled about in his head, falling back to the look of shock on the merman’s face as he died, fingers digging into his throat as he tried to breathe again and again.

Fuzzy starlight filtered through the dark waves, their light slowly fading. Dawn would be coming soon and Remus had the the sense of mind to know that being spotted by a stranger would only cause him additional trouble. It was only luck that he hadn't already. He swam down toward to sea floor, the sudden change in speed leaving him dizzy. His tail had gone from a searing pain to throbbing duly whenever he flexed his fins, his movements sluggish. The ache of it had kept him awake through the night, but exhaustion was pushing its way in, the further he swam from the current the more his tail complained, the pain traveling up and causing his muscles to seize. He needed to stop soon and find a place to hide before his body gave up on him completely.   

“Triton’s arse,” Remus grit his teeth, willing himself to swim faster. He didn’t know how far he had traveled during the night, but he knew there were no human colonies near the Lupin territory. How far had he gone?

He considered allowing himself to be captured, to slump down to the ocean floor and wait for a ship to notice him.

What would his father say? Peter would have reached the stronghold by now even if he had been slowed by the twins and Doge. Remus could almost see in his mind what Lyall would do, interrogating the four of them before sending a battalion after the remaining mercenaries. A second delegation would be sent to Catchpole, with a guard to defend whomever Lyall chose as an emissary. Perhaps Amelia Bones or Scrimgeour. What would they say to the Fawcetts? There were two dead mermen from an unknown territory, killed by members of the chieftain's inner circle. _Killed by the heir to the territory_ , Remus amended. It could easily be grounds for war.

Remus swore again, his tail smarting as he tried to swim faster. Focusing on the pain helped to clear his head, to push away the heavy thoughts that constantly worked to drag him into the sand. Even still, he wanted to scream, to break whatever it was inside of him that felt so horrible. His father’s voice rang in his ears. _“You are a danger, Remus. To yourself and to everyone around you.”_

It hadn’t always been that way. Remus knew from the stories that when he was born his father had offered up a celebration over the birth of an heir. They had been happy those first few years, a family that was complete and whole, an interlude of peace within the boundaries of their territory. However by his tenth year Grimmauld and Nurmengard had formed a dangerous alliance, their forces converging on Lupin Territory.

It was a threat that Lyall took great pains to protect both his wife and child from, hiring more mercenaries, whole companies creating thunderous noise day and night as they waged against their buyer's foes. If it was only one territory that had threatened them perhaps they could have withstood the assault. However, soon after Remus’ eleventh birthday Nurmengard and Grimmauld had formed a tenuous alliance, their combatant forces rallying as they reached the city.

Years later there was still debate as to which territory Fenrir Greyback had allied himself with; but by the time the main force of the army breached Lupin Territory the merman was a commander of his own detachment. As the army stormed the city Fenrir had lead his mermen into the stronghold with the intention of taking Remus and his mother hostage. They killed any merfolk who tried to stop them, forcing their way deeper with single-minded fury. His orders had been only to kidnap Remus and Hope with intentions to ransom for their freedom, thereby forcing Lyall’s submission.

Something had gone wrong, though. One moment mother and child were being corralled away from the city, the next Hope was shielding them both, yelling at Remus to get away.

Following the attack Remus had laid unresponsive and unmoving for days as a fever ravaged his body. The preparations were already underway for his funeral when Remus finally regained consciousness. He remembered the deep ache from within, as though something vital within him had broken. It wasn’t until they were certain he would survive that he learned of Hope’s death.

Life within the city walls changed abruptly following the attack. Lupin Territory fell into deep mourning, the proud sense of contentment gone. Chaperones were employed to follow Remus, limiting his ability to travel even within the city. At first Remus had thought it was due to fear that the city may be caught again unaware, but that alone could not explain everything. Lyall became increasingly engrossed in study, meeting with advisors and scholars, and rarely seeing Remus outside of their daily meals together. Remus' questions were brushed away or twisted around until he couldn't remember what his question had been.

Looking back it was all perfectly clear. Each month Remus was strong-armed into a chamber deep underground by guards. At first he had fought them, demanding to know why this was happening, what was wrong with him, his anger wearing away to fear as the experience became routine. Shunted into a place without windows or light, and left to feel his body turn feverish and it felt as though his skull would split open from pain. As a child Remus rarely remembered much from the nights spent there, but he couldn’t forget the desperate need to get out, to get closer to people, to touch someone, waking up and taking in the deep gouges left in the stone, tracing the lines with confusion.

There were healers, brought in from far away territories, merfolk with strange bodies and difficult to understand accents. It was always the same, strangers roughly poking and prodding his body as they asked him the same questions: could he remember anything that happened during the full moon? What urges did he experience most? Was there any noticeable change following the administration of potions or salves? Over and over, yet nothing changed except for Remus becoming weak and unstable following his nights in the cell. 

Remus had sought answers, begging to know why he was avoided and locked away. His attendants said nothing, and those who did were swiftly made to find new employment. It was Peter who eventually found the answer, only Triton knew where, a small book documenting each cure and its results. Pages and pages that detailed what the healers and his father had discovered. The book chronicled Hope's last effort to save Remus as well as Fenrir Greyback's, or one of the mermen in his detachment, response.

The curse struck Remus, ripping through his body with violent pain, tearing his body into something twisted and wrong. Fenrir had known Hope would try to save him, to keep Remus in the body he had. The witnesses to the event varied, some claimed that Hope had taken Remus in her arms, others swore that she never had the opportunity to. However, her death held no such obscurity. They watched in horror as her body was forced into the shape of a human, causing her to drown in the very waters which were her home. The scholars and healers could not agree which account was true or whether the affect of Remus' touch was singular.

Regardless of its affect on others, Remus’ body was permanently affected. At each shifting of the tide when the moon was at its fullest he would transform uncontrollably and for the duration, nearly an entire day and night, he would become dangerous. Even if his touch was not toxic his aggression and violence still made him lethal to merpeople and humans alike. Reading further on Remus discovered to his horror that soon after his first transformation he had killed one of the healers brought in to help him. While the knowledge explained why such pains had been taken to lock him away it did not offer Remus any comfort.

He had expected Peter to leave him when they discovered the truth. It would not have surprised Remus. Instead he swam closer, hugging Remus tightly and asking _,_ “What can I do?” Peter had understood that Remus hadn't chosen this, and that with the exception of one day each month his friend hadn’t changed. Together they searched page after page, through all the books he and Peter could get their hands on, hoping to stumble on a potential antidote, something the healers had missed. But there was nothing.

Perhaps it would be better if he let the humans capture him. Above water he’d likely die within days, probably be shoved into a fresh water tank for the amusement of humans. Either that or his fins and scales would hawked to the highest bidder. There were rumors even that humans ate merfolk as though their flesh was a delicacy. The thoughts were oddly tempting, but as he glanced upward he saw that the ships which had been sailing overhead had all disappeared. And as desperate as he was, he didn’t have the energy to beach himself. The nearest shore was easily leagues off.

He let out a groan, the events of the day seeping into deep his bones, making him feel heavy. Remus was about to accept the necessity of sleeping out in the open when he spotted the edge of a coral reef, hugging an outcropping of rock. Swimming closer to the sea floor he found a cave, hidden behind a mass of stony coral. It wasn’t spacious, but he was thankful for it nonetheless, curling into himself willing his mind to still so that he might sleep.

* * *

There was a sharp rock jabbing uncomfortably into Remus’ back. He let out a grunt, twisting away and trying to find a more accommodating position. He hadn’t left the cave in days, not having the will to do more than stare at the rocky wall. He felt feverish and cold in turns, bone-wracking chills that kept him awake for hours as he grit his teeth through the pain. Remus' tail throbbed in time with his heartbeat, a deep thrumming pain that dug into his muscles. He rode the pain like waves, his mind drifting in and out of consciousness and wandered through memories he had nearly forgotten, the images warped and twisted.

Remus groaned, rolling his shoulders. He still wasn’t comfortable. He shifted again, only to bump into something faintly warm and smooth. Wisps of hair tickled at Remus’ nose and swatted at it absently and grimaced as he tried to curl into his tail. There was a quiet grumbling coming from whatever the smooth thing was, and then Remus was shoved roughly back toward the rock wall forcing the air from his gills.

Remus woke with a start. There was someone, or a _something_ , in the cave with him. Something large. Something with arms. Remus let out a yell, reaching around blindly for his knife only to be welcomed by a startled shriek as whatever it was made a speedy escape, their tail swirling up sand in its wake.

“Gorgon’s tits! I wasn’t about to rob you or anything.”

Remus' heartbeat was pounding in his ears as he swam toward the entrance to the cave, his fingers trembling around the handle of his knife. It was a merman, Remus realized, one with deep grey tail, long and sleek with sharp dorsal fin forming into sweeping angles and black tipped fins. A shark. It, _he_ , was a mershark. A shiver of fear traveled down his spine and into his fingertips and fins. The only mersharks that Remus knew of were from Grimmauld and Nurmengard. It wasn't common to find them so close to the surface, especially alone. His eyes traveled upward, watching as the smooth lines of his tail fade into dusky skin and a face that was watching him with open apprehension.

Remus cleared his throat, trying to think of something, anything, to say. “I was sleeping.”

Anything but that.

The merman grinned, his posture relaxing somewhat, “I hadn’t noticed.”

Remus kept himself still halfway inside the cave, the hand not clutching the knife gripped the edge of a rock to steady himself. The mershark was a little smaller than Remus he noticed, with long black hair, longer even than Gideon’s. It seemed to be in constant motion, swirling about the mershark with the current. He had a knapsack slung over a shoulder and a necklace made from, as far as Remus could tell, bits of shell and what looked suspiciously like metal. But it was his eyes that truly caught Remus' attention. Wide set and bright, a grey silver that nearly matched his tail. They flitted around rapidly, from the knife to the coral and back to Remus' face in rapid succession. Remus cleared his throat, resolutely looking at an anemone directly over the merman's shoulder.

“Right. Well, you can go find your own cave since this one is occupied,” Remus tried to sound formal but the words rushed out of him and he bit down hard on his cheek to stop from saying more.

The merman laughed, “You own this cave, then?”

“I was here first, so in a way… yes.”

“You have to be joking. It’s a _cave_. Surely we can share it for a night. There’s nothing else on this reef large enough for more than a squid.”

Remus was starting to feel dizzy again, his tail throbbing. He needed to lay down before his body made that decision for him. The last thing Remus wanted was to be in the company of another merman, let alone a mershark, the idea made his skin itch. The words of a rebuke were creeping up his throat when Remus looked at him again. The merman was knitting his hands together, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip until he noticed Remus’ stare and then promptly straightened. He looked like he was bracing himself, waiting for something terrible to happen while trying to appear uninterested. He wouldn't meet Remus' eyes. With a start Remus realized that whoever this other merman was, they had something in common. Neither of them had anywhere else to go.

“One night. Then you find your own place to sleep,” Remus said before he could overthink it.

The merman's expression showed shock for a brief second before falling into a small smile, “Deal. Thank you, uh… what’s your name?”

Shit. Remus couldn't give his true name, what if this merman was from Nurmengard or Grimmauld? What if he was here to find Remus? Remus had no way of knowing even where in the ocean he was. He looked around desperately for a plausible name, saying the first thing that came to his mind. “Moon.”

“Your name is… _Moon_?” he asked.

“Ah, well, Moony. But yes. And who are you?” Remus said, trying not to grimace.

“Si-- Padfoot. I'm Padfoot,” he said as the tips of his ears turned a faint pink.

“Pad _foot_? You don’t have _feet,_ ” said Remus.

“Yeah, well, you aren’t exactly luminous,” Padfoot said dryly, swimming back into the cave and causing Remus to plaster himself against the edge so as not to brush against him. 

Remus stayed there pressed to the rock for a long moment feeling stunned. Of all the possibilities he had imagined following his flight from Doge and his friends this had never been considered, how could it be? What mershark, or merfolk for that reason, in his right mind would come so close to humans for any reason? Remus took a steadying breath, holding it for several seconds before letting it out. The cave was large enough for both of them, albeit a little too cramped. He could manage one night. 

Turning and swimming slowly back into the cave Remus watched as Padfoot emptied his knapsack while absentmindedly humming a tune. He was far better provisioned for the environment than Remus, who only had a pack with a few days worth of rations, which he'd mostly eaten, and a knife, having left everything else behind. Padfoot on the other hand had a bedroll, a heating stone, a trencher knife, and several meals carefully wrapped in seaweed. Remus chewed on his lip, looking away and ignoring the dull ache in his stomach that beginning to match the one in his tail.

It seemed as though Padfoot was about to speak several times, only to think better of it. The heating stone offered a dim warm light, easing the chill within the cave as it illuminated further back and creating long shadows. To Remus’ surprise the cave was significantly longer than he had thought, it might even span the length of the coral reef. He swam further back trying to hide how his body shivered violently as he curled against the cave wall, trying to get comfortable again. His stomach growled loudly, and Remus clenched his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut.

He was nearing sleep when something nudged against his tail. Remus jerked in pain and he was about to tell Padfoot to leave when he spotted the parcel of food near his fin. Looking over he saw the other merman eating slowly.

"Go on," he said, gesturing with his chin toward the food that lay untouched beside Remus. "I know you're hungry."

Remus hesitated for a moment before taking the parcel and eating quickly, ignoring the huff of laughter coming from Padfoot. After carefully rationing his food for days it was quite possibly the best thing he had ever eaten, never mind that it was only roughly sliced sea cucumber.

“Slow down, you’re going to make yourself sick,” Padfoot said, chiding him. “When was the last time you ate?”

Remus shrugged, finishing the meal and laying back down. He didn’t want to talk, and hoped that his silence would be enough to convey his need. Padfoot sighed, muttering under his breath, “You’re welcome.” But thankfully remained silent the rest of the evening.

* * *

It had been four days and Padfoot was still there.

The other merman had fallen into a routine. The fever was still working it's way through Remus' body, even as Padfoot wore away his need to be left alone. The first morning Padfoot had tried to wake him by shaking his tail only to be met with screams, swimming away so fast that he grazed his dorsal fin against the roof of the cave. Remus bit his lip raw as he curled tightly into himself, willing the pain away and back into the wooly space in his head as chills rippled down his body again.

Padfoot had returned several hours later, nervousness palpable as he offered to take care of Remus' tail. Remus had let out a grunt, too exhausted and fatigued to care so long as what he did eased the pain in his tail. Padfoot had been careful, cleaning out the wound with single-minded focus even as Remus cursed him. He murmured something about being lucky that it had gone clear through as he bandaged the wound, moving the heating stone close to him and telling Remus to rest. Within a day there were new scales beginning to form although he was still in no shape to swim.

The merman had found excuses for staying in the cave with Remus until his fever finally broke, leaving only long enough to search for food or supplies, both of their meager food supplies having run out. Padfoot had been adamant that Remus not leave the safe confines of the cave until the infection in his tale abated. It had been oddly comforting, like the nights that Remus' mother stayed close when he was ill as a child. Once Remus' recovery was certain something in Padfoot changed, his smile coming easier. He would bother Remus until he agreed to exit the cave, if only for an hour or two, as they foraged for the day’s food. Remus generally was more successful, coming back with abalone shells and scallops, as well as kelp and algae, one time even catching a small octopus. However, Padfoot’s ability to turn such things into a satisfying meal certainly had its perks.

Even after Remus' recovery was secured Padfoot always stayed within swimming distance. Remus thought it a bit strange considering that he rarely left the the safe confines of their reef, wary of the ships that traveled above them. The same concern was not shared with his Padfoot, who seemed to hardly care if he was noticed by the humans. Instead he would laugh as he dodged fishing nets, swimming further out, eager to explore.

"Moony, I found something," said Padfoot as he swam back to the cave.

"You always find something," Remus said, cracking open an abalone shell he had found for lunch.

"No, but, Moony it's a ship. It sunk a league or two off, you have to see it come on," said Padfoot, taking Remus by the wrist and dragging him away from the reef and out toward open waters.

"I don't want to go, Padfoot," said Remus as he tried to extricate his arm from Padfoot's grip. The fast pace made Remus' tail ache, still not accustomed to swimming at such speeds. "Padfoot, stop."

"Come on, I promise it's worth it," Padfoot called over his shoulder, keeping up the pace.

"I said stop!" Remus yelled, yanking hard at his wrist. "I don't want to go, is it that hard for you to understand?"

Padfoot let go of him, eyes wide, nodding just once before quickly swimming away.

Remus' anger was short lived, fizzling out within an hour of reach the reef. As the day waned into night Padfoot still remained away. Remus briefly considered that the merman had left permanently, but it was unlikely that he'd leave his sparse possessions. Remus had stayed awake well into the night, although he resolutely told himself he wasn’t worried. But when Padfoot finally swam into view shortly before dawn Remus felt his stomach give a small flip and swam out to greet him. He was skittish, hands twisting together just as they had during their first meeting.

"I'm sorry I --"

"I didn't mean --"

A tiny smile curved the edge of Padfoot's mouth upward. "You first."

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm -- I don't want to explore, it doesn't feel safe."

"That's fair," said Padfoot, looking down at the sand. "I just, I thought you'd like what I'd found. I'm, I'm sorry."

"Me too," said Remus.

* * *

Padfoot continued exploring, leaving for a majority of the day and coming back just before dusk, animatedly describing everything he had found. Remus would smile, only half listening a majority of the time, asking him questions at respectable intervals. It was an unspoken truce for them, Padfoot never pressured Remus into leaving the reef again, although he did his best to convey how much Remus was missing, going to far as to gesture excitedly to get his attention when Remus' mind wandered.

"You seem to know a lot about human-made things," said Remus, "did you live near to one of their colonies?"

"No, not really,” he said softly, a sad smile crossing his face.

The silence between them stretched but Remus had nothing to fill the space with. He never spoke openly about Lupin Territory or the merfolk he'd left behind. While it seemed unlikely that Padfoot was a spy, Remus still feel a prickle of nervousness whenever their conversations got too lengthy. During those moments Remus fell back on his silence as a means to end their discussions, the smile slipping from Padfoot’s face.

Padfoot cleared his throat, reaching for several scallops. “There is a cove, about a league and a half north. You should come with me next time, Moony,” he said, his grin looking a little forced.

“I’d rather not.”

“Why do you always say that? It's safe, I promise.”

 _Because I don’t want to be found_ , Remus thought darkly. _Because I have a secret to hide_. He shrugged, not looking at Padfoot. Remus never asked him why he was here, although there had to be a reason. No one just happened upon unclaimed territory like this and decided to stay. The area was rich with resources sure, but it was also close to an archipelago with a large human colony. Living so close was asking for violence.

“You can’t hide here forever, Moony,” Padfoot said.

“Easy for you to say,” Remus spat back, his tone harsher than he meant it to be.

He knew Padfoot was right, he couldn’t stay hidden in the coral reef forever. But still, some twisted logic told him that if he stayed hidden he could hide away from everything else in his life. Exploring his new surroundings would mean accepting this is was his new home now. The silence between them stretched between them again until Padfoot sighed, grabbing several more scallops before swimming away. Remus watched as he faded from view, biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus hadn’t seen Padfoot for three days.

Guilt wormed its way into his chest, creating disturbing dreams and turning his nerves raw. Everything felt wrong, as though Remus' skin no longer fit as it should. There wasn’t enough space to sort out the thoughts in his mind as they continued piling up on each other, always leading back to the same place. How he had felt as he watched Padfoot leave following their conversation. He hadn't looked angry or sad, his expression had looked like... nothing. A careful mask sliding into place before he swam away.

Remus sighed. He had tried to be calm, to not put the blame on Padfoot, but if he was honest with himself Remus needed the merman to leave. Didn't he? The prospect of explaining his need for secrecy to this stranger-turned-friend made something in his stomach twist. What could he say? "Well you see Padfoot, I murdered a merman that attacked me. I suspect he wanted to take me hostage since I am the heir to a territory. Oh, and also I turn into a raging monster once a month. Shall we have dinner?"

He only had a week until the next full moon, and Triton only knew how he was going to get through that. It wasn't like there was a vault nearby to lock himself behind. It was better that Padfoot left before Remus shifted and attempted to cause him harm. There wasn’t room in his life for friends anymore, regardless of how loosely that term applied.

“Stop moping, Lupin,” he said quietly. Pitying himself wouldn’t change anything.

Remus finished his meager breakfast of clams, swimming out past the coral reef. He could see the change in the water as the sun slowly crept up behind him, creating long shadows that stretched across the sea floor.

He needed to find a safer place to hide before he turned again. It was unlikely that any merfolk would find him in such a deserted part of the sea, but the cave still felt insufficient. There would be nothing stopping him from exiting it and terrorizing the reef, and once he was in open water Remus had no clue how far or fast he could swim. 

The cave was protection enough from most things, but there was no way to keep himself inside or others out. It was more than that though. He didn’t want to corrupt the place where he ate and slept with the creature he became. Putting distance between the two sides of himself was one of the few ways he had managed to hold on to his sanity over the years.

Then there was the slim possibility that Padfoot might come back and if he -- Remus shook his head violently. Those thoughts wouldn't help.

“Alright, there’s the ship. Where is the dolphin rock…?” Remus said quietly as he swam on. His excursions out thus far had yielded nothing, but having landmarks of where he'd already searched meant less of a chance of doubling back. As he swam past the last landmark from his previous excursions the space behind his breastbone gave a thrill then wedged itself somewhere between his ribs. 

Remus had expected the search to be easy, swim out a ways and find a cave of some sort and be done before diner. After the first day it had become clear that there was nothing else in his local reef large enough, nor sturdy enough, to house him during his transformations. It was only luck that he found the cave so easily, this time he would have to earn it. Remus wracked his mind, trying to remember if Padfoot had ever mentioned finding a cave during their evening meals together. At the time he’d only been half-listening, it seemed oddly fitting that such things would come back to haunt him.

The few places he had found on his own were too shallow or too close to humans. There had to be other caves within swimming distance beside his own. There _had_ to be. He just wasn’t looking in the right places.

While Remus had loathed being locked away in the dungeons during his transformations, he found himself wishing for something similar would help his present situation. He had been safe from other merfolk, and even if he had somehow managed to escape his tiny room there was still the tunnels; deliberately built with dead ends and exits out to the open ocean to confuse anyone who came down to look, or in Remus' case, tried to get out. 

By midday his stomach was growling too loudly for Remus to ignore. Taking out his knife he swam closer to the sea floor, there were always abalone or starfish, but he hoped he might find another octopus hiding in the rocks. He was swimming past an outcropping of pillar coral when a flash of grey caught his eye. Remus whipped around, heart leaping into his throat. He could have sworn that he’d just seen -- there it was again, the edge of a dark fin disappearing behind a rock. Remus followed it, he would know that tail anywhere.

“Padfoot where ha--” The words caught as Remus rounded another coral. It wasn’t him. Neptune, it wasn’t even a _merman_. The barracuda looked agitated as it swam away, its dappled scales flashing as they reflected the light.

He sighed, scrubbing his face. Living on his own was already wearing on his senses and Remus didn’t know how much longer he would be able to manage it. The number of times he had imagined Peter’s voice or thought he had seen Gideon or Fabian swimming  just outside of his vision. But this had been the first time he mistook another fish for Padfoot. It was almost embarrassing.

Remus needed to stop waiting for Padfoot to come back, if he had been planning to return he would have already. And hadn’t Remus said that this wasn’t a permanent arrangement? He should be happy that Padfoot left before things became more complicated.

Yet no matter how much he told himself that, Remus still hoped that he would find him in some not so far off shipwreck or rocky outcropping. Or that he’d go back to the cave and find Padfoot there, full of stories about the new places he had found. It grated on him, the idea that the cave didn’t feel like home without someone to share it with.

It didn’t make any sense. He shouldn’t bother worrying about the merman, they weren’t friends. He didn’t even know Padfoot’s real name. But something about him made the cave seem... more. Bigger or brighter, Remus wasn't sure which, and know without Padfoot there the space felt empty. Remus felt empty.

A thought had crossed Remus’ mind after his first day of exploring that perhaps he should search for Padfoot as well, but he quickly smothered such ideas. Even if Padfoot had stayed close to the reef there was no guarantee that Remus could find him. He was likely leagues off, creating a new life for himself that didn’t involve him.

Remus grit his teeth, trying to push the thought from his mind. It didn’t matter whether Padfoot had stayed or not. His stomach gave another loud grumble and he swam over to the nearest boulder, deftly prying several abalone off of it. Peter would have been impressed, when the two of them had gone to scout out their territory as children neither of them knew a thing about hunting or foraging for food. They would have been just as likely to try and catch a stonefish as they would a grouper. If it hadn’t been for the twins and their tutelage he would have likely starved by now.

The ache Remus felt thinking of them sunk deep into his bones. He made a point not to dwell on them often, but it couldn’t always be helped. His friendship with the three mermen helped to mold him into the person he was; forgetting them would be like forgetting a part of himself. _I wonder how they will remember me,_ if _they will remember me._

Lyall, if luck was on his side, would have annexed their territory with the Fawcett’s by now. He was probably making plans that very moment to fortify their cities against attack. Without Remus there his father could put his full attention on the future of his people. If Remus hadn’t be cursed, been such a burden, there was no doubt Lyall would have made better alliances, treaties and betrothals that would fortify his people and his territory. But with such a huge secret to hide, what options did his father have? Should another territory discover what Lyall had been harboring...

Remus chucked the empty shells with a growl, watching them thump into the sand. It wasn’t fair. He never asked for any of this, never wanted any of it. No matter how far he fled, there was no escaping who he was. _What_ he was.

If Padfoot ever did come back, he would have no other option than push him away again. He needed to stop trying to find him and focus on how he would get through the coming weeks and months without hurting anyone. Merfolk like him didn’t have the luxury of friendship, and even if they did it could never last. He was living proof of that.

He rolled his shoulders. Remus had at least another three or four hours of good daylight before he had to return to his cave, with any luck he would find something by then.

 

* * *

 

Remus had reached an atoll near one of the smaller islands around nightfall, deciding to camp out there for the night. His plan was a sound one, by not returning to the cave as he had during his previous outings there was a higher possibility of covering more ground and hopefully finding a place where he could stay for the new moon. After a quick search he’d found a table coral large enough to sleep under and tried his best to sleep.

However, even with the coral acting as camouflage he had slept fitfully. Every splash in the water or swish of the sand causing him to wake with a start, knife in hand. By morning his head was aching and his tail was stiff from how he had slept, curled tightly into himself. Tentatively he stretched, the knot of scar tissue twinging as he groaned quietly.

“I thought you didn’t want to go exploring.” Said a raspy voice behind him.

Remus jumped, banging his head against the coral and swearing loudly as he tried to see who had spoken to him. Untangling himself he turned, mouth opening and closing wordlessly.

Padfoot was huddled against a nearby rock, tail curled awkwardly under him, arms wrapped tightly around his torso. Bits of shell and coral were trapped in his hair and he had a dark bruise across his ribs. It looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, with dark smudges under his eyes. It was his eyes that were the most startling. They looked dull and heavy, like old steel, focusing on anything other that Remus.

He looked how Remus felt. Raw and exposed for all the ocean to see. As he swam closer Padfoot’s posture stiffened, his eyes finally focusing on Remus. He’d been wrong, they weren’t dull steel at all, but sharp and fierce. Hard enough to cut through him without a second thought. It reminded him of a wounded animal; unable to get away but not yet ready to give in to the inevitable.

“I -- I was looking for a bigger cave.” Remus said lamely. It was technically the truth.

Padfoot scoffed, arms tightening around himself. “With me gone you should have plenty of room.”

He winced, biting his bottom lip. There was nothing he could say that would help the situation; he couldn’t ask him to come back, and trying to comfort him would only hurt Padfoot more in the end. The silence between them stretched on, making Remus feel awkward and uncomfortable. He was about to make an excuse and swim off when Padfoot shook his head, the tiniest of smiles crossing his face.

“Poseidon’s teeth, you are just like Regs.” Padfoot whispered, the edge of his fin flicking at the pebbles in front of him.

“Regs?”

There was a long pause and then Padfoot sighed.

“My brother. When we were little… whenever I’d swim off after a fight or something, he had this uncanny way of finding me.” His mouth thinned into a tight line. After a few moments he scooted over, silently offering Remus a seat next to him.

Remus carefully sat down, voice soft. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“Yeah.” Padfoot shrugged, drawing designs in the sand with his fingers. “He’s younger than me, but not by much. When we were little our governess said that we were nearly inseparable. We’d swim up and down the halls of the manor, having imaginary fights and building forts out of the spare furniture. Half of the time Mother didn’t know what to do with us and Father was always… he never had much free time. So it was just the two of us.”

Remus smiled a little, relaxing against the rock. “That must have been nice. Having a brother to play with, I mean.”

He hummed, nodding. “It was. We protected each other. Or at least I tried to protect him. There were always fights and skirmishes happening around our territory, especially back then. Father would have these big meetings in the great hall late at night. Mermen on the council shouting at each other about defensive strategies or some small village that had been attacked. When it got really bad Regs would sneak into my room. The noise used to scare him.”

Padfoot cleared his throat, his expression closing off as he fiddled absentmindedly with his necklace. Remus wished he had something of his own to share, but every memory he had felt intricately tied to his curse or his father, neither of which he wanted to talk about. Padfoot was watching him, as though he could see how conflicted Remus felt.

“I think… I think my parents meant to have more children after me.” He started, trying not to think too much about what he was saying. “They never got around to it though.”

“That must have been lonely.”

“I guess it was in some ways. I never had anything to compare it to, though.”

“Suppose so.” Padfoot’s fingers laced around his necklace, holding it up. “Regs made this for me, the year I was sent off to preparatory school. Did your territory have anything like that?”

Remus shook his head.

“He and I were sent to the same school, once we were old enough. Most of the boys there were from families like ours. The children of council members and merfolk with high standing. I was taught all kinds of things. Battle strategy, how to infiltrate cities and write treaties, all the idiotic mush that my father thought was so important. The professors tried to ingrain in my head the necessity of making alliances, maintaining my families status, but I could never really buy into all of that, you know?

“Not all of the students there were bad, though. I made a few friends, merfolk who cared more about your personal beliefs than which family you came from. It made my father livid that I had managed to preserve my own opinions.” Padfoot laughed, fingers still playing with his necklace.

“By the time Regs was old enough to enroll I had been there for almost two years. I’d told my friends about him and I was so excited about having him close again. But, he wasn’t the same, though. I guess neither of us were.”

Remus stayed quiet, letting Padfoot choose his words. The other merman was staring as his hands, his hair creating a cloud that covered most of his face.

“He didn’t want to be seen around me, even went as far as to tell people we weren’t related. When I finally got him away from his friends and asked him what was wrong he said that at least one of us had to uphold the family name. Some whaleshit about how I was disgracing who we were. It was like my father was speaking through him.” Padfoot shuddered.

“I’m sorry, Padfoot.” Remus whispered. Padfoot shrugged.

“After that, being home during the holy feasts felt more like being in a prison. No one talked to me, and if I ever tried to do more than stay in my rooms and avoid being seen --” His voice cracked and he tried to cover it with a cough. “They made sure I’d remember where I stood, that I wasn’t considered family any longer. Ja-- one of my friends from school, he offered to let me stay with him. I was on my way there when… when I ended up here.”

“Do you think he’s looking for you, your friend?” Remus asked, his throat tightening as he thought of the people he had left behind.

“Probably.” He said quietly, trying to push his hair out of his face. “It’s been over a week now, he’s probably figured something happened at home. We never go this long without talking. But it’s unlikely he’ll think to look here.”

Remus wondered for a moment whether Padfoot wanted to be found. He knew the option was beyond him, but it didn’t seem like that was the same for the other merman. He had been planning on leaving home already, and he had a place to go that was significantly nicer than a cave close to humans.

There was little doubt that Peter and the twins were looking for him, but none of them would ever think he’d venture so close to humans. He’d never traveled more than ten leagues out from their city before having been sent to Ottery St Catchpole. They would search the nearby territories, they were probably looking for him at that very moment. He wondered how long it would be until his father declared him dead and held a funeral service. Remus bit the inside of his cheek, pushing the thoughts aside.

Padfoot was watching him, his tail swirling up loose sand as he looked down at his hands. He was probably thinking the same thing; even if his friend was looking for him, they would never search this close to the shore.

They sat together in silence for a while longer before Padfoot pushed himself up with a groan. “You said you were looking for a larger cave?”

Remus blinked stupidly for several seconds. “Huh? Oh, yeah.”

“Any particular reason why you need to find a larger cave a day’s swim from your own?”

Remus smiled sheepishly. “How frustrated would you be if I said I couldn’t tell you?”

“Not very.” Padfoot sighed, absently trying to work one of the larger bits of shell out of his hair. “For what it’s worth there is a cave a bit further to the north, it may be what you’re looking for. Are you up for a swim?”

Remus nodded gratefully, shoving off of the rock and followed.

 

* * *

 

They had been swimming for several hours, neither saying much. Remus kept thinking back to what Padfoot had told him, trying to piece together what kind of life he must have had before running away. It made his own problems feel so insignificant in comparison. While his father hadn’t been overly kind to him following the death of his mother, he had never deliberately hurt him physically or otherwise. Even his time locked away below the city was to protect him.

He risked a glance over at Padfoot. The bruise on his torso wrapped around his side and spread across his back. Remus couldn’t help wondering what could have caused it. He was about to ask when the other merman abruptly stopped.

At first Remus saw nothing except sea grass and dense kelp. He was about to ask Padfoot why he had stopped when he swam down, through what appeared to be very solid seafloor. His head and shoulders popped back up several moments later and he motioned for Remus to follow.

“Come on, Moony. I promise it’s not scary.” He grinned, winking playfully, then dived back down.

Tentatively Remus followed, pushing the seagrass apart until he noticed where it dipped down. Pushing further he was still half expecting to find sand and hard rock, but what greeted him was only water.

It was thin crevice, hidden mostly from view by thanks to the plants above it. Remus laughed, if Padfoot hadn’t swum directly into it, he would have never even thought to look. The space was barely wide enough for him to swim down comfortably, and most of the sunlight was gone, shrouded by the plants above. His shoulder raked against an outcropping of rock and he swore loudly, Padfoot’s voice from further below telling him to be careful. At least he had figured out how Padfoot had injured himself.

“Shriveled up blowfish.” Remus grumbled, pushing his hands out in front of him, swimming slower so that he wouldn’t crash into anything else. “Where are you?”

“Over here, Moony.” Came a muffled voice to his left and he turned, wiggling his way between two algae covered boulders. There was a faint glowing ahead of him and he followed it, until finally he tumbled into a large cave. It had to be at least twice the size of the one he found at the reef.

“Wha -- How --”

“I followed a school of grouper. I was trying to catch one for dinner, but ended up finding this place instead. Pretty impressive, huh?” Padfoot grinned, looking around the cave.

Remus could only nod. Padfoot had managed to charm several of the larger stones, causing them to glow and illuminating sections of the cave. From the look of things this was where he had been staying ever since their argument.

“I didn’t know you could magically imbue objects.”

Padfoot looked around the cave. “The stones you mean? It’s about as far as I ever got in learning how to transfer magic. Regs is better at it than me…”

“I never got the hang of it. My mother was great at charming things. But,” Remus cleared his throat. “She, um, she died before she could teach me all that much.”

Padfoot was watching his curiously. “You know, you’ve said more about yourself in one afternoon than in all our other days together combined.”

He shrugged, looking away. “I don’t like thinking about the past.”

“That makes two of us.” Padfoot sighed. “Will this cave work? It’s definitely bigger than yours, although it’s harder to find food and living where it’s perpetually dark isn’t necessarily enjoyable.”

“But, don’t you live here? I can’t ask you to just leave.”

“I didn’t like it here much anyways. I’ll find someplace better.”

Remus looked around. It was doubtful that he’d find anything else like this in the next few days and he was running out of options. He swore, scrubbing at his face.

“I’d only need it for one night. There’s no reason for you to be kicked out of your home over that.”

“One night? But you said --”

“It’s… I know that merfolk are going to be looking for me soon. And they can’t be allowed to find me. If they do… They just can’t, Padfoot.”

Padfoot looked skeptical. “And being this close to humans isn’t enough of a deterrent?”

“No, it’s not.” Remus sighed. “It’s why I kept pushing you away. I didn’t want to risk anyone else getting hurt because of me, and now it might happen anyway.”

Padfoot’s eyes widened and after a moment he chuckled, swimming closer to Remus. “You could have just told me that, you idiot.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying something new this chapter and writing in Sirius' POV, let me know what you think!
> 
> (The whales are for Em/seekingwonders who has been demanding them since before this fics inception.)

Sirius didn’t know what was stranger, that he had somehow stumbled on to Moony while foraging for food, or that the other merman had, through halting words and nervous glances, invited him back to the coral reef.

None of it made any sense. Moony had made it clear during that first night, he didn’t want to share his space with any other merfolk. Sirius had tried to get him to open up, treated his injured tail, talked with him whenever he could, sharing bits of his own life. But without fail the moment the conversation turned toward Moony’s past he would shut down. Sirius wasn’t blind, he knew that however lenient the other merman was to his presence, he wasn't a welcome guest. When he had swum off after their last argument Sirius knew that Moony wouldn’t come looking for him, he had no reason to.

So then what in Poseidon's name had prompted Moony to travel leagues from that stupid reef? Sirius couldn’t accept the explanation that Moony had given; that there was some nameless threat he needed to hide from. If that was true why hadn’t he been hiding the entire time? The coral reef was like a damn beacon, if someone was trying to find him they’d search places with resources first.

“Moony, are you ever going to tell me the truth?”

“The truth about what?” Moony’s pace slowed, his eyes wary.

“About why you need that cave, why you want me to come back with you? Why the hell you won’t tell me what’s wrong or how I might help.”

“I can’t.”

“Moony. None of this makes any--”

“I just _can’t_ , Padfoot. Let it go, alright?”

Moony’s eyes were wide, almost pleading, the dim light filtering through the water giving them a strange glow. Sirius stammered, trying to think of something to say when Moony sighed, shoulders slumping forward as he swam away. After a few seconds his pace quickened, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. _As though that would help_ , Sirius thought. They were going back to the same reef, after all.

At least Moony was built for these kinds of waters, Sirius reflected. His tail was much longer and far less rigid, his fins wider. He wasn’t built for speed like Sirius, but there was little doubt Moony could out-maneuver him easily once he was fully recovered.

But he _wasn’t_ recovered. And at the rate Moony was going he would exhaust himself well before they got back, then all the maneuverability in the sea wouldn’t be able help him. The amount of stress he was putting on his tail would only cause further damage. He’d been lucky, whatever attacked him had narrowly missed his spine, but that didn’t mean Moony should test his limits. If Sirius hadn’t been there to treat it the other merman would be at death’s door by now.

Already there was a noticeable lopsidedness to his swimming and Moony was having to compensate for it by overextending his torso, his body almost inverting on itself to stay on course. There was no way he could maintain it for long without injuring himself.

“Dammit.” Sirius groaned, swimming faster and catching up to Moony. He grabbed one of the merman’s arms, forcing him to slow down.

Moony made a strangled noise and tried to yank his arm free, twisting away violently. But Sirius only held on tighter scrambling to grab his other arm. Moony’s expression turned dark, his hands balling into fights as he tried to find the leverage to yank himself free. For a second Sirius thought the merman was going to attack him and he shook him, his voice louder than he intended.

“Just stop! You are going to hurt yourself and I did not spend all that time helping you heal only for you to wreck your stupid tail.”

“Why should you care what happens, I never asked you to fix it.”

“Right, so your great plan was to just hide out in that cave until you died of fever?”

“What’s it matter to you. I can’t go back home like you can, Padfoot. By now anyone who was looking for me probably thinks I’m dead. I’d hate to disappoint them.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“The hell I don’t.”

Sirius let go of him as though stung. He’d assumed that things were bad for Moony, why else would he have come out to this place. But it never occurred to him that he’d meant to…

“You swam out here to die.” He whispered.

It made sense finally. Why Moony never wanted to talk, why he wanted to be left alone. Sirius had run away from home because he wouldn’t bear to live with his warmongering, bigoted family for another moment. Living in almost complete isolation was better than being forced to fight and kill innocent merfolk. But Moony...  Moony had run away because he couldn’t bear _living_.

“Let’s just get back. I don’t need to use your cave for another three days and it’s a bit pointless for us to be out in the open that long.” Moony said softly, looking away.

It took Sirius several moments to realize that Moony was swimming ahead of him again. However, the desperate pace he’d previously been keeping had thankfully slowed down somewhat. Sirius deliberately stayed several lengths behind him, gnawing on his bottom lip. Something in his gut twinged at the idea of Moony feeling so hopeless that his only option was to give up. Perhaps it was destiny that he had stumbled into the cave that first night. If he hadn’t been there he doubted Moony would be now.

The swim back took most of the day, the coral reef not coming into sight until the sun was already setting. Moony was visibly exhausted but even so he refused Sirius’ offers for help, saying that he could manage on his own. Still he stayed close by, making sure that Moony didn’t push himself too far. His tail had taken the swim well. Although a few of his scales had flaked off, revealing the pink skin healing beneath, the wound itself hadn't reopened.

As they reached the cave Sirius began to feel awkward, unsure whether he should really join the other merman. The day’s events settled like a stone in his stomach, causing him to feel on edge. Moony turned, brows furrowed together.

“What is it?”

Sirius shook his head. He didn’t have words to explain.

* * *

The next morning came clear and bright. Sirius was momentarily bewildered by his surroundings, a small brightly colored fish swimming lazily in front on him. The previous day sluggishly filtered through his mind as he sat up on an elbow, looking over at Moony. He was still sleeping soundly, huddled close to a heating stone, his tail curled loosely around him. He looked peaceful, not like his normal, careworn self with the sea’s burdens resting on his shoulders.

It still didn’t make sense. Sirius could understand Moony’s sudden urgency at finding a new place to hide if there were merfolk looking for him. However, if that was the case why did he only need it for a day? There had to be something, or someone, coming but Amphitrite save him if he could figure out what.

Sirius didn’t like being lied to, but there was no way to force the truth from Moony without making things worse. If he tried Sirius had no doubt the merman would only run off or shut down again. The best Sirius could hope for was that whichever direction this threat came from, it would avoid him. Rolling his shoulders he stretched, the bruise on his side giving a twinge. From what he could see it was healing well; turning from an angry purple to mottled green, the edges already yellowing.

He hummed his approval, exiting the cave and swimming out, away from the coral.

He carefully perched on a small boulder, looking out towards the drop off where the shallows met the sea. Although he never would openly admit to it, the fact that Moony had people searching for him made Sirius jealous. James was probably still looking, even after all this time, but he would never guess that Sirius had swum all the way to the shallows. If anything his friend would search further out, into deeper waters.

The thought had crossed his mind to return to the Grimmauld territory, explain to James what had happened. But even that held considerable risk. If his family found out about Sirius’ return first his only option would be to swim away again. And knowing the Blacks, this time they would give chase. Either to snuff out the blemish on their good family name or haul him back home screaming and force him into the role he was expected to perform. He didn’t know which was worse.

“Padfoot…?” Came a hoarse voice from behind him.

Sirius turned in the direction of the voice. Moony was swimming towards him, several large clams in each hand. He still looked tired, but there was a shy smile flitting across his lips as he got closer.

It was strange that in such a short period of time Sirius had grown accustomed to that face, and seeing the upward curve of Moony’s mouth was enough for him to smile in response.

When Sirius had first seen him that night in the cave, he’d thought Moony’s appearance outlandish, nothing at all like the merfolk of his own territory. The family and friends Sirius had grown up with were all dark like him, tails smooth and quick, with bodies built for a life in the open sea. They were hunters, warriors, fiercely proud of their heritage and wealth.  

Yet Moony was the antithesis of all that. Lithesome and pale, with sand-colored hair that was cropped short and pale blue scales that traveled well up his torso. His delicately shaped fins were in constant motion, his tail moving into impossible shapes effortlessly. But the strangest thing was that he did not have a single human-made item on him. And if the grimace he gave Sirius’ necklace was anything to go by it was a deliberate choice on his part.

He was baffling to say the least. Sirius had never seen a species like him. Even through his fever and being dropped at death’s door he’d looked… pretty.

Now that Moony was on the mend the faded color in his scales was gone, replaced with a deep azure that shimmered with a vibrancy that made Sirius feel dull in comparison. As the merman swam closer his tail gleamed, reflecting the light as he moved. Even his eyes seemed brighter. Sirius’ stomach did a little flip.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Better. My tail’s a little sore.”

Sirius let out a snort. “I wonder why that is.”

Moony rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help smiling a little wider. He swam closer to Sirius, passing him several of the clams. “I brought you breakfast. I know it’s not much, but it should fill us up.”

Sirius nodded his thanks, shucking them open with the edge of his knife and eating quickly. His eyes scanned the reef. “What do they look like?”

“Who?”

“The merfolk you are trying to avoid.”

Moony stopped eating, his body going still. “How did you know?”

“It was a guess, but apparently a good one. So who are they?” Sirius smirked, fiddling an empty shell.

Moony swore, his tail swishing.

“They’re merfolk from my territory. By now they've probably searched all the adjacent territories and while most have probably quit, there’s still a chance --” He bit his lip, looking away.

 _That some of them could make their way here_. Sirius’ lip curled.

Over the course of the afternoon Sirius was able to talk Moony into sharing a few basic details. The merfolk who would still be looking for him were his friends. They looked like him, with colorful fins and fair skin, and they would probably be traveling alone.

Sirius was still trying to puzzle out where Moony had come from. It was obviously warmer than his own territory, probably somewhere closer to shallow waters, but that could be any number of places. Moony was still careful about what he shared, keeping many details deliberately vague.

* * *

As the day wore on Moony went back to the cave, eyes drooping shut. He swore at Sirius when he chuckled, tail curling around himself as he fell asleep.

Sirius couldn’t blame him for being tired. If what he’d said was true, Moony had spent the past several days doing little else but swimming. It was only natural that his body be desperate for sleep after such an ordeal. Even at his healthiest swimming for days at a time would have exhausted Sirius, and he was better suited for such activities and uninjured.

Sitting outside of the cave, Sirius let his mind wander. He kept thinking back to James and Regulus and all the things that his heart was telling him he should miss. He did miss James, there was no doubt about that, but the dull ache that had settled on his ribs when he left home had all but eased. It was a lonely existence in many ways, living in the unclaimed strip of ocean nestled between the merfolk territories and humans. But it was also freeing. Sirius didn’t have to feign delight in going to war, didn’t have to attend more galas and woo more mermaids that he cared nothing about. He didn’t have to do a damn thing if he didn’t want to.

It was exhilarating.

With a grin he swam out to through the coral, enjoying the way that the small fish zoomed past and the how the seaweed tickled his sides. Then he heard it. A deep low note that went on and on, only to be answered by another low, melodic sound and Sirius nearly laughed.

He turned, swimming quickly back to the cave and spotting Moony, still asleep. Grabbing the merman’s shoulder he shook it gently. When that only caused Moony to swat at him tiredly Sirius groaned, shaking him harder.

“Moony! Wake up! I have to show you something.”

“Eh…?”

“C’mon, get up!”

Sirius tugged on him until Moony grunted, sitting up groggily. He regarded Sirius with half opened eyes, too tired to do more than give a small glare. Once out of the cave Sirius swam faster, following the deep, low sounds, never letting go of Moony’s hand.

“Padfoot, what--”

The words died off and Moony’s eyes widened as he saw them. A pod of whales, swimming gracefully a little over a league from the coral reef. They were massive, deep blue with underbellies stripped white. Among them were two calves, a little larger than Sirius and Moony, their mothers eyeing the mermen dubiously.

Sirius laughed again, looking over at Moony. The merman was entranced, a small smile crossing his face as he watched. Sirius gave his hand a squeeze and inclined his head toward the pod.

“Care for a swim?”

Moony bit his bottom lip, thinking, then nodded, swimming quickly towards the whales. Sirius followed, catching up to him easily. One of the calves drifting over to them, trying to puzzle out who, or what, they were. Its mother was close by, eyes trained on Sirius. He couldn’t blame her; half his body was built like a predator.

Turning he saw Moony stop short, reaching out tentatively toward one of the larger whales. It let out a low moan and swam closer, allowing him to run a hand over its nose. His movements were slow and gentle, and the whales calmed, feeling less threatened. Smiling, he looked over at Sirius, wonder plain in his eyes.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” He asked, carefully swimming closer.

Moony nodded. “I’ve never seen one this close before.”

Sirius reached out, running his palm over the whale’s lower jaw, feeling the bumps and grooves there. He hadn’t been this close to one since he and Regs were children. The memory caused an ache deep in his chest. He’d nearly forgotten about that.

One of the larger whales let out a long moan and the pod swam towards the surface. Sirius followed them, hair plastering itself to his face as he broke through to the open air. He turned to grin at Moony, but he wasn't there. Spinning in a circle, Sirius double checked that he hadn’t missed the other merman somehow. One of the whales gave a splash as it swam back down and Sirius let the question drop from his mind.

Diving back down he saw Moony was waiting for them, tail twisting nervously. The younger of the two calves swam over to him, giving a small _thwop_ and rolling onto its side. Laughing, Moony did the same. Soon the two were playing a game to see how well the could mimic each other. Moony twisting and turning into impossible shapes and laughing when the calf tried to do the same.

They followed the whales until the pod disbanded, swimming further out to sea, their voices carrying for leagues before dying off entirely.

“Sirius.”

“What?”

“My name. It’s Sirius.” He looked over at Moony, smiling a little shyly. He didn’t know what had prompted him to say it, but if the smile on Moony’s face was anything to go off of it was the right decision.

“Remus.” The other merman replied quietly.

* * *

Sirius couldn’t sleep. It felt wrong. Remus was off hiding and he was in a stupid cave twiddling his thumbs like a fool. He had pleaded with him, not wanting to leave the other merman alone. Whatever it was that Remus was hiding from wasn't good.

During the last two days his demeanor rapidly changed, he was alert to ever sound and barely slept. Whatever he was afraid of could not bode well for either of them. Sirius was about to go for another swim in an attempt to clear his head when two voices sounded nearby.

“He’s not going to be here. _We_ shouldn’t be here, Fabian!”

“He wasn’t in the Fawcett’s territory, Peter. The last that we saw of him Remus was escaping on the current, which leads right through here. We have to at least look."

The first merman man made a displeased noise, swearing loudly. Sirius carefully reached for his knife, creeping closer to the mouth of the cave. The second merman was swimming closer by the sound of it.

"We told Gid that we weren’t going to stay long so you better make the best use of your time.”

Sirius froze. _Remus_. They were looking for Remus. He risked a glance around the edge of the cave's mouth, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

He was right, it was two mermen, perhaps a little older than him, and swimming directly toward where he was hiding. Grabbing his supplies he quickly shoved everything into his pack and swam further into the cave, hoping that the shadows would conceal him. Fighting against one merman he might have had a chance at escape, but not two.

The voices were getting closer and then one of them was swimming inside, squinting in the darkness. His colorful tail and vivid red hair a sharp contrast to the dark rocks. Sirius didn’t dare to move or breathe, his back pressed hard against the stony wall.

“Fabian, come on, he’s not here.”

The two men bickered among themselves as they swam away, their voices growing faint. Sirius didn’t move from his space at the back of the cave until he was sure they were gone. Swimming carefully out into the coral he saw them, two dots of bright color traveling north, toward Remus.

Before he could second guess himself Sirius grabbed his pack, slinging it over his shoulder and swam after them. If he was quick he could get there before daybreak.


	5. Chapter 5

It had taken Remus nearly a full day to talk Sirius into staying at the coral reef. The merman had argued that if there was indeed a threat coming that they should both be hiding. And under normal circumstances he would have been right. **  
**

However, nothing about Remus’ circumstance was normal, and explaining that the danger coming their way would have no affect on Sirius had been a difficult task. There had been several terrifying moments where Remus had swallowed back his words, nearly giving his secret away. And if Sirius’ disconcerted expression was anything to go by, the merman knew he was lying through his teeth. **  
**

Eventually Sirius had relented, but made it clear that they would be discussing the “threatening situation” upon his return. Remus had readily agreed, offering up a silent thanks to Poseidon that he was finally free to leave. He and Sirius shared an awkward handshake and then he was hurriedly swimming away before the other merman could ask anymore questions. Remus would deal with that hurdle once he got through the full moon in one piece. **  
**

The swim north was blessedly uneventful, giving him the much needed time to plan. Up until now there was never a need for Remus to face the moon alone, and while he had spent years learning how to cope with the affects of his curse, there was something terrifying about doing so alone. There had always been someone nearby, waiting for Remus to come to, smoothing over the rough edges the evening had left behind. **  
**

Remus shook his head, pushing the memories away. They couldn’t be of help to him now. He tried to swim faster, but his tail protested loudly, causing Remus to wince. The wound was still healing, although Sirius had stopped bandaging it the day before. He knew he should rest and let his body recover, but if he stopped there was the possibility that he wouldn’t make it to the cave in time. The worry only added to his nerves, making Remus feel frayed and raw. **  
**

When Sirius had led him to the cave the first time he had barely taken stock of his surroundings, his thoughts focused on the merman more than the space itself. The crevasse was remote, and the cave even more so, but it wasn’t foolproof. Remus could easily escape during or before his transformation. **  
**

It was a thought that had weighed heavy on his mind for the last two days. All of his planning and work would be for nothing if he managed to slip away. He needed to ensure that the entrance was solid enough to withstand the abuse his altered form gave. Remus shuddered at the memory of claw marks lining the walls and door of the chamber he was confined in back home. If he was desperate enough for escape it seemed unlikely that a few well-positioned rocks would be enough to contain him. **  
**

Even so, it was the best option he had to ensure he stayed put after turning. If he was lucky there would be something, maybe a boulder, inside the cave that he could use. If there wasn’t it would mean that Remus would either need to haul a rock from above the chasm into the cave, or find a way to restrain himself. Neither option was all that preferable. **  
**

However, that brought on another problem. If he did manage to seal the cave it would mean that he’d be trapped there for at least another day after turning back. Shifting forms had always been physically and mentally exhausting. Remus gnawed on his bottom lip, thinking. **  
**

Either way it would be a gamble. Remus didn’t like it, he felt too exposed; the cave was too easy to find, too accessible. Sirius already knew where he would be, and once he turned there would be no way to keep any merfolk out. And if by chance any were to swim by they would hear him and be drawn down. The only positive that he could think of was that in such an isolated part of the ocean the likelihood of Remus hurting someone was significantly limited. **  
**

Relief flooded him as Remus began recognizing his surroundings. Swimming down through the sea grass and thick foliage, he search for the edge of the crevasse. Without Sirius there to guide him Remus was stuck running his palms over sand and rock, hoping to find an edge that led downward. He knew from memory that while it wasn’t wide it was very long. It was only a matter of time until he found it. Or so he hoped. **  
**

Several times Remus had thought himself successful, only to realize that it was a stranded rock embedded in the sand or the broken bow of a human ship. As long minutes passed on his anxiety began to build. What if he couldn’t find it? He would be completely exposed and Poseidon only knew the damage and destruction he might cause then. **  
**

Remus could hear his heartbeat thudding loudly in his ears as his search became more frantic. The it was here, _somewhere_ , but there was so much space to cover. At best he had a few hours of time left, he couldn’t waste them. **  
**

Finally his hand felt the long, rough edge of stone, the water seeping upward significantly cooler to the touch. Tentatively he swam down and nearly gave a whoop of joy when it gave way to a deep gouge in the rock. He tried to recall where in the crevasse the cave was as he swam further down, eyes wide in an attempt to see in the dimming light. The deeper he swam the more rock and stone blended with the inky dark water. **  
**

He risked swimming faster and let out a hiss of surprise as his tail raked against a sharp rock. Remus twisted, fingers hesitantly prodding at the small gash near his hip. Thankfully it wasn’t very deep, and in any case it wouldn’t matter in a few hours time. **  
**

_Wait a second_ , he thought. Remus knew that rock. He’d made the same mistake before, his fingers skimming over the still healing bruise on his shoulder. Swimming further down his eyes searched for the glowing light that he knew should be there. Shimmying past several slick rocks he nearly cried with relief. The stones Sirius had left behind held only a dim glow now, but there was no mistaking them. **  
**

Gaining entrance to the cave his heart sank. The boulders that covered the mouth of the cave weren’t as large as he remembered. Remus searched quickly for a rock large enough to to block the entrance, but a quick glance revealed that the cave offered nothing of use. A jolt of fear went through Remus’ belly. He swam further back, pushing back the bubble of hysteria that was growing in his chest. There had to be _something_ , caves weren’t naturally empty and he doubted that Sirius had time to clear the entire space out. **  
**

“Poseidon’s arse, come _on_.” **  
**

He was nearing the end of the cave when he finally found one. A large boulder, wedged into the rock, but a boulder nonetheless. It took more time than he had to drag the damn thing, hauling it over the sandy for and roughly shoving the heavy stone into place. Remus sagged against the newly formed wall, taking in gillfuls of water, his heart beating loudly in his ears. **  
**

In the back of his mind he knew it wasn’t enough. At best the boulder is only haphazardly in place. Should someone put any real effort into dislodging it from the outside they would be able to gain entrance easily. With a groan he heaved himself up, collecting several more decently sized rocks and using them to wedge the boulder more securely in place. He hoped it was enough to restrain him. **  
**

There wasn’t anything he could do about that now. **  
**

Settling himself against the cave wall, all Remus could do now was wait. In the eerie light there was no way to gauge how much time he had left, but if his growing sense of restlessness was anything to go by it couldn’t be long. **  
**

Several long moments passed before he felt it. The nervous twitch and ache just under his skin, making his body feel too big and too small and wholly wrong. Remus swam toward the furthest corner of the cave, letting out an agitated whimper he swam back and forth, pacing in a tight circle. The waiting was almost as bad as the shifting itself. **  
**

It built up slowly, a thrumming sensation that began at the base of his spine, spreading up and out. A heavy pressure that quickly spread until it encapsulated his whole body. His skin felt like a mass of jellyfish stings; a desperate itch he needed to scratch. However, he knew through years of trial and error that clawing at his shifting form only made the pain worse and did little to hasten his body’s transformation. **  
**

The space between his shoulder blades was the first to change. Sharp spikes thrusting their way out from his spine, tearing through the gentle slope of his dorsal fin. Remus clenched his teeth, swallowing a yelp of pain. His fingernails were next, becoming sharp and hard as they dug into the flesh of his palms. **  
**

He curled into himself, trying instinctively to hide from the pain. He could hear his bones shifting and cracking, expanding outward. The lines of his body turning jagged and hard. His teeth were falling away, each landing with soft _thump_ on the sandy bottom of the cave, replaced with dagger-like incisors, sharp enough to tear through flesh. The teal and blue scales of his tail were next, slowly peeling away, replaced by thick, blue-black leathery plating that was built more for protection than mobility. Remus let out a cry as they pushed through the scar tissue at the end of his tail, causing him to jerk violently in protest. **  
**

_Just keep breathing, it will be over soon, keep breathing_. The mantra did little to help, but he repeated it anyway, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Remus knew that the shift between his two forms only took a few minutes at the very longest, but it felt like an age. An unceasing torment as his insides shifted and writhed and his body remade itself. His mind was the last to alter, clinging to the being he knew to be himself, to be Remus. Fighting against the nature of the creature that had devoured him.

* * *

The first thought that drifted into his mind was how still the water was. Too still and heavy. It felt wrong against his skin. There was no current, no sounds filtering in, everything muffled by heavy stone. He didn’t like it. There was nothing here for him. **  
**

He searched the place he was in, it was new, not at all like the space he was used to. A wide smile crossed his lips as he looked around. He was in a cave. Caves have exits. It would be quick work finding this one’s, and then he would be free. He gave a shiver of delight. **  
**

The light was dim here, an annoying hindrance, but simple enough to bypass. Feeling over the stone he made quick work of it, catching the slight ebb and flow of water that came from a spot concealed by several large stones. **  
**

He gave them a hard shove, noting that a few smaller stones readily dislodged themselves. This was even easier than he expected. It took some work, maneuvering a larger rock free, his nails digging into its surface. His efforts were rewarded however, when one of the large rocks rolled free, landing with a _whump_ on the floor. The victory was short lived, and he hissed at the cave’s exit. The space was barely large enough to fit his upper body through, he was still too wide, too big. **  
**

Growling with frustration he pulled his body back into the cave. For several long hours he tried to work the other large stones free, nails skidding over the thick, slippery algae. He had slammed his fists against them, clawed them, tried to wrench them free, all with the same result. _He was so close!_ The outside was right there, the current teasing him, and yet here he remained, trapped again. **  
**

No. No, not this time. **  
**

He needed to get out, to touch another person, merfolk or human, it made little difference. His fingers ached with the need to hold someone close, to feel their pulse against his lips and hear their breath. It was an ache so deep he felt he might die from it. **  
**

All around the cave he could sense him. A merman with midnight hair and starlight eyes. He had been here, lived here, every edge and hollow held traces of of his fins and fingertips. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t _him_. He howled low in his throat, desperate for what was once here. **  
**

It wasn’t just that he wanted to touch the phantom in his mind. It was deeper. There was a spark of recognition from the dark recesses of his mind. The merman whose body he shared… he craved him. In a way that he was all too familiar with. That was new. He could not help but wonder what this merman had done to spark such feelings. **  
**

_Sirius_. **  
**

Would he come looking? The place was obviously his, it only made sense he would. And then… **  
**

Some long-buried feeling surged from his chest, and he howled again, slamming himself against the boulders again with new vigor. Tilting his head back he sang out, a long slow melody the echoed upward. It would only be a matter of time before someone heard. **  
**

And then would get be free. He would, even if it killed him.

* * *

It took much longer than Sirius liked to reach the cave, the first hints of dawn were already flickering over the water’s surface. Very soon he would lose his advantage, the dark grey of his tail would stand out as a beacon once night lifted. Sirius was certainly faster than them, if Remus’ abilities were anything to go by, and he pushed his body to move faster. He had to get there first. **  
**

Remus. Their discussion still didn’t sit right with him. There was something the merman was desperate to hide, that much was obvious. He had contradicted himself repeatedly, nervously making excuses whenever Sirius pointed out the flaws in his argument. He was fairly certain that merfolk were searching for Remus, but he didn’t look nearly as haunted by the idea as he had when Sirius offered to come with him. **  
**

_What are you hiding?_ , he thought. **  
**

He was so caught up in his thoughts Sirius didn’t notice movement from behind one of the nearby rocks until it reached out and grabbed him. Strong arms pinning his own against his sides. Sirius swore, thrashing his tail violently. He didn’t have time for this. **  
**

“Let go of me, you grubby air breather!” He yelled, throwing his head back, trying to headbutt his attacker and being rewarded with a loud swear, the arms around him tightening. **  
**

“What are you doing here?” **  
**

“None of your bloody business. Let me go!” **  
**

“Not going to happen.” **  
**

Hair tickled at Sirius’ nose and he realized with a start it wasn’t his. Bright red mingled with his black and he stared. Suddenly it clicked. **  
**

“You’re with those other two, aren’t you?” **  
**

The merman stiffened. Twisting, he shoved Sirius hard into a nearby rock causing him to wince. He looked so much like the red merman he had seen at the reef that it was startling. The only real differences between the two being their penchant for violence and hair length. _Twins_ , he realized. The merman squeezed his arms tighter, shaking him. **  
**

“What did you do with them?” **  
**

“I didn’t _do_ anything. They were the ones poking about the reef that I live in.” **  
**

“Whaleshit. They should have been back hours ago. Where are they?” **  
**

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek. He knew they had swum north, but that didn’t mean that they were heading toward Remus. The mermen were unaccustomed to the terrain, that much was clear. There wasn’t a chance in Charybdis that Sirius was going to disclose information that would lead them in the right direction. He was about to say as much when a voice sounded behind them. **  
**

“Gideon, what in Delphin’s name are you doing?” **  
**

The red merman released him instantly, looking over his shoulder. It was the golden merman from the reef, followed quickly by the red. Getting a better look at him now Sirius saw that he was less muscled than the two brothers, who seemed to be holding an entire conversation with long glances and facial expressions. Definitely twins. **  
**

“I was asking him where you two were. Sharks don’t belong anywhere near this territory.” Said the long haired merman -- Gideon, Sirius corrected. **  
**

The other two mermen glanced between him and their friend. The golden merman was staring, no, scrutinizing his necklace. Sirius felt a bubble of anger build up inside him, crossing his arms defensively across his chest. **  
**

“Last I heard this wasn’t anyone’s territory, _Gideon_.” Sirius said through gritted teeth. **  
**

The merman looked ready to strike him again, when his brother spoke up. **  
**

“Let it go, Gid. He doesn’t know where Remus is. We’re running out of time.” **  
**

There was a worried set to his mouth that didn’t fit with the story Remus had told. If these mermen were after him as he had implied, why would they be so anxious? By all counts they should be far more frustrated and far less concerned with the merman’s wellbeing. It could all be an elaborate ruse to throw him off, but that was unlikely, they had no reason to suspect Sirius knew Remus. **  
**

He glanced around, trying to find a speedy exit. Regardless of their purpose, he wanted to find Remus before they did. **  
**

A few moments later Sirius saw his opportunity as the mermen began bickering amongst themselves, and swam for the crevasse. It didn’t seem to matter much for him to be covert about his destination anymore. All that mattered was getting there first. **  
**

He heard a yell of surprise, but their words were muffled by the sound of water rushing past his ears. If he could reach the seagrass it would offer him some cover. If necessary he could double back to confuse them. Without knowing where to look for it would take them hours to find the chasm hidden below. **  
**

_Just a little farther_ , he thought. The meadow of seagrass coming into view. He swam low, belly nearly skimming the sand as he slipped into the smooth grass. He was almost there, fingers searching for the edge of the chasm -- **  
**

Sirius froze. **  
**

It was unlike anything he had ever heard before. A heartbreaking melody that went on and on, alluring and dangerous and leaving him desperate for more. It filled his mind, setting his blood on fire. As the last note faded Sirius dived down into the crevasse, chasing its echoes. **  
**

Behind him Sirius could hear one of the mermen shouting, telling him to stop. The words didn’t make sense. How could he stop when he was so close, couldn’t they hear it? The song was still ringing in his ears, but it wasn’t enough, he needed more. A whine escaped his throat as he swam further down, his tail raking against a jagged stone. **  
**

Some far recess of his mind recognized where he was, that he had been here before. It should mean something, but he couldn’t remember _what_. A flickering image of a boy with sandy hair and shiny blue scales brushed against his mind, but he pushed it away. The only thing mattered was finding who, or what, had made such a beautiful song. They couldn’t be far. **  
**

Suddenly the song came again, louder than before, each note ringing pure and clear. Sirius turned, following it like a beacon to a nearby cave. Boulders covered most of the entrance and he had to wiggle his body through the small gap. His eyes strained to see in the faint light, the melody echoing against the walls of the cave. **  
**

There was someone near the back of the cave, huddled into themselves. Sirius swam closer, breathe catching in his lungs, eyes unblinking. **  
**

They were beautiful. Dark blues and greens and reds blending effortlessly together, forming the sharp lines and gentle slopes of their body.There was something otherworldly and untameable about them, but their eyes… he knew those eyes. Swimming closer the strange creature turned, taking him in, its song ceasing. Sirius tentatively reached out, fingertips nearly skimming over a sharp fin. **  
**

Recognition flickered back at him and the creature tried to retreat further into the cave, letting out a long keening note as he shrank from his touch. Sirius made hushing noises, swimming closer. Their color was changing, blues and reds fading as another low note escaped its lips. **  
**

He knew that song. It was the same one his own heart made. This creature was as lost and broken as he was, their eyes wide and pleading. Sirius’ heart ached with the knowledge. Nothing as beautiful and perfect as this deserved such a fate. Sirius leaned in, eyes slipping closed as he molded his mouth against the creature before him, trying to convey all that he felt with the movement of lips and hands. **  
**

The moment their bodies touched Sirius’ world exploded around him, turning into violent agony. He clutched at the creature in his arms, a scream tearing from his throat. He needed to get away, but his body couldn’t move. He could feel hands, warm and smooth, reached out for him, a voice yelling his name. Sirius turned his face toward the sounds, his sight blurring, heart leaping in his chest. It was Remus

 _He’s safe_ , Sirius thought as another wave of pain surged through him, his vision turning dark.


	6. Chapter 6

 It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

Sirius was curled tightly into himself, gills fluttering rapidly as they tried to give his body the oxygen it desperately needed. He clung to Remus, fingers wrapped tightly around his wrists, hard enough to bruise. Remus took it as a blessing, that the other merman still had strength enough in his body to do that much.

His mouth still prickled where Sirius’ lips hand pressed against his own, a searing mark that he still felt against his skin.

_What were you thinking, Sirius?_

None of it made sense. He had been so careful to keep him away. Remus’ body was already beginning to shift back into its normal form when the merman had found him, the fog lifting from his mind enough to know that he shouldn't’ be there.

Remus had tried. Curling as far back as his body would allow. But it had done nothing to stop the inevitable.

Why could Sirius not have come later? Even if only by a few minutes, it would have been enough. The knowledge tore at him.

It was a wonder that he was still alive, one he could not comprehend. All he could do was stare in horror as Sirius continued to fade.

There were voices, echoing off the stones, but Remus didn’t move. Sirius’ was clinging to him and for some part of his mind knew that if he let go Sirius would stop trying so hard to keep his heart beating.

“Fuck the gods.”

He knew that voice. It didn’t belong there. Remus’ mind was sluggish as he tried to focus on the figure at the mouth of the cave.

Gideon. Gideon was there. Staring at him, eyes wide. There was a ghost of a smile on his face until he looked at what Remus was holding, mouth tightening into a thin line.

Then he was twisting, shouting something into the darkness, but the words didn’t make sense. There was something important in him being here, but Remus couldn’t muster the energy to see what it might be.

“Shit. Fabian! I found him!”

The words were too loud, causing him to wince. Gideon’s eyes didn’t waver as he swam closer, focused on Remus and the merman in his arms. Something in his expression causing tears to sting his eyes, a mixture of fear and pity that finally broke him, his chest giving way to deep heaving sobs.

“Help me. I don’t know what to do. He can’t die. He can’t. He can’t.” The words spilled out, tumbling over themselves. Sirius murmured, his head turning towards Remus’ voice, but were too faint to understand.

Gideon was near enough to touch, near enough that Remus could feel his warmth.A small comfort, one he didn’t deserve. Sirius was turning pale, his grip loosening and Remus could do nothing.

He was going to watch him die.

The thought burned through him, harsher and heavier than he expected. When did they become so close? When had Sirius crept into his chest? Mere weeks filled with the merman’s company, yet he had somehow pulled Remus from the shadows that he hid himself in.

He should have told him. Should have been honest, for once, about his purpose in seeking refuge in the cave. Why he had secreted himself away. Perhaps if he had Sirius wouldn’t have come searching, wouldn’t be here now, gills moving too slow and heart beating too fast.

Remus cradled him close, his voice barely a whisper. “You can’t die.”

There were arms, wrapping around him and a voice that was saying his name, the vowels cracking. It took everything he had to look away from Sirius, eyes setting on Peter, the yellow of his tail fading into gold in the low light. He looked as exhausted and weary as Remus felt, mouth curving into a tremulous smile as he held Remus closer.

“We need to get you both out of here. We can take him back to the territory and treat him there.”

Remus shook his head violently, the words caught in his throat. Even if, by some miracle, they managed to swim back, he knew what Lyall would do. A shark, even as close to death as Sirius was, would be speared through the chest before they could even break words. It would be a death sentence and they all knew it.

“Do you know where his people are?”

His voice shakes as he looks back at Sirius, thinking back to their talks about his home and Regulus and the life he left behind. “He doesn’t have any.”

Peter shared a look with the twins, his body stiffening. They’ve known each other too long, years of friendship affording them the ability to hold conversations built from glances and the shifting of shoulders. Remus glances at them, his throat tight with unshed tears.

Fabian swims closer, his face carefully set into a neutral mask. He knows that look; it’s the same he had when brought into war councils, his young mind set to the task of finding solutions to impossible problems.

“We can’t save him, Remus. You must know --”

A growl threatens to escape his throat and he holds Sirius tighter, vaguely aware of the way Peter’s arm clung tighter around his shoulders. More to keep him in place than to offer comfort. Gideon swam closer, lacing his fingers with his brother’s to offer him what strength he may have. It only made the knot it Remus’ chest twist more violently. “Remus. There is nothing you can do.”

“He’s still alive, Fabian! Look at him. You know what he should be by now.”

There was only silence in response. They all knew what he should be, gills merging into the skin of his neck, tail ripping itself apart to form appendages meant for land and not sea. Sirius should be human.

Yet Remus couldn’t find hope in it. None of them knew how long it would take for the curse to take effect, never having dared to test the theories found in old books and scrolls. All they knew was the end result.

“We need to to take him to the surface. If he turns he may yet survive.”

Peter. His voice steady as he looked to the three other mermen, viewed more as brothers than friends. It was a dangerous plan, none of them have ever been exposed to the open air for more than a few moments at a time.

Fabian scrubbed his face, his words muffled.

“How do we move him?”

* * *

The swim out of the cave was slow, carefully navigating the chasm with Sirius wedged between Fabian and Gideon’s shoulders. The merman had yet to awaken, head rolling listlessly from side to side. Remus had tried to refuse help from Peter as he swam, not wanting to burden him any further. But as the edges of his vision wavered he couldn’t help muttering his thanks as Peter wrapped a steadying arm around his waist.

“How did you manage to find such a place?” Gideon asked through gritted teeth, trying to find a better grip on Sirius as he and his brother maneuvered him into open waters.

“Padfoot found it.” Remus said, as he took Peter’s hand, nodding his thanks as he was heaved from the seagrass.

“ _Padfoot_? What sort of name is that?”

“The kind that he gave when I asked.” Remus smiled weakly. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t give Sirius’ true name, not without the merman’s permission. He heard Fabian give a low chuckle as they swam upward.

Remus knew they had questions; were he in their place he would as well. Yet he could only think of one response to it all:

“How did you find me?”

Peter smirked, giving Remus a gentle squeeze. “It wasn’t easy. Your father went into a rage when he realized what had happened. Sending out emissaries to plan for war. From what we learned --

“Eavesdropped --”

“--  _Learned_. Was that the Fawcetts had been attacked at well, and if their plans came to fruition they will be setting upon Nurmengard any day now. Lyall had made efforts to seal the territory, it was only because of Doge that we were allowed a search party.”

“Doge? He lives?”

“He does. He oversaw the search party in the Fawcett’s territory and the connecting territories. When that proved fruitless we… improvised.”

“What Peter means is that the three of us snuck out in search of you. Poseidon only knows the shit we will be in once we return.” Gideon grinned widely over his shoulder. “Although coming back with you in tow will certainly ease the sting of it.”

Remus bit down hard on his bottom lip. He didn’t have it in him to tell his friends that he had no intent to return. It felt as though he was swimming through mud; every movement taking far more energy than he had. There were words that needed to be said, but he couldn’t force them past his throat. Pushing himself to exhaustion was the easier choice.

“So if Padfoot found this place, why is it he was so far from it?”

“I couldn’t have him near, it was too much of a risk.” He offered Peter a weak smile. “I -- We’ve been staying near a coral reef, he was supposed to wait there.”

“I told you, Peter! If he was going to hide out somewhere, it would be there.” Fabian called from above them.

“You were at the reef?”

“Both Pete and I, yeah. We didn’t run into your little friend here until close to daybreak.”

That gave Remus pause.

“Was he following you?”

“The opposite actually. We would have never found you had we not spotted him.”

Remus spent the rest of their swim to the surface mulling over this new information. What could have caused Sirius to travel all the way to the crevasse? He was missing something, some vital piece to explain the day’s events.

As they neared the surface he let out a small sigh of relief. There was no sign of humans or ships against the morning light. A blessing, however small. Even so, their plan was flawed; with nothing to rest Sirius against the mermen were stranded at the surface, exposing themselves to anyone that might be near.

Remus shared what he could about the previous weeks and how he had come to meet Sirius. More often than not he was forced to evade questions, not wanting to disclose anything about his friend lest it cause him harm. From the looks the twins still bore the shark held between them, it seemed the wisest choice.

“I am certain your friend appreciates the effort we are putting in to his safety, Remus. But we cannot stay here all day waiting for him to live or die.” Gideon’s tone wasn’t unkind, but there was an obvious strain in his arms and back which mirrored Fabian’s. It was no easy task to hold another aloft for such an extended time.

Sirius still had not turned; instead his body was becoming a pale shadow of its former self, tail a faint grey, lips white. He looked more dead than alive, and it terrified Remus. He was about to swim up to the surface when Peter halted him, eyes filled with worry.

“They’re right, Remus. We can’t stay out in the open like this.”

“I know, but what choice do I have?” Remus bit his lip, thinking. “I could drag him to the coast…”

“Are you out of your damn mind?!” Fabian’s face was dark with anger. He swam closer, forcing Gideon to shoulder all of Sirius’ weight as he looked on.

“Do you understand the risks we made to find you? We could be exiled for this, or worse. And yet you choose to help this stupid --”

“I will not leave him to die.” Remus stared down at his friend, unflinching. The curse hadn’t turned Sirius yet, hadn’t killed him. While he knew it was foolish, he couldn’t help but grasp at the hope that the merman may yet survive this.

Fabian sneered, his hands balled tightly into fists. “Then you are a fool.” He turned, swimming away before more words could be spoken.

* * *

Gideon had swum off in search of his brother sometime later, leaving Peter and Remus to tend to the still unconscious Sirius. It was nearing sunset when they returned with news. A few leagues on there was a nearly sunken atoll, one that lacked any sign of human occupation.

“I’ll take you there, but that is it. I’m not going to follow this madness of yours. I'm not about to die for this… thing.” Fabian’s voice was hard, keeping his focus on Peter as his brother hovered beside him. At Peter’s nod they had shouldered Sirius again, swimming onward without further word.

“His _name_ is Padfoot.”

The sound that escaped Fabian’s lips caused fear to race down Remus' spine.

“Look at him, Remus! You know his kind! We have been at war with the sharks since you were a child. Why are you helping him?”

“Because he saved me.” Remus’ voice was quiet, his eyes trained on Sirius’ chest, his necklace swayed with the motions of the two brothers that carried him. He was still pale, still more dead than alive.

“Then let’s beach the bastard on the shore and be done with this.”

It set Remus further on edge he couldn’t blame his friends’ dismissal. It was madness. He had befriended a merman that for all rights and purposes he should have wished dead. The circumstances of their meeting had dulled suspicion, their willing exile had brought camaraderie, but none of his friends had reason to feel the same. It was miraculous that they had helped him this far.

For all he knew Sirius would never wake from the effects of the curse. Even so it stung that they couldn’t understand his responsibility for the other merman, how much hinged on the fact that Sirius still breathed.

As they neared the shore prickles of anxiety ran down his spine. Remus knew the idea was shit, just as he knew that his friends were only aiding him out of the love they shared. But even that would only go so far. He had fled home to spare others the burden of his curse, only to cause even worse damage. Failure curled in his stomach, tight and hard, causing acid to creep up his throat. His eyes burned with it.

Peter slowed, waiting for Remus to meet him. He said nothing for long minutes, simply offering comfort with his presence. Remus was undeserving of it, always had been, and yet Peter had never questioned the worth of their friendship.

“Will you come back?” He asked quietly, warm eyes trained ahead, watching the twins whisper over the top of Sirius’ head.

“I don’t see how I can. Father could not harbor a murderer in his walls --”

“It was self defense, Remus. As were Gideon’s action, something Lyall was more than understanding of. You were given no choice; you either had to claim his life or lose your own.”

“And what of Padfoot? What if by my ignorance he --” Remus choked on the word.

“He may yet live. For some reason death has spared him.”

Peter’s hand twined within his own, squeezing hard, a tremulous smile on his lips. Remus could only imagine what he had sacrificed in effort to find him. What all of them had done over the flimsy hope that he was still alive. Even now he refused to turn from Remus, although he had every right to share in the anger and frustration felt by the twins.

“He may yet live.” Remus whispered.

* * *

Night was in full bloom as they reached the strip of sand. It took the four of them to haul Sirius up the shore, sand sticking roughly to their skin. The air burned their gills and made Remus feel dizzy, his body accustomed to siphoning through water. Sirius coughed heavily as his lungs filled and expanded, the first sign of him still being among the living in hours. His eyes opened for a moment and then he was curling into the sand, a small whine escaping his lips.

Gideon gave the merman a measuring look, his cheek twitching irritably. He was already dragging himself back toward the water, Fabian close behind. Peter twisted, looking back toward the ocean nervously.

Neither he nor Peter had ever been on land before. The idea of being stranded in such a place, alone, caused fear to travel up his spine. Even though no humans lived on the sandy shore, it was no promise that they would not come. They were at a disadvantage on land, no longer quick and graceful. Easy targets for any who would see them captured.

“I’ll stay with him until you return with food, Remus. Then we can change watch over him when the sun rises.” Peter’s voice trembled slightly, although he tried to hide it in the posture of his body, his mouth turning into a thin line.

He watched as the twins dove back into the water, bodies disappearing beneath the waves. Perhaps it was not the wisest choice to bring Sirius here.

“I'm staying.” Remus said, eyes not leaving the faint fluttering of the other merman’s pulse.

“Remus, you are still recovering from the moon’s turn --”

“I will not leave him, Peter.”

His friend sighed but said nothing else, moving closer to Remus, his face scrunched up at the coarse sensation of dry sand against scales and fins.

“Then I will stay with you.”

The silence between them stretched on, broken only by the ragged breathing of the merman between them. He was weak, fading before Remus’ eyes, and yet there was a tether that held him to the world. Remus could only hope it was enough to see Sirius through this. Grotesque images flashing in his mind in rapid succession; sightless eyes staring at up him, a body that was forced into a new form even as it relinquished life.

A dawning realization struck Remus. Should Sirius die, he lacked the knowledge of his funeral rites. There was no doubt that they differed from his own, buried within the coral to further replenish the terrain that sustained his people. It felt like a heavy stone in his chest as he wondered whether Sirius’ death would be felt among his own people. Would he be mourned?

Without thinking, Remus brushed his fingers over the still damp hair near Sirius’ temple.

He could see Peter out of the corner of his eye, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. Remus knew the expression well; his friend was trying to find the best words to broach a subject neither of them wished to discuss.

“Peter, whatever is troubling you, say it. It can’t make tonight any worse.”

His friend stilled, fingers brushing away the fine grains of sand that still clung to him. “Why won’t you come back with us, Remus? Would it truly be so terrible?” He dragged his body closer, reaching out to grasp Remus’ hand. “We are like brothers.”

“We are. But…”

“But?”

“I can’t be responsible for another death, Peter.”

He hoped that the words carry the meaning he intended. He couldn’t leave Sirius to die alone and afraid after risking so much to pull Remus from death. Looking down at his tail he could see the shiny knot of scar tissue. It was all that remained of a wound that should have killed him. It was a debt he could never fully repay.

“Do you care for him that deeply?”

A smile ghosted across Remus’ face. “I do.”


	7. Chapter 7

Peter had left just after dawn to forage for food and supplies, the waters surrounding the atoll were thankfully abundant and he did not have to search far. He reappeared within the hour with several small fish and some seaweed. His was mouth pressed into a thin line as he hauled his body back onto the sandy shore, and Remus knew better than to ask if he had seen the twins. They were surely long gone by now, swimming back to their territory with the news that Remus was alive and not returning. He could almost imagine his father’s fury at that, although he doubted whether there would be a second attempt to bring him home.

There was something cool and wet being shoved into Remus’ hand and looked over at Peter.

“You have to eat something.”

Remus said nothing in reply, ignoring the food at first, his stomach churning too violently to consider it. But by the time the sun was fully in the sky he had started to take careful bites, tearing off pieces from the fish and chewing slowly, testing whether or not he could hold it down. Within in minutes both the fish and the seaweed were gone, but somehow he felt hungrier after eating than he had before.

His friend offered him a small smile, one that said ‘if you won’t take care of yourself, Remus Lupin, I will do it for you.’ He knew Peter was right, he needed to take care of himself. Remus had pushed his body to its limits these past two days, it was a miracle that he was still awake and coherent. Even so he couldn’t risk sleeping yet. The idea that he would be leaving Sirius alone, even in the pursuit of dreams, weighed too heavy on him to contemplate.

Sirius was still breathing. His body had not changed form, his gills and tail still present even if he was nearly motionless. Occasionally a quiet sound would escape him, something between a whimper and a growl, before his chest turned back to its slow rhythm. Sirius had showed little sign of response to touch or words during the hours before dawn, and he didn’t know if his actions now meant he fighting to live or trying to die.

Remus didn’t know which one he’d prefer at this point.

If Sirius did manage to pull through this, how could he possibly explain everything? With Peter it had been different; they had known each other before he was cursed, they had years of friendship to hold them together. The twins, who had known him almost as long as Peter had, were still wary at times. All he and Sirius had were a few weeks of hiding in the same cave and deliberately ignoring the lives they had run away from.

Would he understand? Remus didn’t see how he could, he had nearly killed the other merman, what’s to say he wouldn’t in the future if they remained friends? He should have beached himself that first night instead of looking for a place to hide. If he had been found by humans none of this would have happened.

“Stop that.”

Remus blinked several times, pulling away from his thoughts and trying to focus on Peter. “Stop what?”

“Finding ways to blame yourself. You had no control over this, Remus.”

Remus bit the inside of his cheek but nodded, not wanting to argue. It was something they had debated for years now, whether or not Remus’ ability to harm and kill in his altered state made him responsible for his actions. Peter had said it didn’t, that when he transformed none of his logic or reasoning remained, so he couldn’t be blamed for it. But it was still _his_ body that caused these things to happen. _His_ body that could kill and destroy with a single touch. How could he not be responsible for his own actions?

He didn’t have the energy to mull it over in his head. His body was desperate for sleep, muscles aching from the effort of holding himself up on land, his eyes burning, feeling itchy and dry. Twice now he had nearly fallen asleep, toppling forward and barely catching himself before he fell onto the sand. Nothing felt entirely real anymore, the edges blurring together between his thoughts and reality.

_Stay awake. You have to stay awake._

Remus moved closer, watching Sirius breathe. His chest rising and falling in one fluid motion. His fingers ghosted over a wrist, finding the pulse there. Its steady rhythm offering a small comfort. As long as his heart kept beating he had a chance.

* * *

Remus’ face was pressed into something gritty, sticking to his mouth and in his hair. Peter was calling his name, but the sounds were muffled, vowels drawn out and wrong. He groaned in reply, pressing himself into the warmth the sand offered, ignoring the way the coarse grains scrubbed against him and the harsh burn against his back and shoulders. His tail felt stiff, fins and scales pulled too tight over muscles and tendons, and he was sure that if he risked moving that his skin would crack open.

There was a hand shoving him now and he hissed at the way it made his skin sting even more, swatting at it irritably.

His body was screaming for more sleep. For more water. For a reprieve from the demands Remus had placed upon it. The idea of opening his eyes, let alone becoming lucid was almost laughable. His hand curled around the pulse point that thrummed against fingertips, slipping back into sleep within seconds.

Peter’s voice was louder now, more insistent.

“Remus.”

“Nngh.”

“ _Remus_.”

“G’way.”

“He’s awake.”

Two words and his body was jarred from its sleep. Sitting up too fast, sharp pain washed over his skin with the strain of his movements, his brain turning fuzzy and the world spinning dangerously around him as sparks flashed behind closed eyes. He nearly loses his balance, Peter gripping his arm tightly to steady him. It was reassuring, a heavy pressure that kept him anchored in place. Once the dizziness abated Remus risked opening an eye.

Sirius was moving, his tail fidgeting irritably as a trembling hand reached up to touch his face, a groan pulled from deep in his throat. His skin was redder than before and he grimaced in displeasure when his movements proved painful. Guilt twisted in his chest as Remus belatedly realized that they should have moved further up the coast, found a tree or overhanging rock to protect themselves from the rising sun. He risked a glance up at Peter who seemed to be thinking, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Sirius’ eyes weren't open yet, but his face was scrunched up tight. His hand moving down to his necklace, fingers twining into the charms on his necklace. It seemed to calm him, his shoulders relaxing somewhat as he took in a deep breath.

“Neptune’s arse…”

Remus blinked dumbly and then he was laughing, the sound bubbling up from deep in his chest. Sirius was _alive_. Not hovering in some dangerous place between here and death. Remus’ fingers moved from the merman’s wrist to his hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently. It was easy now to ignore how dry his body felt, the pain and fatigue slipping away to the back of his mind. It didn’t matter. Sirius was awake. Awake and wonderfully alive.

Sirius opened one grey eye, blinking slowly as he focused on Remus’ face. His mouth pulled into a frown, glaring openly at Remus, but it only caused him to laugh harder, scrubbing away the wetness on his cheeks.

“What’s so funny? I feel like death warmed over.” Sirius’ voice was hoarse, more a raspy whisper than actual speech.

Peter chuckled softly. “Well, you aren’t entirely wrong.”

Sirius blinked again, turning toward the second voice and taking in the other merman, his expression changing rapidly from annoyance to confusion and finally anger. “ _You_.”

“Padfoot, I know him.”

“And do you know he and his goons wanted to kill me?”

“We weren’t going to ki --”

“So that redhead was trying to strangle me for the fun of it?”

“They were looking for me.”

Sirius stiffened as both mermen turned to look at Remus. Peter offered him a small smile and murmured some about needing to find their noonday meal, quickly shuffling towards the water. Sirius had yet to take his eyes off Remus, fingers going lax in his own. They watched Peter’s slow progress, hearing his swear loudly as he was overrun by a particularly large wave, tail flopping awkwardly as he tried to right himself.

He knew he should say something, but the words were stuck in his throat. Remus didn’t know how much he needed to share, or if sharing any of it would help matters or worsen them. The silence between them stretching on, pressing down on his chest like a tangible thing, pulling the air from his lungs. Sirius was still staring, eyes unmoving from where they rested on his face. Remus could almost see the thoughts whirling about in his head, hurt and confusion clear on his face. He looked away, pretending to find interest in the shoreline as he shifted awkwardly, trying to hide a grimace at the way the sand scraped against him.

“Why?” The question was barely a whisper, but it still trembled as it passed Sirius’ lips. It surprised Remus how much one word could hurt, tugging at some place deep in his chest.

“Why what?”

“Why are you with them if they were looking for you? You said that there were ‘dangerous merfolk’, and that’s why you had to hide from them. But they aren’t dangerous, are they?” Sirius’ was quiet and controlled, which somehow made it even worse. If he had yelled, put up a fight, Remus could have defended himself against the questions. But the merman sounded defeated and betrayed, his words catching between his teeth.

“Why did you lie to me?”

Remus looked down, trying to hide they way his eyes were prickling, tears welling up. He had no right to feel hurt, he did this. He was the cause of all Sirius’ pain. Taking a shaky breath he looked over at the other merman, forcing his voice to be calm, to not quake as he spoke.

“Because I’m a monster.”

Sirius scrunched up his nose, snorting as he looked away, tugging his hand free from Remus’ grasp and shrugging off his attempt to help as he sat up. “Right. And I’m a princess.”

A tremulous smile flitted across Remus’ face and he curled his fingers into the sand.

“How much of yesterday do you remember?”

“What does that have to do wi --”

“Just answer the question, Sirius. Please.”

Sirius let out a huff, fingers tangling in his necklace again. “I remember you leaving, telling me to stay at the reef. And then those merman showed up talking about you, and I thought… I didn’t want them to find you, so I left the reef, swan out to get to you first. And on the way one of them caught me and tried to kill me. And then….”

“And then?”

“I don’t know. I heard… something. It wasn’t a song or music but it wasn’t a voice. And I needed to find it. So I followed it and got to the crevasse and…”

Remus was watching him, barely daring to breathe as Sirius puts the pieces together. His hand had stilled at his throat, fingers curled around one of the charms on his necklace as his eyebrows knitted together, mouth falling open. Remus can feel wetness trailing down his cheeks again but doesn’t bother wiping it away.

“It was you.”

There is no question in Sirius’ voice and Remus doesn’t bother to nod in reply. He can feel his throat seizing up, trying to hold back the sobs that want to escape his body. He can’t look at Sirius, can’t watch him tear away, flee back into the ocean and far from him.

He can’t find it in himself to be angry. He deserves this.

“How long?”

The words jolted through him and Remus hiccuped as he looked over at Sirius, not quite able to meet his eyes, his voice sounding rough and heavy. “What?”

“How long have you been like this?”

“Years.”

There is fear in Sirius’ eyes now, mixed with morbid curiosity and Remus know the question he’s going to ask before he even says it. “How?”

“It was during one of the conflicts in our territory. They tried to take me and my mother away, and when she fought back --” Remus swallowed past the knot in his throat. “It was some kind of dark magic. My mother tried to save me.”

His chest hurts, an ache that curls down his spine. The words are forced out of him as his throat constricts, gills drawing up and in from the force of it. Remus can’t see, the world turning blurry as more tears fall.

“She died because of me. Died protecting a monster.”

Remus could feel his eyes boring into his skin. It makes him want to escape, to hide from whatever he is planning to say next. His body feels too tight, squeezing until it hurts to breathe. Anything would be better than this.

“So you ran away. Decided to live with me and pretend that this wasn’t going to happen.”

“I didn’t mean --”

“I wasn’t supposed to survive whatever happened in that cave, was I?”

Remus could only shake his head. Sirius was quiet, his body too still.

“You lied. About everything. Would rather lie about who you are and kill me.”

Sirius’ voice sounded hollow and defeated. Remus clenched his fists into the sand, holding back the emotions that were trying to claw out of him. It hurt in a way he never could have imagined, more than his father’s scorn, more than the uneasiness that Peter always had when the moon was close.

More than the memory of his mother.

A choked sound comes from Sirius that he tries to cover with a laugh.

The calm grace that Remus had always related to Sirius was gone. His body was a line of tense muscle. Only his tail still moved, its motions sharp and jagged. There was a smile on his face, forced and showing too many teeth. Only his eyes gave away anything, quickly looking away when Remus drew closer.

“Alright.”

Remus felt the ghosting of fingertips across his own and then Sirius was moving forward, heaving his body toward the water. He doesn’t look back.


	8. Chapter 8

Peter had returned some time later, the hopeful expression on his face dropping when he saw that Remus was alone. He didn’t ask what had happened, only carefully pulled himself back on to the shore, a sad smile on his face. The two sat in silence together, Peter’s tail occasionally nudging against Remus’. It was a small comfort, but one he accepted gladly. **  
**

“We should get back.” **  
**

Remus hummed, nodding slowly, but still didn’t move. His eyes were trained on the horizon, hoping to see a familiar figure breach the surface. Peter sighed quietly. **  
**

“He’s not coming back, Remus.” Peter’s hand was a steadying weight on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “And staying out here won’t change things.” **  
**

The idea of leaving wasn’t one that Remus wanted to consider; he knew Peter was right, that Sirius was gone, but leaving the small patch of sand felt like it would make everything permanent. It meant letting go of whatever he and Sirius had built over the past few weeks. He hadn’t thought there was much between them before last night, a tentative friendship at best. But if that was true -- Peter squeezed his shoulder again, face carefully set into a neutral mask, although he couldn’t help his eyes lingering over the waves every few minutes. **  
**

_Damn_. **  
**

Everything felt wrong, like time wasn’t following its usual pattern. Twice now, Remus had nearly looked over his shoulder to ask Sirius if he felt the same only to remember that the merman was gone. The knowledge of it twisted in his gut, pushing the guilt and anger deeper into him until he felt like nothing else remained. **  
**

It would have been easy to let himself stay there, if not for Peter. If his friend hadn’t left yet, there was little doubt he would. Remus reached up and gave the hand on his shoulder a squeeze, nodding toward the water once he’d gained his attention. The tension in Peter’s body noticeably  eased, and he shuffled his way down the coast, glancing behind every few moments to make sure Remus still followed.

It was no easy task. He had stayed out far too long, his tail nearly losing all its color from drying out under the sun, and his skin was an angry red. His tail throbbed in time with his heartbeat, sand raking across too dry scales and sticking to already cracked fins. He did his best to ignore the spots of light dancing across his vision. It would get better when he got in the water. It had to get better. **  
**

The edge of a large wave lapped against his arms, briny foam curling around his waist and tail. It was all he could do not to collapse into the sensation. He must have made a noise as one of his arms gave out, because suddenly Peter was there, doubling back to help him. His friend ignored the way Remus swore at him as he hooked strong hands under his arms, using the momentum from the receding waves to help drag Remus further into the water. It was easier once they were both fully submerged; Peter hauling him several more yards before carefully laying him on the sand. **  
**

The water was relief and agony all at once; soothing his too hot skin and making him painfully aware of the damage he had inflicted upon his body, his fins feebly swayed in the current. He could taste blood in his mouth from biting down on his cheek in an attempt to remain silent. His chest burned, lungs begging for his to breathe in even as his gills slowly began to pull water through, siphoning off the oxygen. **  
**

Remus didn’t know how long he laid pressed against the sand as the tide whispered above him. The throbbing in his tail had begun to creep up his spine, numbing out his thoughts. He was so tired. The few hours of sleep he had gotten earlier in the day weren’t nearly enough, causing his thoughts to turn sluggish and disjointed. **  
**

Peter was talking again, but the words blended together. Forcing his eyes open he saw him, lip caught between his teeth as he hovered a few feet away. **  
**

A lazy smile crossed Remus’ lips as he closed his eyes again, fingers digging into the cool sand. Peter wouldn’t leave. He’d wait. Peter always waited for him.

* * *

He ended up sleeping for nearly a day. **  
**

Remus’ tail was still tender, but thankfully some of its color had returned giving the illusion of health, although the same couldn’t be said for his sun scorched skin. If anything his arms and shoulders were an even darker shade of red, turning a strange yellowish white whenever he moved or applied pressure. No doubt the rest of him looked much better. He carefully swished his tail, watching his tail fins to see if the delicate membranes had been damaged. It hurt, but there was no bleeding or visible sign of injury. At least one thing was in his favor. **  
**

Taking in his surrounding he realized that Peter must have moved them further out to sea while he slept. He could not see the coastline, his surroundings wholly unfamiliar. There was a moment of fear when he realized that Peter wasn’t nearby, and he wondered briefly if his friend had finally abandoned him. **  
**

He had considered searching for him, but after one feeble attempt thought better of it. **  
**

Peter swam back into view sometime later, the thin line of his mouth relaxing slightly when he saw Remus was awake. He had shoved several small fish into his hands, telling him that if he didn’t eat something he would have no qualms sitting on his friend and force feeding the meal to him. He had tried to cover the harsh words with an awkward smile, his laugh sounding forced. They conversed around bites of food, and if Peter saw that Remus’ smile failed to reach his eyes he didn’t comment on it. **  
**

He knew Peter had questions; that he deserved at the very least some kind of explanation for his actions, but it was still too raw, too close to his heart for the words to come easily. Instead of offering up honesty he avoided Peter’s questions, ignoring the way it stung to keep secrets from his closest friend. **  
**

Worse, it hadn’t been that difficult to lie. Most of what he said was based at least somewhat in truth; he had no idea where Sirius had swum off to or if he was planning on returning, he didn’t know if Sirius was physically alright, although he could guess where the merman stood emotionally. When pressed for the reason why Sirius had left so abruptly Remus could only choke out ‘I told him the truth’. **  
**

This was the cost of it. Of hiding who he was, of pretending that Remus had ever been normal. It had been a sweet dream while it lasted, but he had been foolish to think it could ever be maintained. **  
**

Part of him wanted to tell Peter to leave, to follow the twins back to their territory. He didn’t deserve the comfort his friend offered. But he knew, before he even gave voice to his thoughts, that Peter would only give him that look again and swim a little bit closer. **  
**

Remus didn’t know where he would go now. He couldn’t return to the reef, it wasn’t like he had any possessions to claim; everything there had come from Sirius or had been collected during their scavenging. The prospect that he’d swim into the merman wasn’t something Remus was willing to face yet. The idea of returning home held even less promise. So he swam south, away from the reef and the hidden cave and home. **  
**

The sun was setting when Peter cleared his throat quietly. “We should find a place to sleep for the night.” **  
**

“I’m not tired.” **  
**

“Whaleshit. You can barely keep the same depth for more than five minutes. You need sleep.” **  
**

“Peter --” **  
**

“You aren’t going to win this, Remus. We are finding a place and you are sleeping. You can argue with me in the morning.” **  
**

Remus gave a small huff of laughter. Even with the world around him turned upside down Peter was blissfully the same. It was a greater comfort than he wanted to let on, allowing his friend lead him towards the ocean floor, brow furrowed as he searched for a place they could sleep. They were still in relatively shallow waters, although there was little in regards to cover. Eventually Peter settled on a small outcropping of rock. It wasn’t much, but they would offer them at least some protection. **  
**

There were only minimal supplies in Peter’s pack; a few warming stones, a hunting knife, and several fresh abalone he had collected during their swim. He deliberately set Remus against one of the larger rocks, eyeing him carefully before setting up camp. Remus couldn’t help smiling as he watched his friend putter about. It was comfortingly normal. **  
**

“Are you hungry?” **  
**

Remus shook his head slowly. His body felt heavy, limbs and tail weighed down. He was fairly certain that even if he was forced into action he would barely be able to move. Peter was still watching him, but his expression had softened as Remus yawned, his jaw nearly popping. **  
**

He swam over, sitting next to Remus, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. **  
**

“C’mon. It’s been a long day. Whatever you have planned for us can wait until morning.” **  
**

Remus was trying to think up a reply when sleep overtook him.

* * *

It hurt. Everything from the past few days hurt. **  
**

Why had he lied? **  
**

It shouldn’t hurt this much to know Remus wasn’t who he claimed to be. Sirius was guilty of much the same. But it was the way he had hidden himself; putting up a front of friendship and kindness, not bothering to protect --- **  
**

Sirius shook his head again and swam faster. It didn’t matter. **  
**

What did matter was deciding where to go. Home wasn’t an option. Neither was the reef. There were a few items of his left behind, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t scavenge within a day or two. Everything that held meaning to him was already with him; his hunting knife, the bracelet James had given him, and Regs’ necklace. **  
**

He curled his fingers through it again, thumb drawing lazy circles over one of the larger shells. Its presence offered him only a small comfort, memories still causing his throat to tighten and eyes to sting. It shouldn’t have turned out like this. None of it should have. But then, if he hadn’t overheard them that night, his parents hushed voices as they sent word to their Liege Lord, the choice wouldn’t have been entirely removed from his hands. Perhaps it would have been better if he had stayed and accepted his fate. He would have been forced into the war, forced to hurt and kill, but he would still have James, and Regs, and a home. **  
**

“Fuck.” **  
**

Sirius swam faster, pushing away the feelings that pressed into his chest. He had been stupid, so damn stupid, thinking that he would magically find a new home and start over. As though he could spend his life hiding in some grubby reef cave with a merman who -- **  
**

_Stop it, Sirius_. **  
**

He didn’t bother paying attention to where he was swimming; as long as he didn’t turn southeast Sirius didn’t see how it would matter. He was still too close to any human population to run into other merfolk. He might be lucky and find another cave system, something to buy him time so that he might figure out what the hell he was going to do. **  
**

Swimming over a small ridge his heart sank into his stomach. Not even a quarter of a league ahead were two mermen, their fiery hair and mottled tails in sharp contrast with the soft, murky colors that surrounded them. **  
**

Not lucky then. **  
**

They seemed to be in the midst of an argument and hadn’t spotted Sirius yet. If he was careful and looped back the way he came he would be able to avoid a confrontation. He was about to push off of the rock he had used for cover when the two mermen turned, eyes locking on him, their voices dying off. **  
**

Shit, shit, shit. **  
**

He didn’t know if he should try to escape or not. Sirius was no doubt faster than either of them, and there was enough open space for him to use that to his advantage. Or there would be, if he wasn’t in such a weakened state from whatever Remus had done. At present it would barely be a contest for them to catch him. It seemed that the twins were coming to the same conclusion, bodies moving in tandem as they swam closer. **  
**

The small hunting knife belted to Sirius’ waist wouldn’t be enough to defend himself should they attack, but the weight of it in his palm helped to steel his nerves. If they were planning on killing him, he wasn’t going to make it easy. **  
**

“Leaving are you?” One of the twins called out. What was his name? Gabe? No, the one with the long hair had the ‘G’ name. Sirius shook his head, it didn’t matter. **  
**

The merman took his silence as reply enough, leaning over to whisper something in his brother’s ear, causing them to both chuckle. Sirius carefully began to swim backwards, putting space between them. His fingers were starting to tingle from their white knuckled around the handle of his knife. He could still retreat and hope for the best, he just needed to get a little more space between himself and the twins. **  
**

“I told him he should have left you for dead.” It was the short haired twin again. The mirth had left his eyes as he watched Sirius. “Why he tried to save one of your kind is beyond me.” **  
**

“I never asked to be saved.” Sirius spat out. Just a little further… **  
**

“No.” Replied the long-haired merman. “You didn’t.” **  
**

Sirius didn’t have enough time to turn, let alone swim. There was a flash of orange and red and then too many hands were on him. Twisting roughly at his wrist until his fingers seized, causing him to drop the knife, watching it slowly plummet down into the sand. His body writhed, trying to create some space, enough room to get away. **  
**

It was no good. There were arms lacing tightly around his tail, wrenching it and causing Sirius to hiss out in pain. His fingers clawed at the arms trying to force himself free even as his head was yanked back by his hair, being tugged hard enough to be ripped from its roots. Sirius knew what they were looking for; most members of his family had one, or knew someone who did. **  
**

“I don’t have the mark, you worthless shits.” **  
**

He elbowed back, connecting against the merman who held him. The grip on his hair loosened and Sirius took the opportunity to yank his tail away. He needed to get space between them one way or another -- **  
**

There was a sharp sting at this throat and Sirius froze. **  
**

“You may not, but you seem to be well aware of it.” The knife pressed harder against Sirius’ neck. “You’re from Nurmengard, aren’t you?” **  
**

“What? No! I’m --” **  
**

“Grimmauld, then.” **  
**

Sirius grimaced. There was no denying it; his appearance gave as much away. **  
**

“We should take him to Lyall.” **  
**

The brothers stared at each other. Sirius had the unnerving sense that they were speaking telepathically. He shifted, leaning away from the knife. “I’m sure that Lyall is a wonderful host, but I’ll have to decline.” **  
**

The grip on his tail tightened again and Sirius sucked in a breath as a voice called from over his shoulder. **  
**

“You would be smart to take up the offer while he is still asking nicely.” **  
**

_That’s impossible_ , thought Sirius. He could feel the knife slacken, laying against his shoulder as the twin wielding it turned. **  
**

“And who the hell are you?” **  
**

“His brother.” **  
**

He could almost hear James grin, elation rippling up his spine. Sirius reached up, twisting the knife out of the merman’s hand and yanking him close, pressing it to just above his collar bone. There was still the issue of detangling his tail from a pair of strong arms, but at least now the odds were in his favor. **  
**

Sirius did not take his eyes off the merman in front of him. Fable? Faban? Whatever. Their expression was equal parts shock and rage, and it was all he could do not to smile smugly in response. He could just make out the wild tangle that was James’ hair out of his peripheral vision, how it managed to stick out in all directions while underwater still astounded him. The set of his shoulders straightened, the light seemed to absorb into his skin instead of reflect it; for all their similarities James couldn’t be more different from his friend. **  
**

There was a feeling of static moving through the water and Sirius kept himself focused. James only needed a few more moments. It was an attack they had mastered some years prior, using their own strengths to cover the other’s weaknesses. **  
**

Nails briefly dug into his tail as one merman was flung from Sirius’ body. He lay prone on the sand, eyes still wide with shock, although his fins and fingers still twitched. **  
**

“You son of a --” **  
**

“He isn’t dead. And nor will you be if you chose to take your brother and leave.” Sirius lightly pressed the blade into his shoulder, causing a wisp of red to float free. A shallow cut, but enough to convey his meaning. **  
**

The merman glared at him for several long moments before glancing back down at his brother. “And I am expected to believe that? From a shit like you?” **  
**

James swam forward, muscles tensed. Sirius maneuvered in front of him, pressing an arm into his chest. He hid a smile when his friend grumbled out a litany of swear words, Neptune he had missed him. “You are friends of Remus. I’ll spare you this once, for him. Don’t expect mercy in the future.” **  
**

A stiff nod was his only reply, not taking his eyes of the pair as he swam to the seafloor and collected his brother. Neither Sirius nor James moved until both merman had swum from sight. **  
**

“Where in the _fuck_ have you been?!” **  
**

Laughter bubbled up from his chest as familiar hands roughly pulled him forward into a fierce hug. If James noticed his shoulders trembling as he held back tears the merman did not mention it. They didn’t move for several moments, and Sirius took the time to scrub away any evidence of tears. **  
**

James held him out at arm's length, looking for any sign of injury, glaring at the bruise he felt forming near his neck. **  
**

“I’m fine, James.” **  
**

“Like hell you are. You’ve been gone for over a month, no one even knew where you had run off to. Do you have any idea --” **  
**

“James.” **  
**

“How much effort has gone into finding you? Amma has been worried sick and --” **  
**

“James.” **  
**

“I find you about to be hauled off to Amphitrite knows where --” **  
**

“ _James_. I’m fine.” **  
**

If the expression on his friend’s face meant anything he didn’t believe Sirius. He couldn’t blame him. Were the roles reversed Sirius doubted he would be nearly as calm. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment then let out a sigh. **  
**

“They tried to make me take the mark.” **  
**

The change in James’ demeanor was almost instant. His eyes flicked to Sirius’ neck and back to his face. There was a question there and he could only shake his head, his heart twisting at the obvious relief in his friends face. **  
**

“I fled before they could.” **  
**

James’ voice was barely a whisper. “Why didn’t you tell me?” **  
**

Why hadn’t he? It was a loaded question. His family knew how close he and James had become over the years, and knew that while Gryffind territory remain mostly neutral, that they would have no qualms taking up arms against any who sought to harm their own. Had Sirius fled to them it would have meant war at best, although genocide seemed more likely. **  
**

Given the option of dragging his only real friend into a war and removing himself from such a prospect, the choice had been an easy one. Looking at his friend however, he questioned for the first time if he had perhaps caused more trouble in leaving. **  
**

Sirius sighed, swimming down to the sand to retrieve his knife and forced a smile. “Let’s find some food, then I’ll tell you everything.” **  
**


	9. Chapter 9

Peter had taken him to Ottery St Catchpole. He didn’t know if it was something he and the twins planned before separating, although it wouldn’t surprise Remus if it were. They had wanted to get him home, had swum out to some distant reef in order to find him. They had probably imagined him swimming back with an open mind and exultant heart. So considering the current status of things staying within the boundaries of an allied territory was the next best option.

He hadn’t put up much of a fight, not really, too tired to do more than numbly follow Peter. He was vaguely aware that they were swimming north, duly scanning their surrounding to ensure the other merman wasn’t trying to secret him back, but the terrain had remain thankfully unfamiliar. It was nearly a week before they reached any place that Peter deemed safe enough to stop.

That was weeks ago.

Molly had spoken in hushed words with Peter, eyes full of a pity that Remus couldn’t stand. He didn’t want pity, he wanted to be left. Forgotten for once. Instead he was ushered into a spare room; more like a cave carved into the bedrock than anything else. It offered little in regards to amenities; a pallet on the floor, several warming stones that went unused, and a flimsy door made of reclaimed wood found amongst sunk ships.

But it was Remus’. His place, a sanctuary where his friends left him to rest and recover, whatever that had meant.

The tide was changing, pushing forward warmer waters, and with it a murky iridescent green that seemed to coat everything. Was it time for the plankton to come in already? That didn’t make sense. It should still be too cold for them; it was barely spring.

Remus curled further into himself, hugging his tail to his chest and willed his mind to sleep. The plankton were a nuisance, but not enough of one to merit rousing himself to do anything about. Instead he sighed and rolled over, burying his head under his arms, his cheek pressing into the rough material of his pallet.

The plankton continued pestering him, slipping under the door jam and making his gills itch. Remus swore under his breath. They shouldn’t even be here until summer.

He frowned. Was it still spring? A sick, disgusted feeling filled his chest as he tried to remember. The days were blurring together, separated only by occasional nights when Peter locked him away, his expression turning slowly from agitation to concern, and eventually indifference. He hated himself for being the cause of it. Hated the lethargy that filled his bones. Before, the self-loathing that churned inside him was enough to fuel Remus into activity, but now it only swallowed him whole, left him feeling empty and ragged.

"Dammit."

He should get out of bed.

He should eat something, scrub off the weeks of grime that clung to his skin and scales. He should find Peter, or Molly. Learn about what was happening back ho -- with his father. Talk and laugh and pretend that things like abandoning your family could be easily forgotten.

Remus burrowed his head further into his arms and pushed the feelings back down until they were a stone in his stomach, ignored as he slept another day away.

* * *

There were days when the restlessness couldn’t be helped, when he would be desperate to run, to lash out, to make someone, something, feel what he felt. Days when he could barely stand the thought of even leaving the small room that had somehow become his home, when the guilt and the rage burned too hot in his veins. And Remus wished he could do something to ease it; the need for an outlet was almost palpable, but never quite enough to push him into action.

Peter still came by every few days between the moons, checking up on him. He used to talk about going back to their territory and leaving him here, attempting to be nonchalant as he gauged his friend's reaction, hoping it would bring something out of Remus. But Remus knew he wouldn’t go. He knew Peter, if he hadn’t left already he wasn’t going to.

Some part of his mind wonders if Lyall knows where they were.

“I need some time to be alone, to think things through.” It was another lie, piled on after the countless others that he’ had said. Remus wondered whether the merfolk who still came around even believed it. Maybe. The tiny smile on Peter’s mouth looked hopeful the other day and Remus realized with a jolt that his friend thought he was coming back to himself. To the merman he had been when they first left with Doge all those weeks before.

He wanted too. Poseidon's arse, he wanted to be that person again. He could barely remember what it felt like before his father had sent them off on this stupid errand; before everything had gone to shit. It was so hard to imagine how he would live without this heavy weight that clung to his chest, dragging him down. He had killed someone. He nearly killed Sirius. He was putting Molly, and Arthur, and Peter in danger simply by being there. Merfolk like him shouldn’t get an opportunity to redeem themselves after fucking up that badly.

But he wanted to. He wanted to find some kind of redemption for all that he’d done. An atonement that could allow him to climb back into the life he had known before. He wanted it so badly that it felt like a tangible. A hurt that rested just below the skin.

And, at the same time, nothing scared him more.

He was shaking, Remus realized, staring down at trembling hands. His fingers looked too thin, like they belonged on a different body. A sound bubbled up from his chest; half sob, half laughter, and Remus couldn’t look away from the pieces of him that were no longer his. Even as the warm waters surrounding him felt like a suffocating blanket, there was still a cold that had sunk into his bones, intent on separating who he was piece by piece until only the monster was left. Until only Remus was left.

Time crept onward, but he was disconnected from it, suspended in his misery.

* * *

There was banging. Too loud, against the wall just outside of his room. Remus groaned and tried to ignore it, staring up at the uneven ceiling.

He knew he should get up, but knowing and doing, actually getting his body to obey him, were two very different things. His tail felt heavy, more like stone than flesh, and the idea of swimming even such a short distance seemed impossible.

The banging was getting louder. He wondered vaguely if whoever was on the other side of the wall was prepared to knock a hole in it to reach him. The thought caused his lips to twitch, not quite a smile but perhaps a parody of one, and he was rolling over, pushing his body forward. Remus nearly collided with the door, lightheaded and misjudging the distance. His palm scratched against the uneven surface and he could see his skin turning red there. Not quite bleeding. His mind felt clouded, too full of not-quite sleep, not-quite dreams, and he had to remind himself to open the door.

He did not expect to find Gideon there when he opened it, staring dumbly at his friend.

Were they still friends?

Gideon looked furious, mouth already opened slightly but the words didn’t come. Instead he was staring, taking in Remus’ current state. He knew he looked awful; there was sand and grit in his hair and his scales are flaky and cracked. There was a thick line of brown under each of his nails and Remus tried not to think about how it got there. He probably looked like he had crawled straight out of Charybdis, more dead than alive.

“Remus.” Gideon was frowning at him, but his voice sounded strangely soft. The concern in it not matching his expression. “When were the last time you ate?”

Remus opened his mouth to answer, only to close it again. He scratched awkwardly at his side and almost startled at how protruding his ribs felt beneath his fingers.

“I…” He started, trailing off. He really doesn’t know.

“Come on.” Gideon’s fingers nearly engulfed his wrist and Remus could only stare. They weren’t much different in size growing up, but looking at their hands, their arms, Remus seemed frail enough to break. He couldn’t remember when that happened, but he was aware enough to know it was wrong.

Gideon gave him a look and tugged, more dragging than guiding Remus until he could force his fins to cooperate. The merman lead him away, across the small village. Remus hadn’t bothered to explore it; he knew where Peter was, and where Molly lived, everything else was a blur of colors and faces that he didn’t have enough energy to remember.

He eventually sat Remus down on a stone bench, letting out a huff. Looking around he recognized the place; the communal baths. Peter had taken him there once before, but Remus had not bothered to return after. Gideon takes the time to wash Remus down; alternating between sponges, ointments, and combs. He remained silent as his friend worked; trying to ignore the way the dry and dead scales sloughed off him, clumping together in the sand, how there seemed to be a cloud of murky grey surrounding him the more Gideon scrubbed.

“I’m not going to apologize for what I did.” Remus said quietly. He didn’t know why he needed to say it, but he does, eyes focused on the sand below him.

Gideon gave Remus a look and scrubbed a bit harder on his shoulder. “I know.”

They fell into silence after that. It’s not comfortable, not like he and Sirius had --

_No, don't think about that._

“What are you doing here?”

“Fabian and I swam into your _friend_ after we left.”

Remus froze, eyes shifting out of focus. His friend. _Sirius_. They had seen Sirius.

He grabbed onto Gideon’s arms, forcing the other merman to still. His lips were pressed tightly together and Remus noticed the slight twitch just below his left cheek. It was his tell, and they both knew it. “What happened.”

“We were planning on taking him back to Lyall, but then his brother attacked us --”

“His _brother_??”

Gideon glared at him and continued. “He stunned Fabian with some kind of magic I hadn’t seen before. I thought he had --” He cleared his throat voice turning thick. “I thought that they were going to kill us, if the roles were reversed I would have.

“But he didn’t. Said that he wouldn’t, because we meant something to you. Although he made it perfectly clear that next time that wouldn't matter.”

Remus’ mind was slow to process all of it. What it meant that Sirius didn’t hurt either of his friends. Didn’t hurt them because they were important to him. To Remus. It didn’t match with the memory of the merman leaving, not looking back as he dove into the water. Something twisted deep in Remus’ gut and he had to ball his hands into fists to keep it from crawling up his throat.

“He’s from Grimmauld.” There’s no accusation in Gideon’s voice, but he’s watching Remus, waiting for some kind of reaction.

Remus could only nod. It’s something he had assumed from the beginning. Merfolk didn’t just look like that; it was a trademark of the territory, sharp fins and bodies built for hunting, for fighting. It hadn’t mattered back at the reef, they had both left their homes behind, both choosing to isolation for their own private reasons. The fact that he was from a territory known for dark magic and warfare didn’t matter as much then.

“We couldn’t find the mark. He said… He said he didn’t have it.”

That pulled a small smile across Remus’ face. “And do you believe him?”

Gideon said nothing for a long time, going back to his previous work of removing all the grit and dirt from Remus. Finally satisfied he tossed the remnants of a used up sponge away, clapping a hand against Remus' back.

“Let’s get you some food.”

* * *

 

Somehow it became some sort of expectation that one of his friends would knock at his door, usually a little after midday, and then proceed to drag him away to eat, bathe, and even on rare occasion hold conversation. Gideon had gone so far as to stop knocking altogether, sauntering in as though the place was his own. It was nice, in a way.

So when there was a heavy knock at the door Remus’ first thought was that one of his friends had decided to come early, likely Peter.

It wasn’t Peter on the other side of the door.

Remus didn’t know _who_ it was on the other side of the door. His first thought being to slam the flimsy wood in his face and perhaps hide, but if the merman’s body was any indicator he could easily break it down and more than likely wring his neck. Given his expression he might do that anyway.

“You whale shitting arsehole.” He said, swimming over the threshold, causing Remus hastily move backward lest they collide.

He practically filled the room with his presence, eyes focused solely on Remus. His skin was a warm reddish brown, and Remus had the odd thought that if he were to touch the other merman that he would feel the heat of it seep into his own skin. It was his eyes though, more than anything else, that gave Remus pause. They made him think of fire and magic and something else, something that made his fins stand on edge.

“Ah. Wh-Who are you?”

The merman hadn’t seemed to hear him. “You are an evil, heartless… evil bastard who doesn’t deserve to lick the fucking sand beneath my brother’s fins!” He had been advancing steadily with every word, backing Remus up against the wall.

“I know you have some awful _things_ happen, and I know you’re depressed and whatnot. But you aren’t the only one in that situation, for Amphitrite's sake!” He stared at Remus, dark eyes hard and unflinching. Remus was probably gaping, too shocked to quite grasp what was going on. “I don’t know or care what kind of problems you’ve got in that pretty head of yours, but you’re going to get over them and start realizing what you’re doing to him. He deserves someone good, not you leeching off him, you arse!”

Remus could feel his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find words. “A-Are you talking about Sirius?”

“Am I talking about --” The merman grabbed him by the shoulders, their faces inches apart. “Who the hell else would I be talking about? Do you know many shark mermen in your miserable part of the ocean?”

“No?” The response came out as more of a squeak than an actual word.

The merman took a deep breath and released his hold on Remus’ shoulders, swimming backwards slightly and raking a hand through his unkempt hair with a frustrated noise. “I find him, being mauled and attacked - _by your friends apparently_ \- and manage to get him somewhere safe only to hear about how the merman he’d been spending the past month with nearly killed him because he decided kissing you was a good idea.”

“It was two weeks.”

“What.”

“It was two weeks…. not a month.”

“Are you even listening to me, _Moony_?” The last word came out as a sneer. “For some reason he cares about you. I don’t understand why because to me you seem like the most self-centred, misleading arse he could have found on this side of the Pacific. So either you fucking fix this, or you let him go. Understood?”

“Yes.” Remus said, mostly as a reflex.

He glared at Remus for a few seconds longer. “Good.” Then, adding as an afterthought. “You don’t deserve him.”

Remus could feel anger welling up in his chest, but whether it was aimed at himself or the other merman he couldn’t tell. “I know that.”

“You treated him like whaleshit. You should let him go.”

“I’m not keeping him.” Remus ground out. He hadn’t seen Sirius in a month at least. Hadn’t looked for him, hadn’t done anything. What more did he need? An embossed letter?

“You’re not really that stupid, are you?” With that, and one final glower, the merman left. Remus could only stare, unsure if he was meant to follow.


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius had there for weeks, but the mornings still jarred him. During those first moments following sleep he could almost pretend he was back home, within his own room, waiting for one of the servants to announce that he was expected for breakfast. If he closed his eyes he could almost hear the sounds of the day beginning, fogged over with time. But gradually reality would trickle down, fill him up, and his heart ached with the knowledge that he would never get it back.

Even if he returned to Grimmauld Territory things couldn’t be the same. He would be a pariah, if they let him live. A chuckle died in his throat; knowing his mother it would more likely be a public execution, a way to show everyone the consequences of disobedience. Sirius dug his nails into his palms until the flesh stung, breathing in deeply and holding it for as long as he dared.

A burning ache in his chest steadily grew, gills twitching feebly as line of bubbles escaped his lips. Maybe if he just held his breath; kept it all in until the world turned dark at the edges, maybe then it would be easier to bear this weight that had seeped into his bones.

The pounding in his ears wasn’t enough to push away the coos and giggles filtering into his room, a babbling of consonants and elongated vowels until they were met with a low voice and soft laughter. Sirius’ breath came out in a harsh gasp and curled into himself, trying to push it away. It sounded like joy, like something just outside of his reach, causing his nose to prickle as he swallowed back the tears.

Part of him wanted to be angry; to resent his cousin for finding so much happiness, even as guilt curled in him. Andromeda had suffered just as much, long before Sirius had even considered running away. And she had survived it; losing her family and choosing Ted over the morals and obligations their house placed upon her shoulders.

Exiled just like he was because of it.

He didn’t know what prompted James to seek her out, where the thought had come from. Sirius hadn’t heard from Andromeda since she had been cast out. Part of him had known that she needed friendship, support, but he had been too afraid to take the risk. Choosing to protect himself instead, clinging to the knowledge that had he been found out it would have been even worse.

Laying in her spare room, however, and hearing the sounds of her family, Sirius wondered if it was only selfishness that stayed his hand. The desire to stay within the safe confines of his family, an invisible prison.

Acid churned in his stomach. _Coward_.

When James had brought forth the idea Sirius tried to act nonchalant, unconcerned and expressing his preference to staying where they were. The lie came easily; Sirius hadn’t seen Andromeda in over five years, and even before that they weren’t very close. There was no point in forcing some distant relative into the obligation of hospitality. The muscles in James’ jaw bunched, glowering at Sirius but saying nothing. He let the topic drop, following his friend to a small outcropping of rock and falling into a restless truce.

It was another week before James brought it up again late one night as they were trying to get comfortable enough to sleep, his voice carefully neutral. He remembered his father mentioning that Andromeda was somewhere near the Fawcett’s territory; and if that was true it would only be a three day swim. He could use Sirius’ necklace and scry for her. His voice sounded so hopeful it hurt, an ache that settled in his chest.

James had risked so much to find him, to try and save him, only to find that Sirius didn’t want to be saved. He wanted to be tugged away by the tide, twisted and pulled until the only thing left was memory. Going to Andromeda would be tantamount to going back to his old life, opening himself to the memories and pain.

 _Not yet_ , he’d thought. _I need time. Please, not yet_.

Another week passed before James swore loudly, grappling with Sirius and shoving him hard into the sand. His breath was heavy and too loud as he explained that he wouldn’t leave, that brothers don’t give up on each other. It caused Sirius to thrash violently, raging bubbling in him, and a small part of him wondered if that was James’ plan all along.

They are both bruised and battered when Sirius finally offered his necklace to James, chest painfully tight as it slipped from his fingers. James treated it as something precious, working quickly to channel the blood bonds between Sirius and Regulus, and then Regulus and Andromeda. Within minutes he was done and James said he knew  where to find her, gently laying the shells in his shaking palm, folding Sirius’ fingers over his most prized possession.

The next morning James was ready to travel, eyes on Sirius, expectant. It took all that he had not to flee, to swim away from James and the hopeful look in his eyes as he grabbed his hand to lead them north. Wishing he had the words to thank him, to tell James that he couldn’t do this alone.

Sirius turned silent as they traveled, pulling deeper into himself the closer they came. The view was pretty; meadows of seagrass and fish plentiful enough to maintain a well-sized population. The merfolk watched them curiously as they swam on but none questioned their presence. Sirius couldn’t help wondering if that was because of Andromeda.

James was the one to knock on her door, carefully placing his body in front of Sirius’, acting as a shield. He doesn’t know whether to be grateful; his mind spinning back to when he was the shield for Regulus. Who would place themselves between him and their parent’s wrath now?

If she was surprised to see them she didn’t show it, her face carefully neutral as she took in James’ concerned expression. It was not until he moved away, revealing Sirius, that her eyes widened. Whatever she saw in him was enough to open her home to without further question, making the spare room ready. He claimed fatigue, hiding away in the small room, body too tight to sleep.

He could hear her and James speaking in hushed tones, feeling shame burn within him. Pieces of the conversation filtered in, words like mark, and liege lord, and war. Guilt and anger vying for his attention as he tried to block out all the noise and pain that swarmed within and without him. Both James and Andromeda were thankfully silent when the meal was set out, he didn’t think to ask where Ted was, eating quickly and hiding away again.

The following days were filled with a routine was much the same; hide away, help with chores, share a meal, hide again. His mind turning grey, thoughts blissfully silent as he fell deeper into himself. James and Andromeda watched, waited, but didn’t push. Even so, their eyes felt like a tangible weight pressing down on him.

_Not yet. Please._

James had  noticed of course, James always noticed. After a decade as friends they could read each other like books. And he knew, even without telling, that so much had changed in Sirius.

He dragged him along for an errand, a trip to collect parcels from a shopmaster while Andromeda had her arms full of a rampageous toddler, his eyes resting on Sirius, waiting. How James knew that the words would come Sirius didn’t know, but come they did, spilling out before he could contemplate their meaning. Eyes trained on the sand as he spoke, the words twisting in his chest.

Something changed in his James' face when he explained what had happened between he and Remus, and the words died in his throat. There were very few times that he had seen James truly fall to anger, and fewer than that in which something dark lit behind his eyes, a purpose calling him to action. It made Sirius want to hide, to pull the words back; he tried to apologize, but James shrugged him off, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

He had locked himself away for several hours upon their return, leaving Sirius and Andromeda to share worried glances as the static feeling of his magic as it filled the cracks and spaces within the house. He’d expected James to be exhausted after, expending such magic what a feat even for the most practiced wizard, but instead he announced that there was something he needed to do and swam off without a further word.

And now with morning filtering into Andromeda’s home two days later he hadn’t returned.

A loud giggle pierced through Sirius’ thoughts. Stretching with a groan he rolled out of bed and swam out to meet Andromeda and her daughter. Ted had been away for several days on merchant business and the space felt smaller without him in it. With the two mermen gone the house felt too quiet, empty. Sirius wasn’t the only one to feel their absence if Andromeda’s closed off expression was anything to go by.

A plate slid across the table stopping just short of Sirius, thinly sliced scallops carefully wrapped in seagrass. “You need to eat.”

“Only if you do.”

Andromeda smiled, setting her daughter on her hip as she took a seat, more picking at her food than eating it.

“How long did it take?” The words came out before Sirius had time to contemplate them. It was a question he had wanted to ask for days, but could never find it in him to say the words, afraid of the answer.

Andromeda looked thoughtful. “Ted made it easier. When I left… I wasn’t aimless. I had a reason to go, something to focus on.”

“That’s not really an answer.”

“No, it isn’t.”

Sirius watched her, waiting for his cousin to find the words. They were so alike when it came to sharing pieces of themselves. Small talk was easy, they had been trained to banter with dignitaries and diplomats, always poised and polished, a shining example of their lineage. But digging deeper than that, giving voice to what they truly felt seemed almost like going against nature.

“When I realized I was having Dora, things changed. I stopped holding on to the idea that Bellatrix and Narcissa would come to accept my choice. I didn’t want my child growing up thinking that clinging to a memory was the best way to live.” She looked sad even as her fingers played with her daughters pink curls, lips quirked upward as Dora reached out, grabbing her hand with tiny plump fingers.

“So what you’re saying is that I need to have a child, and then things will be alright again?” He had tried to go for humorous, but his voice caught halfway through and he looked away.

“What I’m saying is that you need to find something that gives you a reason to move on, Sirius.”

After a long moment of silence Andromeda asked quietly. “Have you ever tried to… deal with it?”

 _Not yet_ , he thought, shoulders stiffening.

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Sirius said roughly, shoving his food away.

Andromeda sighed, hiking Dora higher up on her hip. “Don’t yell at me. I’m not trying to hurt you. Or Regulus.” She carefully pried tiny fingers away from her hair with a wince. “Just… Is this really the best way to miss him?”

He bit his tongue hard enough to taste blood, shoving off from the table and swimming over to the nearest window, trying to force some space between them. The view was beautiful; coral growing around the house, decorating it as much as camouflaging. It should have been peaceful to watch, but it only made him want to yell louder.

“Sirius…”

“Don’t.” He had heard his name said like that too many times – pleadingly, as if they could fix him.

“I just think…”

“No.” His nails were digging into the windowsill, heavy stone a counterpoint to Andromeda’s soft words. Sirius willed himself to stay, fighting against the urge to swim away. Out of the house, out of the idyllic town that curled under his skin. It was unfair that there was so much peace and calm when all Sirius felt was a hurricane.

“It’s not your fault.” She said, her voice drawing closer.

Sirius felt his body tense, not daring to turn around. “You don’t know what happened. You don’t know...”

“James told me.” Andromeda replied, sounding a little guilty as if the events that led him to her door were a secret not hers to share. “He told me what happened.”

“Did he?” His voice had a tremble to it, and Sirius grit his teeth, trying to push it back. “Did he really? Tell you how I left him to suffer?”

“Sirius...”

“ _Did he_?”

“No.” He could practically hear Andromeda swallow, feel the tension as it ran up her spine, and he wondered if she was afraid for him. The thought made his stomach heave. There was so much inside that he wanted to rip away, until he was only bone, and maybe then he could rebuild again.

“Did he tell you why I ran? Why I left Regs alone with them? I left him there, Andy. I left him because I was too fucking scared to fight back and who knows what they are going to do to him now.”

“He’s strong, he can survive it, Sirius.” Andromeda laid a hand on his shoulder. It was meant to be comforting, but Sirius jerked away before the feeling could take hold.

Sirius heard himself laughing, only it didn’t sound like laughter, but like something else, something ugly. “I’ve all but killed my brother, Andromeda. I left him because I was too afraid to fight back.” It was a chant, an oath, something he could hold onto in a world that he didn’t know how to live or function in.

A sob was bubbling up his throat, squeezing his chest and numbing his fingers.  

His chest heaved as he pressed his forehead against the rough stone. Sirius could feel himself falling apart, breaking down as Andromeda could only watch. His fist slammed into the stone, again and again, leaving bloody smudges in its wake, as though he could fight his way through this.

It hurt. It hurt and there was no escaping what he had done. Sirius felt his body slide down the wall, tail digging into the packed sand. There wasn’t enough air, everything felt too big and too small and too much.

And then Andromeda was there, lifting his face between gentle fingers.

“This will kill you.” Andromeda said, and there were tears in her voice, her eyes turning red. “It will consume you. You can’t change what happened Sirius, but you can let it go. You need to let it go.”

“It feels like he’s already dead.” Sirius hiccuped, curling into his cousin.

“But he isn’t.” Andromeda’s voice was soft as she tugged Sirius into her arms, holding him like a small child. It would have been funny if he weren’t sobbing into her shoulder. “He is strong. A merman grown and able to fight for himself and choose where his life will lead. I know how much you love him, Sirius, and that you will always fight for him. But this is not the right way to do it.”

He didn’t know how long they sat like that, Sirius’ face pressed into her shoulder, Andromeda rubbing slow circles over his back. He could feel his eyes drooping, lulled into a place between sleep and comfort when a tiny hand gripped his fin. Dora’s eyes were wide, her hair shifting from pink to blue as she climbed up his tail. Andromeda picked her up, holding the small mermaid close.

“He has to make that choice for himself, Sirius, just as you did.” She kissed the top of his head, sighing. “But if he chooses to leave he will have a place with me and Ted. I promise.”

* * *

Evening had fallen when James returned. There were dark smudges under his eyes, his shoulders tensed. Sirius knew before he spoke, whatever James had done he was not going to enjoy.

“Come outside with me.”

When Sirius didn’t move Andromeda gave him a little shove. He glared at her as he swam outside. “James, what the hell is going on?”

James sighed, scrubbing the back of his head. “I found him.”

Sirius felt his stomach drop. “Found who?”

“Me.”

 _No_. Sirius felt his heart freeze. _No, not yet. Not yet_.

Remus swam forward from behind an outcropping, shoulders hunched inward. He looked thinner, more haggard and Sirius briefly wondered is he was eating. He shook the thought roughly from his head. Sirius had sympathized with him once before and knew where that path led. He let the anger in his chest fill him up, fingers curling into fists.

“What in Triton’s name is he doing here, James?”

The merman opened his mouth to reply but thought better of it, looking to James. His friend scoffed, folding his arms. “What are you looking at me for? I’m not your echo.”

“I don’t have to listen to this.” Sirius turned, about to swim back inside.

“Sirius --”

“ _No_. You don’t get to speak. You lied. About everything. Nearly fucking killed me.”

“I never meant to hurt you.” Remus sounded broken, words catching in his throat. “I never meant…”

“To what? To _what_ , Remus?” Sirius couldn’t look at him. “Did you think that if you ran who you are wouldn’t follow?”

He could see James just within his periphery vision, slowly swimming toward the house. Sirius grit his teeth, turning to follow.

“We were both running, Sirius.”

"We were."

Sirius didn't look back as he swam inside.

* * *

The next day James sent him out into the garden claiming they needed more sea grass for their midday meal. He and Andromeda had shared an awkward glance and Sirius’ stomach lurched as he swam outside. Remus was still there, from the look of things he had slept against the house, one of Andromeda's blankets wrapped around his shoulders. Sirius swore under his breath, nudging the merman until his eyes opened.   
  
"Morning." Remus mumbled and then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, sat up and neatly folded the blanket and handing it back to Sirius. Sirius stared dumbly at it, unsure what Remus was expecting him to do.   
  
"Um, Andromeda said I could stay if I wanted, but she figured  it would be best if we weren't in the same room."

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek, swimming out into the garden and hacking off handfuls of sea grass. “And how long are you going to be camping outside of my cousin’s house?”

“Until you’ll talk to me.”

“We are talking, Remus.”

He could hear Remus sigh behind him but thankfully the merman didn’t say anything else on the subject. Sirius didn’t know what James was hoping to accomplish bringing Remus here; there was nothing to talk about, they had shared a rocky friendship for a few weeks and then it all fell to shit. Did he and Andromeda think if they shoved the two of them together for long enough that things would resolve themselves?

“Shit!” Sirius glared down at his thumb, a wide gash covered the pad of it, already beginning to bleed freely.

“Sirius --”

“I’m fine. I’ll have Andy or James tell you when the meal is ready.” He pressed his thumb against his mouth and swam inside, tossing the sea grass at James, who at least had the good conscience not to look shocked.

“Arsehole.”

Sirius swam back into his bedroom and tried to slam the door, but James caught it before the latch was in place. He looked calm, other than the way that his eyebrows furrowed together and he swam carefully into the room, shutting the door behind him. Neither said anything for several long minutes until James sighed, ruffling the back of his hair.

“Sirius, you need to talk with him.”

“Like hell I do.”

“Sirius.”

“He nearly killed me, James. Don’t you fucking get that? He lied and then pretended that, that --”

“That he was normal?”

Sirius glared at him, exhaling hard. “Yes.”

“And if you were in his position, wouldn’t you do the same?”

“About having the ability to kill someone? No.” He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No? So you didn’t hide the fact that you came from a dark family, one that would happily have Remus and his entire family executed?”

“James --”

“His mother was Hope Lupin.” He said evenly, eyes focused on Sirius. “He told me what happened to her. How she was cursed.”

“So?”

“It was Fenrir.”

Sirius froze.

“That’s not possible.”

“It is and you know it. Your father had him and his mermen attack the Lupin territory; they were supposed to sack the city and bring Hope back for a ransom, and they ended up taking Remus as well. Fenrir cursed them, Sirius. He made Remus what he is.”

His gills wouldn’t work. He remembered Orion convening with Greyback and his soldiers. He had been just a boy then, impressed by how all his father’s generals spoke, hiding just out of sight, too curious to follow Regulus too their rooms. Hope had been a valuable asset to the Lupins; and would have been even more valuable to Grimmauld.

Sirius had never bothered to ask what happened when the dark mage had returned empty handed.

“How can you know for sure?” Sirius’ voice was barely above a whisper.

“It took nearly a day and a half to swim back, after a while he started talking.”

“Neptune’s arse.”

James sighed, then reached out to pat his shoulder. “Talk with him, Sirius. It might just be that he is as broken as you are.”


	11. Chapter 11

They had come to a sort of truce after the first day.

Ted had come returned home from his merchant business, arms laden with gifts and much needed items as he grinned at Sirius and James before his eyes fell on Remus. There had been recognition there and the timid smile that had been forming on the Remus’ face dropped instantly. Ted had ushered him into his and Andromeda’s rooms, hushed voices leaking out from under the door until Remus had come out, face set carefully neutral and a slight tremble in his gills. It made shame creep up Sirius’ chest, he had helped to cause that, made him feel that anyone who knew where he came from was a threat.

In all honesty, it wasn’t too far from the truth. Remus was important; Lyall needed Remus, needed every opportunity he had to maintain control. He had learned during his time with Andromeda who Remus was, what power the merman represented for his territory. He was the only legitimate heir that Lyall had, and if he were forced to choose a different successor it would only further divide the already factioned families vying for position. Being here was more dangerous for Remus than it was for Sirius or James. Should the wrong people find him, the ransom on his head would be enough to destroy Lyall, his territory, and all the people within it.

Sirius had grown up knowing he was replaceable. His family had Regulus and a plethora of cousins and other family members to take up the mantle should the need ever arise. He was a bargaining chip, but he wasn’t the only one. If Sirius disappeared, chaos wouldn’t follow him. Or at least not much of it.

He doubted Remus could say the same.

It made him ache watching Remus as he carefully sat down, eyes focused on his hands as they rested in his lap, trying to become invisible. Remus had startled a little when Sirius nudged a bowl of scallops and chopped red algae toward him, confusion written on his features when Sirius mumbled that he should eat something before swimming off.  

It had taken Sirius nearly the entire day to muster up enough courage to come back inside. While he wouldn’t admit it, not even to James, he was afraid. He had been such an arse the day before, and there was no reason for Remus to forgive that or to even talk with him. But if the merman was staying with them indefinitely, which both Andromeda and James were adamant he was, Sirius needed to fix things. Somehow.

Andromeda had been the one to push them together, telling both mermen that Dora needed to play outside while she made dinner and would they please watch her? It was phrased as a request, but her eyes said otherwise.

Ever since Remus’ arrival, Dora’s hair had been changing from a bright pink to a sandy brown, turning the wavy lengths into the color of sunrise. Sirius wondered if Remus had ever seen it; the way the ocean absorbed and reflected the colors, spreading them miles and miles. Wondered if he had ever seen anything but water before the night that he and his friends had dragged Sirius onto the shore.

Dora’s tiny fist was wrapping around his necklace when Sirius finally spoke.

“I’m sorry I --”

“Sirius, I --”

“No, it was my --”

“I shouldn’t have --”

Dora yanked hard and he winced as the necklace tugged against his gills, carefully pulling her fingers free and setting her down to play near a table coral.

“Remus, you lied. You lied about something really big and it nearly killed me.” There was no anger in his voice but even so, Remus looked away. “But I understand why you did it. I would have too.”

That got his attention. Remus stared at him as though he were trying to find the lie. “It should have killed you.”

“It didn’t.”

“But --”

“I forgive you. For whatever wrong you think you caused.” Sirius swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Because, because whatever you did, I was just as bad. I left you there. I left and I didn’t look back.”

They fell into an awkward silence after that, Dora looking between them curiously. His stomach still churned, acid threatening to creep up his throat, but tension in his chest had finally eased somewhat. Glancing at Remus, he looked as though he had the same realization; shoulders no longer curled so deeply into themselves, a tiny smile hidden in the corner of his lips.

They were both lost boys. And while they were hidden away in this tiny village, both of them were safe to stay that way.

By the second day, it had been agreed upon that Remus would share the spare room with James and Sirius, and was tasked with helping around the house. Dora was still utterly enamored with him, tugging at his fins whenever he swam by, giggling loudly whenever he would lift her up in his arms. Judging by the way Andromeda smiled at him, it was obvious that he was rapidly becoming her favorite as well.

Sirius had to remind himself it wasn’t a competition.

It was gradual, how they learned to be around each other again. At the coral reef, secrecy had been an accepted facet of life, and neither had made demands or asked questions that delved beyond their current situations.

Now, that had all been stripped away. They were learning each other again, this time without the pretense of hiding, there weren’t any secrets left to keep. It felt strange.

* * *

 

Remus liked spending time with Dora. She was still young enough to see him as simply another friend, someone to play with. And the closer the moon came, the more he clung to that. Some kind of farce resembling normalcy.

He hadn’t missed the nervous glances between Ted and Andromeda, or how they were eyeing him with what was painfully close to fear. They hadn’t taken Dora away, hadn’t forced him to leave, but the fear was still there. Sirius glared at them whenever it became too obvious, shoving at James’ shoulder whenever his friend tried to watch him too closely.

It should have felt nice, having someone care enough to defend him, but instead it only made Remus feel worse.

A week before the next moon, Ted found a place for him to hide -- an old silo about a league away from the village. The place had been abandoned years before following the Fawcett militia’s departure from their outpost. It wasn’t the most secure place, but there were few options to be had. Andromeda said they would make do. It felt like a rock in Remus’ stomach.

Ted had enlisted the help of the three boys to help reinforce any potential weak points, hauling large stones from nearby and planning out how they would keep the rest of the village from the area during the night. Remus watched as they prepared, quietly explaining that if he were chained to the wall they would have a better chance of keeping him inside. Andromeda had stared at him, eyes wide.

They all agreed that it could work; James and Andromeda were both gifted in magic, if they suffused the stones with binding magic maybe it would be enough. Either way Remus and Sirius wouldn’t be of much help loitering around the outpost. Instead they were tasked with watching Dora again so that Andromeda could work unhindered.

Small fingers tugged on his dorsal fin, trying to get his attention again, eyeing him with a confused expression. “What wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking. Do you want to play hide and seek again?” Remus forced a smile and when she nodded he closed his eyes and began to loudly count, almost laughing when he heard her knock something over in her haste to hide.

Someone was chuckling behind him and Remus cracked an eye open, words stuttering as Sirius snuck around him, raising a finger to his lips and mouthing “shhh”. He swam into the pantry following the muffled giggles coming from within.

“Twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty! Ready or not, here I c --”

“Gotcha!” Sirius growled, followed by a loud shriek and more giggling.

“That cheating! You cheating, Sir’us!”

As Remus swam to the pantry he couldn’t hold back a grin. Sirius had his arms wrapped around his cousin, fingers tickling everything he could reach as he blew raspberries into her stomach. He looked so at ease, the tension that Remus was so used to seeing in his shoulders all but gone and he wondered if this was how Sirius was when he felt safe.

Dora squirmed until she had wiggled free, swimming behind Remus’ tail, clinging to his fins. “Remus, tell him that cheating!”

Sirius pulled himself upright, grinning. “That’s what makes it fun!”

“He has a point.”

Dora stuck her tongue out, turning to swim outside. “Catch me if you can!”

Sirius laughed, moving to swim after her, barely pausing at the door. “You coming, Moony?

 

* * *

 

It took three days for James and Andromeda to come back, both looking haggard and exhausted but triumphant. They had spent the majority of the final day trying to break through the sealing charms and enchantments, reinforcing anything that dared to budge.

“What about noise?” Remus couldn’t quite look at them as he asked, fingers twitching.

“The sound… it’ll be muffled, but…” Andromeda trailed off, a small, sad smile spreading across her face.

“None of you can get close. If you hear me, if you get close enough, there’s no stopping you.”

“Then we will have to make sure no one can.” James sounded so certain, so sure of himself that it makes Remus want to scream. Why couldn’t they see how dangerous this was? How dangerous he was?

“And how will you do that?” Sirius was beside him, close enough that Remus could feel the heat radiating off his body. “Remus is right. If you get too close, you won’t be able to think of anything other than getting inside that silo.”

Remus winced, shoulders tightening.

“Then we make it so we can’t hear him.” Ted’s voice was soft, an arm wrapping around Andromeda. “Either use magic of some kind or we use the soft corals in the front yard to block out the noise.”

“What, like an earplug? Will that even work?” James’ brows were furrowing together, mouth set in a thin line. He looked ready to collapse and Remus could only wonder how much energy he had expended trying to prepare for when he turned.

“We can test it tonight. Or tomorrow.” Ted amended when he took in his wife's exhausted expression. “One of us can stuff some coral in our ears while the others try to yell loud enough to be heard through it.” He nodded to himself as he spoke, looking at James and Sirius hopefully. The mermen could only shrug; it was their only viable option.

It had taken the majority of the next day to test several types of coral, eventually settling on a mix of colt and mushroom corals. Each of them had taken a turn hiding in the silo and yelling as loud as they could while the other four swam out to a nearby rock shelter, trying to see if they could hear anything. Dora had thought it was just another game that Remus and Sirius had thought up, swimming back and forth as she took turns shouting and listening and saying loudly that they had reefs growing out of their heads.

Each time she giggled or smiled at Remus, he felt like crying. If this failed -- he shook his head violently, accidentally dislodging a piece of coral in the process.

“Hey, careful with that.” Sirius was pulling the coral from his own ears, smiling. Remus tried to smile back, but he could feel it shattering across his face. He had the presence of mind to swim away from the other merfolk and out toward the silo, before the tears came, offering up silent thanks when no one followed.

When Andromeda had called sometime later that dinner would be ready soon, he lied, saying he wanted to check the reinforcements again and he would be swimming home after. James had given him a look but said nothing when Sirius had followed him to the small stone building.

“What if this doesn’t work?” The words came out as a whisper, and Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his voice from shaking.

“It will, Moony.”

“And if it doesn’t? If I manage to break through whatever enchantments they place on those stones, or if the coral doesn’t work --”

“It will work, Remus.”

“You don’t know that!” He slammed his fist against the rock, feeling his knuckles split from the force of it, breath trapping itself between his gills. “I don’t know how you survived it, Sirius. Maybe because I was already turning back, I don’t know. I don't know, and that terrifies me.”

“This will work. James and Andromeda --”

“James and Andromeda have never seen me change. They’ve never seen the monster I turn into. They don’t know what I can do to them.”

“But I do.” Sirius’ voice was soft, quiet. He swam closer, taking Remus’ injured hand. “I do. And I know this will work.”

Remus shook his head, trying to push back the emotions creeping up his chest. “What if I hurt you again?”

“You have to trust us, trust me, that we will protect you.”

“I’m not the one that needs protecting, Sirius.”

“Yes you are.” He smiled, patting Remus’ shoulder. “Let’s get dinner before Andy starts to worry that we’ve run away together.”

“Wait.” Remus took his hand, trying his best to ignore the tremble in his fingers. “I need you to promise me something.”

Sirius nodded slowly, eyes expectant.

"If, if I somehow get out of there, I need you to stop me. Ted has some harpoons in the back shed, you’re a good shot, you could do it. Can you promise me that?" He clung tighter to Sirius’ hand when the other merman tried to yank it away, fingernails digging into the soft flesh of his palm.

“What the fuck --”

“I need you to promise me.”

“No!”

“Sirius, if I get out, I will _kill_ everyone. I won’t stop, I won’t think about who I’m hurting. I don’t want to wake up come sunrise and see a village of dead and dying merfolk because of me.”

There were tears in Sirius’ eyes as he shook his head. “Please don’t ask me to do this.”

“You’re the only one I trust enough to ask, Sirius.” He could feel his eyes stinging as he tugged him closer. “You’re the only one who really knows. Neptune, I nearly killed you and I was already half turned back. What if it’s even worse this time?”

Sirius was shaking his head again, lip caught between his teeth. Remus wished he could ask anyone else, James or Ted, but they didn’t know. They might hesitate and that one second was all he needed to hurt them all.

“Please.” Remus whispered, wrapping an arm around Sirius’ shoulders, needing him closer. “Please. I need to know you will stop me if I get free. One good shot through the heart and no one else will get hurt because of me.”

Sirius was trembling, soft hiccuping noises escaping as he tried to breathe. His fingers digging into Remus’ ribs. “Alright.”

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, pressing his forehead against Sirius’, not wanting to let go yet. Sirius was the reason he hadn’t died of fever all those months before. The reason he had tried to make anything out of the remnants of his life. It was all because of Sirius.

The other merman had relaxed his hold around Remus, a tremulous smile on his lips. Remus smiled back, hesitantly kissing his cheek. He could feel a flush creeping up his neck as Sirius stared at him, eyes questioning. Remus cleared his throat, letting go of him.

“Let’s get home.”

Dinner was a quiet affair, Sirius uncharacteristically silent, and Remus had little doubt that the words they had spoken were still swirling in his head. Guilt twisted whenever they made eye contact, even so he couldn’t take his request back, if things went wrong he needed to be stopped, regardless of personal consequences.

As they cleaned up following the meal, James nudged his shoulder and swam outside. Sighing, Remus followed, he already had a feeling he knew what the conversation was about.

“Sirius told me.”

Remus scrubbed his face, voice muffled against his palm. “I had to ask him, James. You know that.”

“Really?” James crossed his arms over his chest. “You had to ask Sirius, who is just now healing from the shit you put him through, _to kill you_?”

“What? No -- I mean -- I asked him, if things went wrong, that he’d stop me from hurting anyone.”

“Exactly. You asked him to kill you.” James sighed, scrubbing the back of his neck. “Poseidon's fucking arse, Remus.”

“It’s not like I have any other options, James. If this fails I will hurt people. Sirius knows that better than anybody.”

James said nothing for a long time, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He can’t do it. Even if you were about to kill him, I don’t think he would. He cares too much about you to consider it.”

Remus opened his mouth to counter James when the merman spoke again. “But I could.”

Remus swallowed back the lump in his throat, voice tight. “Thank you.”

James only nodded in reply. His eyes looked distant, calculating, as though he were already trying to plan out how to follow through on his promise. Remus had no doubt that he would, if it were necessary. He would keep Sirius safe.

“He’s lucky to have you.”

“We’re both lucky. I couldn’t ask for a better friend than him.”

“He said once that you two were brothers.”

James smiled then. “Yeah, we are. Lily adores Sirius.”

“Lily?”

“My betrothed.”

“ _Betrothed_?” Remus chuckled. “Does she know that you are halfway across the ocean?”

"Sirius is for all points and purposes her brother too. She'd skin me and feed me to the humans if I wasn't here for him. We’ve all known each other since we were pups, went to the same school together.” James fiddled with the ring on his left hand, smiling softly. “Our families had arranged the marriage when we were children, a way to strengthen our territory. She hated me at first, wouldn’t give me a second glance.”

“So what changed?”

“I grew up.” James shrugged. “I stopped trying to impress the other boys at school and focused on my obligations as heir to Gryffind, spent more time helping Sirius and trying to pull him away from the cesspool his family was known for. She said she saw something in me then that was worth marrying. I’ve tried to give her more reasons to find me worthy of her affections ever since.”

“You love her.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. Yeah I do. I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else.”

Remus couldn’t help thinking of his mother, of the way Lyall had adored her when she was still alive, his smile turning tight. “She sounds wonderful.”

“Maybe you’ll meet her one day, I’m sure she would love you.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

* * *

 

Sirius’ eyes were focused on the ocean’s surface. It was slowly fading from inky starlight to the soft hues of morning. They had another ten minutes at most before Remus turned back, but it felt like an eternity. The silo had held so far, although it had taken both James and Andromeda reinforcing it halfway through the night when several of the stones has shifted.

His friend’s hand had been a vice grip on his arm during most of the night, hard enough that Sirius was sure he would see bruises by midday. It was oddly comforting to know that the tension thrumming through him was in James as well. He had tried his best to ignore how tightly he had held onto his spear in his other hand, shoulders tensed and waiting.

And waiting. And waiting.

More light was filtering its way down staining everything in soft pink. Andromeda had swum to the surface when the first hints of dawn had creeped forward, having planned for one of them to act as a lookout in order to signal the others when the moon finally set. It had to be soon, the corals nearby were already reacting to the light.

_Come on, Andy_. Sirius shifted, eyes flitting from the surface to the stone structure again.

James shook his shoulder until he had Sirius’ attention then nodded his head upward. Andromeda was swimming back down, waving her arms wide. That was the signal, the moon had set. Before James could stop him he was yanking the bits of coral from his ears and swimming forward.

He nearly collided with the silo in his haste, tugging away stones, ignoring how the magic stung his fingers. Sirius only needed to create a hole large enough to squeeze inside, trying to shift some of the larger rocks away. There wasn’t any sound coming from within and it made Sirius’ stomach clench.

“Remus? Remus, can’t you hear me? _Shit_!” He yanked his arm back as one of the larger stones fell away. The space was still small, but it would be enough. He could feel the magic raking across his skin, trying to push him away. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t hear him, couldn’t hear anything from within the building. He needed to know that Remus was safe, that this plan hadn’t somehow hurt him. The was a rumbling sound from behind as more stones were being moved away.

Inside, the water was still and Sirius closed his eyes trying to hear anything. His heartbeat felt too loud in his ears, filling his head. It was too dark to see anything more than fuzzy shapes. Remus had been chained to the back wall when they left him early in the night, but there was no telling if he had remained there.

“Remus…?”

Something brushed against Sirius’ fin and he nearly jumped out of his skin. Twisting he reached out blindly until his fingers felt slick scales and warm skin, letting out a sigh of relief as he felt upward. Nothing felt broken, although it would be easier to tell in the light.

“I found him!”

“How is he?” James’ voice sounded muffled as he pulled more rocks away.

“He’s breathing, so that much is in our favor.” He could hear James’ laughter as he continued working and couldn’t help joining in. It had worked. “How’re you feeling, Moony?”

Remus swatted away Sirius’ hands, groaning. “Spectacular.”

Smiling, Sirius kissed the top of his head, scooting down to lay beside the other merman, arms wrapped loosely around him. Remus hummed, tilting his head up, kissing him awkwardly on the jaw before settling back down. Sirius was thankful for the darkness and how it helped to hide the dopey grin forming across his face.  

It took some time to talk Remu sinto moving again, hefting him up on a shoulder as Sirius led them towards the exit. “Let’s get you back to Andy and Ted, they should have breakfast waiting and then you can get some sleep.”


	12. Chapter 12

The moon’s turn had taken its toll on Remus, leaving him feeling bone weary and disconcerted. This wasn’t a new revelation for him; shifting from merman to monster and back left him feeling drained no matter how well prepared he assumed himself to be. However, this time, instead of waking to fever dreams and cold racing down his spine he awoke to Sirius’ arms wrapped tightly around his, murmuring nonsensical words into his hair. **  
**

At first he had thought that he was hallucinating, the input his body gave him not matching with the expectations his mind already had in place. There had never been someone there  afterwards to help carry him through the fog and confusion. It had been… nice wasn’t the word, but it was close. **  
**

Sirius hadn’t left his side during the slow journey back to Ted and Andromeda’s home, keeping a steady stream of conversation the entire way in an attempt to keep Remus awake. And when that hadn’t been enough he had laced Remus’ fingers tightly between his own, squeezing their hands together hard enough to bruise whenever he felt himself drifting off. Remus hadn’t thought much of it at the time, couldn’t think of much beyond slowly swimming forward, keeping his mind from drifting off again. **  
**

But sometime during the following days there had been a tangible shift between them. Sirius always found ways to be close to Remus, not quite touching but never out of sight either. At first Remus had thought it was fear, but fear doesn’t carry the expression that flittered across Sirius’ face. **  
**

It looked more like hope. **  
**

By the end of the week Sirius had shoved his pallet of blankets next to Remus’, creating a nest of sorts for them to both sleep on. Remus had laughed at the idea, telling Sirius that he would more than likely shove the other merman out of bed halfway through the night; but Sirius had only smiled, rearranging blankets and pillows before swimming off again. The first night Remus had barely dared to move or breathe, keenly aware of the merman beside him, unsure of what he should do or if he should be doing anything at all. **  
**

Then Sirius had mumbled something in his sleep and turned on his side, hand brushing against Remus’ and then curling around his palm. It was such a small thing, but Remus had not felt safer in weeks, maybe years. His nightmares slowly seeped away, held at bay by the steady sound of breathing and the light tickling of hair across his face. By the fourth day Remus couldn’t fall asleep without Sirius’ weight next to his. **  
**

So it was unsurprising when Remus awoke that there was a heavy weight of Sirius’  body pressing down on his chest, grumbling sleepily as morning creeped into the house. His tail was trapped under the other merman’s, the sharp pressing of a dorsal fin into still healing scar tissue making him wince, and even though he could feel the cricks in his neck and back Remus had absolutely no desire to move. **  
**

“Morning.” Sirius mumbled and then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, leaned up, pressing his lips against Remus' cheek. **  
**

It was a slow pressure with no demands behind it, but even so Remus felt like all the air had been pulled from his gills, lungs made useless. He couldn’t remember a time when another person wanted to touch him with anything more than a platonic kindness, and it both excited and terrified him. He didn’t know what this was, what it was supposed to turn into between them. He was never entirely sure where his hands were meant to be or whether Sirius expected more. **  
**

“We should eat.” The words  came out as more of a croak than anything else, and Remus cleared his throat ignoring the little huff of laughter coming from Sirius as he rolled off of Remus’ tail, stretching his arms above his head. **  
**

“Yes, food is generally a good idea. You’re far too skinny as it is.” **  
**

“Something your cousin is adamant to fix.” **  
**

“And you should let her, unless you want Andy to try her hand at force feeding.” **  
**

“You’re _funny_.”

“It’s not entirely a joke, I wouldn't put it past her.” **  
**

Remus glared at him, giving Sirius a shove as he pulled himself up from the bed. He didn’t doubt Sirius, Andromeda had a fierce maternal instinct that transcended past the health and well-being of her own child. In some ways it was a comfort, having someone that cared for him so completely. It had been years since Remus felt anything close to maternal love from his governess, most of the territory giving him a wide berth as though he was something contagious. But with Andromeda he was simply one of the mermen who she’d welcomed into her home, given chores and takes and treated… normal. **  
**

Swimming out into the kitchen Dora greeted them with a wide smile, hopping off her chair to give each merman a quick hug. He could hear Ted puttering around outside in their garden, humming a song to himself. Breakfast had already been laid out for them. **  
**

“Where’s Andy and James?” Sirius asked, reaching for several clams and quickly shucking them. **  
**

“Someone needed to talk with her and James offered to come along.” Dora replied, tugging at Remus’ arm until he sat down beside her. “She told Dad that she would only be gone for a little while.” **  
**

Sirius and Remus shared a look, it wasn’t like Andromeda to be randomly called off somewhere, especially so early in the day. And it was certainly not like James to leave without giving at least one of them notice. Sirius watched his friend almost as closely as he did Remus. **  
**

 

* * *

 

Ted received a message that evening that James and Andromeda would be returning the following day if all went well, but left no details as to why they were gone or with whom. It left a sour taste in Remus’ mouth, although for the life of him he couldn’t place why.

Sirius had gone on an errand into the village, swimming off before Remus could follow. Dora and Ted shared a knowing look between them, making Remus scowl at them both. He hated secrets, growing up with the knowledge that most of them revolved around his ‘ailment’ and the attempts to hide it. The logical side of his brain tried to reason that if Sirius was keeping a secret it wasn’t about him, but that did little to ease the weight in his chest.

It disturbed Remus how calm they all were about his ability to murder them all if they weren’t careful. Sure, they took precautions and did the best they could to keep all parties involved safe, but, the taboo that was attached to him -- had always been attached to him -- wasn’t there. He kept expecting it, waiting for it to come, the realization that there was a monster in their midst.  **  
**

But it never came. Even Dora, who by then knew what he was, still greeted him with nothing but love and kindness. **  
**

Midday had passed by the time Sirius returned, a small parcel in his hands.  He swam nervously up to Remus, a timid smile gracing his face. “Can I talk with you for a bit?” **  
**

Remus nodded, following the other merman out toward the gardens. Whatever it was he needed to say Sirius was obviously hoping for privacy, and for a reason that Remus couldn’t quite place it made sparks like jellyfish flitter in his belly. **  
**

“Is everything alright?” **  
**

“What? Oh, yeah. It’s fine.” Sirius was running a thumb over the parcel, lip caught between his teeth. “I had James help me with something, it’s for you.” **  
**

It took Remus several moments to register that Sirius was trying to hand him the parcel; it felt light in his hands, but there was an undercurrent of something stronger. Magic, he thought, carefully unwrapping it and letting the soft seaweed fall to the sand. Resting in his hands was -- **  
**

_Oh. **  
**_

“I know it isn’t as nice as the one Regs made me, but I wanted you to have one of your own.” Sirius was rambling, but all Remus could focus on was the necklace curled around his fingers. There were bits of shell and coral and pearl interwoven with sea glass and sand-smoothed steel. It felt lighter than the currents around them, and as Remus turned it in his hand he swore it glowed like the firefly squid his mother had taken him to see as a child. **  
**

“It’s beautiful.” Whispered Remus, finally looking back at Sirius. “You made this for me?” **  
**

Sirius took several moments to respond, mouth moving uselessly. “James and I did together, yeah. It’s, um, it’s charmed, he’s charmed it. Protective enchantments and things like that to help keep you safe. You… you like it?” **  
**

Remus smiled, carefully bringing the necklace over his head, expecting it to tangle in his gills or hair, but instead a light weight seemed to be pressing itself into his skin. He looked over at Sirius, the question already forming in his head. **  
**

“It’s charmed to not come off unless you want it to.” Supplied Sirius, fingers gently rearranging the necklace across his shoulders, barely brushing against his skin. “It feels strange at first, but then you forget you even have it on. Where James and I are from, when merfolk come of age they are presented with one, usually made by family.” **  
**

“So you’re standing in as proxy?” Remus tried to joke even as his words stuttered across his tongue. **  
**

“No.” Sirius smiled a little. “ No, you’re family. May not be blood related, but since when has that mattered?” **  
**

Remus reached up, fingers running over the necklace, letting the enchantments seep into his fingers. He was part of their family, the idea felt warm and heavy, settling deep in his chest. It felt good. **  
**

“Thank you.” **  
**

Sirius reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together and tilting his head toward the house. “C’mon then, Ted and Dora are probably wondered where we’ve run off to.” **  
**

 

* * *

 

It was not until well into the evening that Andromeda and James returned with two guests in tow. **  
**

Gideon and Fabian stuck out like beacons, their hair and tails drawing notice from more than a few merfolk. **  
**

“Remus?” **  
**

“Where in Neptune have --” **  
**

“We’ve been looking --” **  
**

“Who the fuck are the sharks --” **  
**

It was too much to process and Remus shook his head yelling. “Will both of you shut up?” He scrubbed his face, taking a slow breath. “Now, one of you tell me what is going on? How did you even find me?” **  
**

“Molly found you actually. Arthur and Ted --” Gideon nudged his head toward the merman. “They went to school together, grew up within swimming distance, and with sis married they became friends.” **  
**

“So when Ted here saw you --” **  
**

“He told Molly.” Remus groaned. “Alright. That still doesn’t explain why you two are here, or what Andy and James have to do with it.” **  
**

James had the good sense to look guilty, ruffling a hand through his already messy hair, but it was Ted who spoke first. **  
**

“I recognized you, Remus. And when we spoke the evening I welcomed you into my home I made it clear I would not force you back to a home that was potentially dangerous.” He ignored the scoff from the twins. “But then I heard word from Arthur about the state of things in Lyall territory. I will not force you from my home, but I will have you listen to all that has happened since you were away.” **  
**

Remus felt like he had been thrown into a maelstrom, his voice weak and unsteady. “What’s happened?” **  
**

Neither of the twins spoke, eyes focused on the sandy floor. Fear prickled up Remus’ spine, his chest squeezing in, the words barely a whisper. “What’s happened?” **  
**

“Your father is not well, Remus.” Andromeda swam around the merman, taking his hand in her own. “Your friends refused to give the details of his illness, but made it very clear that he may not have long. Several noble families have come forward demanding the line of succession be altered since the heir...  Since you are presumed dead.” **  
**

His ears were ringing, the sound growing louder with each passing moment, filling up his mind and pushing out everything else. His father was dying or perhaps even dead by now. There would be war within the territory and he had very little doubt that during the upheaval of it all Nurmengard and Grimmauld would take it as the perfect opportunity to attack. Anyone within the territory when they descended would face the possibility of death, if they were lucky, or slavery if they were not. Everything his father, and his father before him, had fought and worked for would be lost. **  
**

There were hands on his shoulders, squeezing hard. He hadn’t realized his eyes were closed until he saw the sharp steely grey of Sirius’ inches from his own. The other merman didn’t speak, just held him there, steady hands offering Remus something real to anchor himself to. **  
**

“I have to go back.” Remus whispered, willing the tumult of emotions inside of him to still long enough to think, to explain, praying that Sirius would be able to understand, to hear the question that he couldn't put into words. That being alone was no longer an option. He had latched onto Sirius, keeping him close, too scared of what solitude would do to him again. What it had done to him. It had been so easy to let himself waste away into nothing, eyes and ears and mind too enveloped in forgetting.

But Sirius, Sirius was always there, solid and comforting and _real_.  Remus didn't know when, but the other merman had become important. He mattered. And how many times had Remus felt like the only thing keeping him steady was the steady presence of this unexpected friend? It only made him cling tighter, afraid that if he let go he would drift away.

And Sirius let him. **  
**

Remus did not question it, did not allow himself to think about it. He knew once that door was open there would be no closing it. **  
**

He couldn’t place what had changed between them, but something had. As though some part of the complicated puzzle that was them had slid into place and Remus knew that he was important to Sirius. That as desperately as Remus needed him there, Sirius did too. The tightness in his chest easing slowly, already knowing the words before Sirius spoke them. **  
**

“I’m coming with you.” **  
**


	13. Chapter 13

It was several more days before preparations were made to travel to Lupin Territory, setting both Gideon and Fabian on edge. Neither merman had expected things to take longer than a day; enough time to pack up the necessary supplies and leave, not taking into consideration how close to the full moon it was or what that would mean for all involved.

Both Sirius and Andromeda were visibly agitated by the mermen and their apathy for Remus’ well being, bodies stiff whenever either of them swam near, their gills tense. Several loud arguments filling the small space with echoing sound in a combined frustration from both groups. When Remus had tried to mediate he was caught off guard by the anger directed at him, demanding he choose sides. It was ultimately James who threatened to “stun everyone in the damn house”, which finally resolved the matter.

The twins grumbled amongst themselves as the set up camp outside of the town, only half listening to James and Remus’ lengthy explanation about safety and protocol. But as the moon rose up in the sky their sense of unease grew, or so James had said.

Not for the first time Remus wished that Peter was there to smooth things over. The merman would have known what words to say, how to talk Gideon and Fabian and persuade them to listen. The best he could hope for in his present situation was that once they witnessed the severity of his transformation they would more understanding.

The following days were slow and sluggish with Remus gradually coming back to himself, letting the world drifted by with blurred thoughts and fever-like dreams. Occasionally words sifted their way into Remus’ mind, but much of it slipped away before he could grasp it. He vaguely realized that this transformation was harder that the previous ones and the buzzing in his head whispered to him that this knowledge wouldn’t offer anything good.

Part of his delayed recovery was due to the twins’ persistent questioning of when he would be well enough to travel. After the fourth time they had swum in asking about his progress, and waking him in the process, Sirius had threatened to chop off their fins. His statement had led to another loud argument, nearly ending in a brawl, stopped only by James who yanked the mermen apart, his voice a harsh whisper.

“Will you three please _stop_ for five damn minutes, Neptune’s fucking arse.” Remus’ lips twitched as he feigned sleep, not wanting to be dragged into the conversation. “He needs rest and he won’t get that with all of you hovering over him like nurse sharks.”

“If he travels before his body is recovered it’ll only make things worse.” Sirius said, his voice hard. Remus risked opening his eyes a fractions and could see Sirius rolling his shoulders, deliberately placing himself in front of the bedroom door. “He’s staying right here, neither of you have a say in that.”

“I can hear you, you know.” Remus said dryly, sitting up, a small smile playing on his lips even as he winced.

Sirius tried to hold back a grin, looking over his shoulder. “Good, maybe then you’ll listen this time instead of trying to sneak away when we aren’t looking.”

“I only tried that once.”

“Once is a time too many, Moony. There aren’t any currents nearby that intersect with territory, and I’m not about to carry your exhausted carcass back here because of poor planning.”

Remus rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. His tail was evidence enough of what could happen when he pressed himself while injured. The knot of scar tissue still ached at times and his tail had lost some of it’s maneuverability, causing him to than once collide with a bit of coral or in more embarrassing cases, swim head first into other merfolk. Andromeda had explained that in time the scar tissue would lose some of its stiffness and his swimming would improve, as long as he didn’t overexert himself.

As though that was an option at all.

Gideon seemed to read his expression, letting out a long sigh and crossing his arms over his chest. “We are leaving in two days, with or without you, Remus. We can’t here idly while your friend plays doctor.”

Sirius bristled, Remus pressing a hand to his shoulder to try and calm him. “I know that, Gid, but if I leave now you know I would only slow you down. I’d wear myself out before we even got there.”

“Two days, Remus.” He swam away before Remus could muster up an answer.

Sirius let out a heavy breath and turning to look at Remus. “Is he always that annoying?”

Remus grinned. “He’s more stubborn than you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I highly doubt that.” James called from the other room. “Sirius is a high maintenance merm --”

“Piss off, James!”

“Why would I do that when you are so easy to annoy?”

“Arse!”

“Brat!”

“Am not!”

James was about to reply when he was interrupted by Remus’ laughter. “You both are like a pair of swaggering clownfish.” His laughter only growing louder by Sirius’ glare at him, the merman crossing his arms and frowning before Remus’ laughter got the better of him, lips turning up in spite of himself.

 

* * *

 

“You need more time.”

“Time is something I don’t have, Andromeda.”

The mermaid shook her head, fingers running over Remus’ tail, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. He had followed her orders of resting, even though it had him nearly climbing the walls with the need to be productive. Even so, there was still some residual trauma to his still healing tail from his most recent transformation. The risk that he faced swimming leagues and leagues meant the muscles and tendons might never recover fully.

It was something Remus already knew, and while it worried him there wasn’t time to contemplate. Gideon and Fabian were leaving in a matter of hours and he needed to be with them when they swam away.

Andromeda sighed. “You don’t have to go back, Remus. No one is forcing you to return to a life that caused you so much pain --”

“That is my _home_.” Remus reached up to curling his fingers around the necklace, thumb tracing the edge of a shell. “I can’t hide from it anymore, not if it means thousands of others will suffer for it.”

“Remus --”

“I have to, Andromeda. I… I have to.”

She doesn’t reply, only nodding a little and wrapping a fresh bandage over his tail.

Remus could hear Sirius just outside the house, throwing stones against the nearby coral, venting his frustration on the plant-like creatures. They had gone over the same conversation earlier that day in whispered shouting, ending in Sirius swimming out of the house and refusing to speak with him again.

While it was a relief that Sirius had remained close by, Remus was unsure if it meant that he was offering his own type of support or preparing for another argument. He wouldn’t put it past the merman to try and physically restrain him from leaving should the need arise. The thought would have brought a smile to his face under any other circumstance.

“Talk to him.” Andromeda’s voice pulled Remus’ thoughts back and she gave him a knowing look. “He’s hurt and scared, but he’ll listen to you.”

Remus shifted, nerves feeling frayed in his chest. “He doesn’t want me to go.”

“He doesn’t.” Andromeda agreed, her voice calm.

After a long moment Remus sighed, swimming out toward the coral. Sirius was still there, jaw clenched tight as he flung another stone causing bits of coral to break away, falling limply into the sand. His shoulders were hunching inward and Remus didn’t doubt that the merman knew he was there.

“Sirius.”

He didn’t reply, just hurled another rock, lips pressed tightly together.

“Sirius.”

“ _What_?”

Anger rolled off him as he turned to look at Remus, gills twitching. He looked broken, clinging to the resentment and fury as though it was the only thing keeping him afloat. Maybe it was.

Tentatively Remus swam closer, raising his hands as though approaching a wild creature. It only seemed to further infuriate him, flinging the last of the stones into the sand, causing brown puffs to spiral upward. He swam up to Remus until their fins nearly touched, causing him to involuntarily swim backwards a little, eyes wide.

Sirius looked as though he was desperate to say something but lacked the words. Remus took a breath, taking a risk and speaking before Sirius had the chance for the words to form in his mind.

“I thought… I thought you wanted to come with me.”

“... What?”

It was strange how one word could change so much. It was as though Sirius’ anger was evaporating, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

It hit him then; Remus had assumed that Sirius would be there, that wherever one of them went the other would follow, but Sirius hadn’t. The merman had been left behind so many times, it made sense in a way to expect Remus to do the same. His chest ached at the implication of it sinking deep into his stomach.

Sirius expected to be left behind.

“Come with me. Please?”

“But Fabian and Gid --”

“I don’t _care_ what they think. I want you to come with me.” _I need you to come with me_ , Remus thought biting the inside of his cheek.

The tension in the merman’s shoulders eased, his spine straightening. There was a ghost of a smile there, hidden in the corners of Sirius’ lips as he nodded in reply.

* * *

 

The twins were silent as they swam ahead, torn between relief that Remus agreed to come with them and a deep sense of unease and frustration that the two sharks had somehow become part of their little group in the process.

Remus had made it clear that the only way he would join them was if Sirius did as well, and wherever Sirius went, James inevitably followed. It was a packaged deal, as James’ mother phrased it. Growing up they were rarely out of sight of each other, and Sirius saw no reason to change that now that they were reunited.

It was a gamble, but one that thankfully paid off. Neither Fabian nor Gideon wanted to waste another day arguing with Remus, even if they complained loudly about having to sleep in shifts to ensure the sharks behaved. As though he and James were the greatest threat the two mermen could imagine facing.

He snorted. At least it meant that he would get a full night’s sleep.

They had been travelling for over two days now, steadily heading east. After a while the landscape became monotonous. Fish, coral, some weirdly shaped seaweed, another fish… Sirius hefted his pack higher up on his shoulder and swam over to Remus. The other merman hadn’t spoken much since they left Andromeda’s home, refusing to look back, his eyes focused straight ahead as though he might change his mind if he looked anywhere else. He listed a bit to one side, having to correct himself every few minutes with a huff of frustration. Sirius wondered if his tail still pained him, if it did Remus refused to admit to it.

Remus’ bottom lip caught between his teeth as he mulled over something obviously unpleasant. Sirius nudged him with his tail, trying to be playful. “How much further, do you think?” He asked once Remus had pulled away from whatever thoughts had been bothering him.

“Another day or two maybe. I wasn’t really paying attention when I left.” His reply was quiet and the muscle next to his jaw clenched as he let out a heavy breath, going quiet again.

Sirius couldn’t blame him for feeling so stressed. Had the roles been reversed and he were in a position which required him to return home Sirius doubted he would be half as calm. Although looking at Remus it was obvious that “calm” was not the best word to describe him. The merman looked ready to bolt, eyeing every ridge and reef as though looking for a place to hide.

He wanted to find some words to comfort him, but everything sounded too cliche in his head. Remus knew he had Sirius’ support, and that no matter what happened he would have a place beside him, for however long as Remus wanted him to be there. It was strange, that home had become so synonymous with whatever space Remus inhabited. It wasn’t stone walls or dark caves, it wasn’t even territories.

Tentatively he laced his fingers with Remus’, feeling something expand within the cage of his ribs when the merman squeezed their palms tightly together.

That evening Remus said little, eating quickly and curling into as comfortable sleeping position as one might find on the seafloor. He fell asleep within minutes, face finally relaxing into peaceful expression, his fingers curled around the necklace he wore. Sirius smiled a little.

The twins were discussing something, their voices kept low and wearing matching worried expressions. They glared whenever Sirius came close to retrieve something from his pack, as though he were spying.

Well, technically he _was_ spying, trying to figure out what was so important that they had to drag Remus home with such haste. They had yet to pull Remus aside and inform him, which only added to Sirius’ unease. Maybe he already knew? But wouldn’t Remus tell him if that were the case? It seemed unlikely, and the closer they came to the territory the urgency with which the twins moved only increased.

Sirius had to fight the urge to glare at them. He didn’t like to swim into situation that he wasn’t prepared for, it set his teeth on edge.

One look at James showed he had picked up on it as well, deliberately situating himself between Remus and the twins. He discreetly scratched at his jaw with two fingers and laid back as though to find a comfortable position to sleep. To the unobserved eye it would seem as though he were watching Sirius, keeping the other shark in check, but he knew better.

It was their signal for sleeping in shifts. Sirius nodded and scratched at his ear. He would take the first watch.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

 

They reached the outskirts of Lupin Territory the following evening. The first few villages they passed by were deserted, homes quickly emptied, larger objects like beds and tables left behind as though the merfolk didn’t want to waste valuable time hauling such cumbersome furniture. Some of the larger building appeared to have been looted, doors smashed down and objects strewn about.

“What happened here?” Remus whispered. He stared unblinking at the scene around him as though his mind could not take it in.

“Nurmengard. They’ve been raiding the outskirts for a few weeks now. The militia does what it can, but they can’t be everywhere at once.” Gideon’s voice was hard as he glared at Sirius as though he were personally responsible for the damage.

“But the annexation was supposed to --” Remus bit off the rest of his words. Whatever his father had done to try and salvage their homeland it hadn’t been enough.

“The annexation _should_ have been enough.” Fabian replied, sighing at destruction surrounding him. “Lyall thinks there might be a spy, feeding Nurmengard information. They know when to attack, where we are weakest.”

Remus felt his chest constrict. What had happened while he was away? Their territory wasn’t the vast stronghold that Gryffind was known for, but they weren’t feeble either. “Who would turn spy on us… they’re killing their own people.”

He hadn’t realized the words had been said aloud until the twins shifted uncomfortably. Fabian’s mouth was opening to reply when they heard it, the tiniest of whimpers followed by a hushing. Someone else was near, near enough to hear the words being exchanged. There was an arm dragging him backwards, into a house that was still relatively intact. He could feel shells and bits of metal pressing into his shoulder and let out a small sigh of relief. Sirius.

James had already swum after the noise, the edge of an orange fin disappearing around the corner as the twins followed. Neither he nor Sirius dared to move, waiting, ears straining.

A scream filled the waters around them. Not one of terror, but of rage. The tang of magic crawled up Remus’ skin, heavy like a blanket. There was another cry higher pitched this time and Sirius looked almost frantic. The grip on Remus’ arm tightened, nails digging into his arm as he yanked Remus along, swimming towards whatever was happening behind the row of buildings.

“Moony, _come on_!” Sirius yelled, eyes wide with fear. “Your friends are going to kill her!”

 _Her?_ Remus thought.  _Who’s her?_

He tried to keep pace with Sirius but still ended up being half dragged along, his tail dragging painfully against rough-hewn stone as he was pulled around the ramshackle buildings and past the public baths. He heard the sounds of fighting, multiple voices raised and shouting. They were overlapping too much for Remus to make out more than pieces of the conversation.

“She’s going to --”

“How did you even get --”

“-- was your plan all along!”

“Let go of me --”

Sirius let go of his arm and for a second Remus faltered, losing his momentum, then swam faster toward the noise.

It was complete madness.

Fabian, Sirius, and James were in some sort of a brawl. James was urgently trying to reach Gideon, and Fabian just as urgently trying to keep the merman away from his brother while defending himself from Sirius’ attacks.

Glancing over at Gideon he saw the merman was fighting with someone else, although Remus could not see who. For a moment I thought it might be one of the Prewett relatives; they had the trademark deep red hair, longer than Gideon’s, creating billowing red clouds that hid much of what was happening, although it didn’t not muffle the sounds of fighting. Whoever they were, the twin had his hands full.

He heard them scream and without thinking Remus swam over, trying to separate them from Gideon. The moment he touched them it felt as though he had been punched, the force of it shoving him away. Looking down he saw a welt forming across the expanse of his chest.

Gideon had similar markings, but it seemed that his grip on the merfolk kept himself from being pushed away, although just barely.

The merfolk looked almost like a seahorse, their tail a warm golden color which curled into itself, but unlike a seahorse, the tail - and its owner - were swift. Tucking in their fins tightly as they thrashed their tail violently like a whip. At least that explained what had struck him, but it didn’t explain why the fight was happening in the first place.

Then the two twisted again and Remus caught a better look at the thrashing merfolk. It was a mermaid. Her eyes a brilliant green that gleamed like sunlight in the ocean’s waves, but with far more rage. No, her eyes were a hurricane.

Remus had begun to swim over to help her again when there was a cry and Fabian was flung, his back slamming into a nearby rock and slumping. Remus froze halfway to the grappling fight, not daring to even breathe.

“Let. Her. _Go_.”

Turning his head slowly Remus caught sight of James. His body nearly crackled, magic coming off him in thick, heavy waves. The shark barely moved, hardly breathed, but his fingertips sparked, the held back energy zipping from one finger to the next as though desperate for an exit, for a target.

Gideon didn’t move. Remus wasn’t sure he could move, all of his focus was on Fabian who still laid motionless. The mermaid let out a hiss and worked herself free with a shove and swimming for James, her tail curling tightly around his. James’ hands went to her hair, looking her up and down as though searching for injuries. She shook her head slightly and his shoulders sagged, pulling her close, tucking his head into her shoulder.

There was something in the mermaid’s arms, pressed between the two of them. It looked like a soft parcel, how she had managed to cling to through the entire fight Remus had no idea.

“Lily, what in Amphitrite’s left tit are you _doing_ here?”

 _Lily?_ Remus thought, looking over to Sirius with surprise. The other merman had a deep cut against his bicep that was bleeding freely, even so he was grinning ear to ear.


	14. Chapter 14

If the previous days’ events had been confusing, the tumult unfolding before Remus was rapidly moving beyond that. Everyone except for the mermaid seemed stunned into silence. Even James, who refused to let her leave the safety of his arms, could do little more than murmur into her shoulder. She still clutched the small bundle to her chest, holding it close as though it were something precious.

That confused Remus the most. From what he could see, it was little more than scraps of cloth haphazardly tied together in an oblong ball.

However, the furrowed glances James made toward it and Lily’s warning gaze at anyone who approached contradicted that. What could possibly be so important that it was worth risking her own safety? Looking over at Sirius and the twins didn’t offer any insight, they all looked as confused as he felt.

Remus couldn’t help looking back at the mermaid again. She was unlike anything he had seen before.

When James had spoken of Lily he had expected her to be a shark like him, or at the very least to have features similar to himself. But looking at her Lily reminded him of, well, a seahorse. Her yellow-gold tail seemed to naturally curl around James’, as though to anchor herself, her small dorsal fins fluttering every so often to correct her balance. There weren’t any scales on her tail that he could see. Instead ridges worked their way down, almost like rings, which grew smaller and eventually tapered off. Remus couldn’t help wondering how she could move so swiftly without any visible fins.

“What in Scylla’s name are you doing here? You’re supposed to be back at Gryffind helping Amma.” James’ voice had a hard edge to it, his brows furrowed with worry as another thought struck him. “Has something happened there?”

Lily shook her head quickly. “No, she’s -- it’s fine. It was Sibyl. She had a vision.”

“Sibyl?” Sirius snorted. “She can barely see in front of her nose, let alone a vision.”

The hard glare that Lily gave him quickly sobered the merman. “You didn’t see it, Sirius. If you had… She saw you,” Lily looked over as Remus with a nod. “And said that you would need me before everything came to an end, and so would the baby.”

“The… the what?” Remus asked, his voice sounding faint even to his own ears. He could feel Gideon and Fabian swimming up behind him, their bodies tense.

There was nervousness in Lily’s face as she watched the twins, her top lip caught between her teeth as though to assess whether or not they were still a threat to her. After a few moments her jaw set into a hard line, gills fluttering as she took a steadying breath, then pulled away from James. Remus was surprised to see several pelvic and dorsal fins appear as she swam backward. They had laid so flat against Lily’s tail as she clung to James that he hadn’t realized they were there at all. Looking over at James again she slowly unwrapped the bundle in her arms with gentle fingers.

At first Remus thought it was darkened seagrass and he risked a glance at Sirius, hoping for an explanation. The other merman’s gaze was solely fixed on Lily though, and as Remus turned back he understood why. What he had thought was seagrass was hair. Fine black hair, waving back and forth in the gentle current, followed by a soft face, eyes closed in sleep, and a small fisted hand tucked underneath a tiny chin.

It was a child. No, not a child, a _baby_.

Remus’ thoughts felt frozen as he tried to piece together what his eyes were seeing. Beside him Sirius let out a soft chuckle that sounded almost forced and one of the twins both swore under their breath.

James could only stare, his mouth opened as though he were searching for a word, looking first to the child and then to Lily who gave an almost imperceptible nod. His hand trembled as his fingers brushed through the unruly hair then brushed down to gently stroke a plump cheek, the corners of his lips curling up in a smile.

“How?” James asked quietly, his eyes still focused on the sleeping child.

“Sibyl… She, she told me. Said I needed to swim west, and that by the third day my path to motherhood would become clear… I suppose she was right.” Lily bit her lip nervously again as she tried to divine what James’ expression meant. The merman only smiled wider, fingers tracing the curves and lines of the baby’s face as though to memorize them.

“Wha -- How does someone _find_ a child?” Remus asked, his voice sounding harsh after the silence.

Lily stared him down unblinkingly and Remus had to fight the urge to fidget under her gaze. Looking at James and then down at the sleeping baby in her arms, she seemed to be choosing her words carefully. “There was… On the way here I swam through a village. But Greyback and his followers had gone through it first. I tried to help, but everyone was already dead or dying. But, then I heard him.” Her arms shifted, fingers gently running through the black wavy locks. “He was hidden under… I think the merfolk hiding him had been his parents. I couldn’t leave him there to starve.”

At the mention of Greyback’s name Remus felt the air ripped out of his body. He didn’t want to think of what the merman had done, but images filled his mind anyway. His mother clawing desperately at her throat, eyes wide with horror and desperation, the countless dead who had been thrown into the fray as little more than battle fodder.

“How do you know it was him?” The words left Remus’ mouth before he realized they were spoken. “Couldn’t it have been some other group of… of raiders?”

Lily caught his expression and swallowed hard, shaking her head with sympathy. “He and his men have a symbol, an insignia they use. It was carved into their bodies.” This last sentence came out as little more than a whisper, her fingers absently running through the baby’s hair again. As the hair was swept away Remus saw an angry slash across the middle of the child’s forehead, it would leave a scar he had no doubt.

“Which village?” Sirius asked, a strange timber to his voice.

“Just outside Gryffind Territory.”

 

* * *

 

By that evening Gideon was swimming back to the Lupin Territory to tell Lyall the news about Greyback. Remus had wanted to join him but was firmly rejected, on the grounds that his injury would only slow the other merman down. There wasn’t time to waste waiting for a merman who couldn’t keep pace. The words had stung, but Remus couldn’t find fault in them.

The other merfolk had continued on at a slower pace, eventually making camp. As they at dinner a question gnawed at Remus.

“They’re going to name him Harry.” Sirius said as he swam over, tossing a few unopened clams to Remus. “After James’ grandfather, in a way. Wonder what the old man would’ve said about it. Euphemia is going to be thrilled when they return home.”

“Who?”

“James’ mother.” Sirius laughed. “And I guess Harry’s grandmother. No one expected him and Lily to have any children, you see.”

“No, I don’t see… why can’t they have children?” Remus asked between bites of food, absently watching the couple as they cuddled the small child between them, exchanging quiet words, Lily’s fiery hair almost cocooning them from view.

Sirius gave him a dumbfounded look that morphed into a smirk as he shucked open a clam. “What do you know about seahorses?”

“What does that have to do with --”

“Just answer the question, Moony.”

Remus thought for a moment. “Well. They’re usually significantly smaller than her,” he nudged his chin in the direction of the mermaid.

“And?”

“And they like to stay out of fast currents…?”

“ _And_?”

Remus was about to throw an empty clam shell at him in frustration. Why couldn’t Sirius just tell him whatever it was he was alluding to? The shell was in his hand when the realization came. “The males bear their young.” He said quietly.

Sirius nodded, his face turning solemn. “And James isn’t a seahorse.”

Something twinged in Remus’ heart as he looked back over at the couple. “They couldn’t have children. James had said it was an arranged betrothal, but I didn’t realize...”

He thought back to the conversation he and the other merman had shared. He and Lily were marrying to solidify an alliance, not out of love. Certainly love was there, but even if it wasn’t, the two merfolk would have been expected to wed and bring their territories together. And yet here she was, a small infant in her arms. It was no small wonder then that James had something close to reverence in his eyes. Remus would have felt the same had he thought he would never have a family.

 _I won’t have a family_ , he thought, correcting himself. Monsters aren’t given that opportunity.

“It’s worrisome that they are attacking so close to such a strong territory.” Fabian said quietly breaking through the heavy thoughts. He and Sirius had been preparing new spears and knives, one of the few undertakings which involved both mermen and did not end in a fight. Ever since hearing of Greyback they had moved their focus into preparing for the possibility of attack.

Sirius nodded, reaching for a dagger Fabian had just finished and testing its sharpness. “He’s getting bolder. Most at Grimmauld knows he wants Lupin’s Territory. Fawcett’s, too, if he can manage it. The merman has enough of a following to manage it.”

Fabian glared at Sirius until the merman set the blade back down. “Molly mentioned a group he was allied with a while back. No one knows where they are hiding, but they are definitely growing. Do you think the two might be --”

“The same? I don’t doubt it.” Sirius sighed. “It makes me wonder why they haven’t attacked yet.”

“They’re setting a trap.” Remus whispered, his body going cold.

Memories of when he and Peter used to go on fishing trips filled his mind. Dozens of mermen would set out, preparing a wide net while he, Peter, and the remaining mermen searched for a nearby school. Once one was found it was easy; they would swim out as though trying to catch one or two of them, all the while herding the fish in the direction of the waiting mermen. The schools survival instinct would take over, swimming right into the trap.

Except this time Remus wasn’t herding the fish, he was the one being herded.

“Poseidon's fucking arse.” Fabian swore, having come to the same realization. “Gideon’s swimming right into it. We’ve got to go. _Now_.”

Fabian was already breaking camp, the exhaustion of the day gone. Sirius looked over to him and then to Remus, fear etched into his features. He wanted to comfort the other merman, to tell him it would be alright. But…

“Tell James.” Remus said, grabbing for his pack and quickly gathering everything within reach, barely dodging Sirius’ tail as the other merman turned and swam off.

He tried not to pay attention to the conversation, focusing instead on making sure that their provisions and equipment were equally distributed. Regardless of what James or Sirius decided he had to make it back home. Guilt gnawed at Remus’ stomach, if he had come back sooner, if he hadn’t run away --

Sirius’ voice broke through his thoughts.

“Fucking hell, James!”

“It’s suicide, Sirius.”

“So your plan is to just swim away?”

“Sirius --”

Remus blocked out the rest of the conversation, biting lip hard enough to taste blood. He couldn’t fault James for returning to his territory. His home, his family, Lily and the child, they all needed him, especially if Greyback was laying waste to villages so close to his borders. Hell, it was exactly what he was doing, and Remus had much less of a family to protect.

A warm hand pressed itself into Remus’ shoulder, stilling his movements. He knew who it was before turning around.

“Lily and James are swimming to the Fawcett’s once they’ve packed, to Andromeda’s house. They’re going to leave Harry there and meet us at the border.”

Half the contents of Remus’ pack spilled out onto the sand as he whirled around to face Sirius, eyes wide. “Are you all out of your fucking minds? James is right, it’s suicide, Sirius.”

“I know.”

“You know? _You know_? You are swimming gills first into Amphitrite knows what. More than likely everyone in my territory is already dead, or soon will be. And you’re just going to add your name onto that? For what?” Remus was yelling, his voice cracking. “For what, Sirius?”

“I won’t leave you again.” His voice was calm as he said it, but his eyes betrayed everything and somehow that made it even worse.

“I’m not worth dying for.”

Remus moved to swim away and gather the supplies strewn across the sand but a hand on his wrist stopped him. He didn’t have the courage to turn back and face Sirius again, holding his body still, not even daring to breathe. Then Sirius’ fingers were on his chin, a firm but gentle pressure that made Remus shiver as he looked into silver grey eyes. The words were stuck in his throat, that he didn’t want to see someone else he cared for die because of him, but then Sirius’ lips were pressing into his, the grip on his wrist loosening.

And Remus couldn’t run away.

He hadn’t expected it to be so soft. Everything about Sirius had been fast and demanding, bright. But not this. He moved so carefully, as though prepared for Remus to pull away. Warm fingers skimming up the length of his arm, over his shoulder, curling around the back of his neck and interlacing with his necklace.

Remus mind raced. He was too afraid to move, too afraid to shatter this, whatever this was. Something too much, too big; frightening and wonderful and more than he deserved. He had spent so long fighting it, pushing Sirius away in a vain attempt to protect him. But this? He wanted this tiny sliver of happiness for himself. And closing his eyes he let Sirius pull him in, surrendering.

When Sirius pulled away he pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth, a tremulous smile forming across his lips.

“I’m not leaving.” Sirius said quietly, pressing his nose into the crook of his neck and curling into his body like they did after every moon. Remus didn’t let himself think, only wrapped his arms around the merman, his voice heavy.

“Alright.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infinite thanks to JackNSallyGal without whom this chapter would still be jumbled up in my head. I love you, dearheart.

Sirius didn’t move from where he and Remus floated amidst the idle current. He didn’t so much as breathe lest it break the fragile moment. He could feel the shells of Remus’ necklace digging into the bridge of his nose as he pressed his face into the merman’s shoulder. He could feel Remus’ gills flutter against his cheek as the merman breathed shallowly, the arms around wrapping closer. And finally, for the first time in years, the tightness in his chest eased away. All Sirius wanted was to be closer, to hold onto this feeling.

It felt safe. Warm and close, protected.

There were noises, the rumble of Remus’ voice vibrating against his skin.

“Sirius.”

Not yet.

“Sirius.”

Remus shifted his arms, a hand lightly cupping his cheek and making Sirius look up. The smile on Remus’ face couldn’t stay still, tremors gliding over his lips and chin. He looked close to crying and for a moment Sirius feared he’d done something wrong. Remus didn’t want this, didn’t want to be kissed or touched --

“James and Lily are leaving…” His voice had a strange timber to it, as though saying those few words took him great effort. His eyes lifted to some place behind Sirius and he watched as the merman carefully set his expression to something more neutral before slowly untangling himself, not quite pushing Sirius away, although it was obvious his focus was somewhere elusive and distant. Before he could swim away Sirius reached out, wrapping his fingers tightly around Remus’ wrist, shaking his head.

Sirius was about to speak when a hand, warm and heavy, pressed onto his shoulder, the weight of it familiar and fixed. Remus’ eyes flicked up again then back to Sirius before gingerly pulling away with a small nod, though to who Remus was nodding to Sirius couldn’t tell. The smile on his face wavering a little as he swam away.

“I’m coming back, Sirius. We both are.” James’ voice was quiet but firm.

He didn’t move, too focused on watching Remus as he met with Fabian, speaking words too quiet for Sirius to hear. Both mermen looked so small and fragile and not for the first time Sirius felt something twist sharply in his chest. The weight on his shoulder pressed forward, making him turn and meet his friend’s eyes. He could see the same fear reflected there, the knowledge of it not bringing Sirius comfort it had in the past. It only solidified his awareness that there was no guarantee any of them would come back from this.

How could he get through this without James? His friend had been a constant, anchoring point even after Sirius had fled. It had been what kept him together through so much of his life, the insurmountable force that moved him forward when he couldn’t do it himself. The idea of facing Lupin territory without him, of letting James leave, made a bubble of panic rise in his throat.

“Swim fast and keep him safe.” James nodded toward Remus, his voice low. “He needs to survive, Sirius. He has to survive.”

“I know.”

“Does _he_ know?”

Sirius knew the question James was asking and looked away, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Fuck, Sirius.”

“How am I supposed to tell him, James?” Sirius whispered, his voice harsh as he jerks his shoulder out of James’ grasp. “Just bring up the fact that I happen to be related to --”

“Yes!” James yelled. He yanked Sirius away from Lily and Remus, who both looked up curiously at his raised voice. His fingers dug into Sirius’ arm as he sat them down on a rocky outcropping, his expression hard. “Dammit Sirius, how many months have you spent with him? And in all that time you never bothered to -- Poseidon's fins! He _needs_ to know who you are and who your family is. And he deserves to hear it from you instead of some brack-water fish.”

“Easy for you to say.” Sirius muttered, grimacing.

James took a slow, deep breath as he scrubbed his face. “Sirius. Why do you think Grimmauld targeted him and his mother all those years ago?”

“They probably wanted to make another puppet government like at Durmstrang.” Sirius sniffed, rubbing at the tender spot where James’ fingers had been.

“Right. But _why_? Your family and Greyback never act without a damn good motive.”

Sirius paused, letting that sink into his mind. It was true, neither the Black family nor their damned lapdog acted outright without a purpose behind it. If they had wanted to take the Lupin territory they could have done it a hundred different ways without the merfolk living within being any the wiser. Moving from the shadows and using pawns to reach their ends had been Grimmauld’s way for centuries.

So, why?

They had only taken Remus and Hope hostage even though Lyall was technically the one in power. And while their claim that it was for leverage and ransom was believable, it would have made more sense to take the chieftain. The easier thing would have been to threaten him in private and blackmail Lyall into a corner. Attacking outright had gone against all of that. Greyback should have been severely disciplined for his actions, especially since he had failed to take the territory. But instead he had been given a heroes welcome when word came that Hope Lupin was dead and the only living heir had been permanently compromised.

“Who was Hope related to?” Sirius asked, his voice quiet.

“She was Marius’ granddaughter.”

“ _Marius_? But, Pollux’s brother was disowned decades ago, how...”

“If Lyall and Remus die the Lupin line goes with them, the only merfolk left to inherit would be Hope’s remaining relations, which are --”

“The Blacks.”

James watched him, the muscles in his jaw bunching tight. “Remus needs to know who you are and what is coming. This is more important than your pride, Sirius. He’s going to swim into a trap and if they take him, dead or alive, it’s over.” He looked down at his hands, his voice starting to tremble. “If they take this territory Gyffind and Ottery St Catchpole will fall within a matter of weeks, months at best.”

Sirius’ mind ran over the tactical plans he remembered from childhood. Grimmauld had enough funds to hire the best mercenary ships. Enough to form a temporary alliance with Nurmengard and use the puppet government in Durmstrang to form an army that would be at their disposal. If they turned their full power on Lupin territory...

“We’re not swimming into a trap, we’re swimming into a massacre.” His voice sounded too hoarse, too heavy. His eyes fell on Remus, who was double checking supplies with Fabian, their heads nearly touching as they spoke. Did Fabian know? Did Gideon?

Did Remus?

“Keep him alive, Sirius.”

* * *

Fabian was impossible to keep pace with. He’d wasted no time with goodbyes once his pack had been ready. Only a hand briefly clasped in Remus’ before swimming out. In any other circumstance Sirius would have been annoyed at the merman’s expectation that they swim as though competing in a tournament, but if it were Regs swimming into a trap… Sirius shook his head. He didn’t have time for thoughts like that. There was more than enough to occupy his mind.

Knowing that his family was involved in this, what their intentions had been all along, made Sirius feel sick inside. Grimmauld had been waiting for the opportunity to attack, playing a drawn out game with the calm ease of someone who already knew they had won. And if Greyback was involved, of which Sirius had little doubt, he wouldn’t be acting with a small attache of fighters as he had been during his raids on outlying villages. Fenrir knew how to make the best of his political and monetary backing from Grimmauld, hiring merfolk as sadistic as he was that enjoyed breaking families apart and watching the pieces scatter.

Sirius scowled, tacking it to the growing list of things that he did not want to bother explaining to Remus when the time came. If they lived that far.

“Do you see him?”

Remus was squinting out at the murky water, his eyes scanning for some sign of his friend. Following his line of sight Sirius tried to make out the orange smudge in the distance, his only indicator that they weren’t swimming in circles, but Fabian had managed to swim too far ahead.

“No.”

Charybdis’ _fucking teeth_ the merman was fast.

Beside him Remus was struggling to keep the speed he had set for himself, jaw clenched in concentration. He kept listing off and swearing under his breath as he corrected himself. So far the knot of scar tissue at the end of his tail was holding up, but Sirius didn’t know how much longer it could endure this level of strain. Remus was starting to turn pale, his scales losing their color, his lips pressed into a thin pale line.

“Remus, should we --”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look it.”

Remus glared at him  but kept moving. “Well it doesn’t matter what I look like, it matters that I can still swim.”

Sirius swore under his breath and reached for the merman’s hand, trying to slow him down. “It won’t do any good if by the time you get there you’re too exhausted to help anyone.”

Remus yanked his hand away with a growl, fingers balling into fists as he pushed himself to swim even faster.

“Remus.” Sirius called, then louder when the merman didn’t slow. “ _Remus_!” He reached out again, trying to grab hold of his tail.

“ _What_?” Remus stopped suddenly, color rising in his face. “I don’t have time to be rest or coddle myself. Every minute I waste out here is a minute that someone from my home is harmed or killed. I can’t waste time because my damned tail hurts.” He made an aggravated noise and turned to swim ahead again.

“Titon’s fucking arse, will you stop!” Sirius tackled him, wrapping his arms tightly around Remus’s waist as they dropped down into the gritty sand. “Fucking _stop_ , Remus!”

“Let go of me!”

“No. Goddammit, think for one fucking second! What will happen when Greyback finds you too exhausted to defend yourself? Who will you be helping then?”

Remus stilled, his face pressed into the sand as his heart thumped wildly against Sirius’ chest. “How do you know Greyback will be there?”

“You told me he attacked you when you were younger.” Sirius said shifting his hold on Remus as he tried to evade the question.

“But how do you know he’s there now?” Remus asked, his voice turning hard when he was met with silence. “Sirius, _how_ do you know he’s there?”

Sirius closed his eyes, his voice thick. “Because he works for Grimmauld.”

“Wh-what are you saying? Your family tells him where to attack and he -- fuck. Did they send him to Lupin territory before, when my mother...?” Sirius nodded against his shoulder and something in Remus’ voice changed. “How long have you known?”

Sirius couldn’t say it. He rested his head against Remus’ shoulder, fighting the sob in his throat. He didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to see and hear what would come from him knowing.

But his silence had been more than enough.

“Sirius.” Remus pushed him away his eyes wide with shock. “A-are you saying that your family, that they killed my mother _on purpose_? That they meant for him to make me this way?” He looked close to being ill, fingers digging into the sand. “You sent him?”

“My father did.” Sirius said quietly.

There was silence for a long moment as Remus fought to control his expression, hands clutching at the sand. “He _killed_ my mother. He made me --” Something caught in his throat causing his voice to shake. “How long have you known?”

“A while.”

There was a feeble laugh as Remus looked away. “‘A while.’ What, you knew your family attacked mine and thought it would just be some little thing to slip by?”

“There was never a chance to tell you.” Sirius pleaded.

“That’s whaleshit and you damn well know it. We have been at Andromeda’s for months.” Remus paused, a look bordering on hysteria on his face. “She knew too, didn’t she? She’s from Grimmauld just like you. And neither of you thought I should know what really happened to me or my family? What kind of, of _things_ are you?”

“No! Andy didn’t know, I swear she didn’t.”

“You mean she didn’t know that your family killed mine.” Remus yanked his tail out from under Sirius. “You’re all the same, aren’t you? Fuck. Fuck!”

“Remus, please. Please, listen to me. I didn’t know what my father had done -- I was a child! I couldn’t have stopped it. I didn’t know until -- I didn’t know it was you. Remus. Please, I didn’t know. They never had me in the war room, I had no way of knowing they did this to you.”

“But you knew they did it to some poor fish.”

Sirius wanted to cry. “I knew he attacked other territories, took over their councils and governments to make Grimmauld stronger.”

“Who else are they sending to attack us?”

“Remus --”

“Who else is attacking my home.” Each word is clipped and hard, sharp enough to cut into Sirius, making him wince.

Sirius swallowed hard, his fingers instinctively curling into his necklace. “Grimmauld, Nurmengard, and Durmstrang, probably. They have contracts with human mercenaries but I don’t know whether they’ll bring them in as well.”

“And all this time you never thought to tell me? To mention that there was a _fucking war council_ that had its eyes set on my home, on everything and everyone I’ve ever known? I ran away to protect my family, and now you’re saying you knew all along what kind of danger they were in?”

When Sirius finally looked up at Remus there is no compassion there, the lines of his face hard and closed off. “You said you never wanted to go back.”

“Get the fuck away from me.”

Sirius watched dumbly for a moment as he swam away, too numb to think. His father’s voice rang in his ears, the conversation from the night he had run away. All he had ever done was tarnish the family and its name. Little better than a traitor. He hadn’t be strong enough. Been a fucking coward.

He had chosen exile, fleeing like some newborn shark pup because it was the easy way out.

_No._

He’d left Grimmauld because he refused to let the legacy of death and killing continue on in him. Because he wouldn’t join the death cult his family had become so enamored with, exterminating and eliminating ‘weakness.’ Cowardice would have been taking the mark and he knew it. It was not weakness to refuse participating in genocide.

If he hadn’t fled he would have never found Remus, who fought with everything he had, how could that ever be weakness? And now? He finally had the opportunity to prove he wasn’t weak, that he was willing to fight for what he believed, he was about to let someone that meant more to him than his own life die because he couldn’t admit to his own faults?

“No.” Sirius whispered, pulling himself up off the sandy floor, eyes spotting the blue green shimmer of Remus’ scales in the distance. He didn’t dare blink, chasing him down with a single mindedness that blotted out all other thought. A scream tore from Sirius’ throat as he reached Remus, gripping him by the arms, letting his nails dig into the soft skin.

“What do you want from me? To admit that I did nothing? You’re right, I did nothing. I ran because I couldn’t face them. Because I was afraid of them killing me for not falling in line like everyone else. I couldn’t be what my father wanted for an heir, no matter how much he beat it into me.

“I knew what he did to merfolk who weren’t like him; everyone knew. And instead of _doing something_ I only thought of myself. I thought by running away I would keep people safe, if there was no heir there wouldn’t be a war and I was fucking _stupid_. All I’ve done is give them a better reason to hurt you.” Sirius’ voice was cracking and he screamed louder, shaking Remus. “If I go back they will kill me just a fast as they’d kill you. Except they’ll torture me. Publicly execute me. Rip my fins out and flog me to death while yelling: Look at your heir! Your fallen prince! See what happens when you are too weak to lead!”

A sob tore itself free and Sirius felt himself shaking. “I left because I was weak. I left Regs alone. He’s probably dead because of it and I’ll be too by the end of this.”

 _If you hate me so much do it now and save everyone the trouble,_ Sirius thought, and felt the words burn in his chest. He slumped against Remus as though the merman was the only thing keeping him from falling back into the sand. His voice sounded too high, barely a whisper. “Just kill me.”

Silence met him, interrupted only by the sound of his sobbing, his body heaving with the force of it. He had failed. Failed to protect Regs, failed keep the people he loved safe. Orion had been right; he was a failure, and that was all he ever would be.

“Sirius.” Remus’ voice was barely a whisper.

“Kill me and go, find Fabian. Just don’t die. If you die they win.”

He let go of Remus, letting his body float down, not bothering to protect himself from the rocks and seaweed that tangled around his hair and dug into his limbs. It didn’t matter if Remus killed him now or left him to die. Sand stuck in his gills and he coughed violently, his eyes squeezing shut. It took him a moment to register shaking arms wrapping themselves slowly around Sirius’ waist and pulling him close.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Remus asked, his voice cracking.

“Because you wouldn’t want me after you knew.”

Remus didn’t move, his body shaking as they both poured out a mutual grief that had no name. “You should have told me.”

Sirius’ chest heaved as he said over and over “I’m sorry. I should have told you, I should have said something. I’m so sorry, Remus. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” A litany of words that felt garbled and heavy, purged from somewhere deep inside. As though his tears were driving out every memory, every moment when his silence has cost merfolk their homes and lives. He had never been strong enough to save any of them.

_Keep him alive, Sirius._

He could save Remus. Keep him from Orion and Pollux, help him to outmaneuver Greyback. And maybe in saving Lupin territory he could make up for everything he hadn’t done. “I have to help you.” He said thickly. “I have to do this. I don’t care what you do to me after, but I have to keep you alive. I promised to keep you alive.”

Remus’ fingers slowly curled into his hair, weaving patterns through the dark strands. “We can’t go back from this.” He said quietly, tilting Sirius’ jaw so that he had to look at Remus. He was searching Sirius’ face with a look of deep sadness. “I don’t know what will come after, but if we can’t go back... we have to go forward.”

Carefully he took Sirius’ hand, squaring his shoulders as he swam toward home.


	16. Chapter 16

_ Just a few more leagues. Keep swimming. _

Everything in Remus’ body ached. The muscles in his back and down his tail burned from the effort of maintaining his speed and endurance, gills begging for rest that he couldn’t give them. There was no time to spend thinking on his body’s complaints, not when he knew what was ahead. His spine prickled at the knowledge of it, that even now he might be too late. The memory of the destroyed villages he and Sirius had already swum past, the sight terrifying with its bleaching coral and merfolk, their bodies laid out like broken toys, made him swim faster.

Sirius had turned silent after the second village, his eyes trained ahead and lips pressed firmly together. But Remus saw with growing unease the way he balled his hands into fists, tiny wisps of blood trailing behind and he wondered for not the first time what all of this cost him. How much blame did Sirius lay upon himself for this savagery. The other merman hadn’t told him to stop or slow down since their fight, only kept close pace with him, and Remus was grateful for it. His mind felt too full with knowing, the sharp edge of panic trying again and again to gain a foothold. The only thing that kept him somewhat calm was the steady movement of his body. So long as he was focused on the simple problem of maintaining his current pace his thoughts remained thankfully quiet.

He risked another glance at Sirius. It was impossible to know what the merman was feeling. With every league they swam Sirius was choosing to sabotage his family’s plans. No, sabotage wasn’t the right word. Betrayal. It tore at his chest in a way that frightened him.  Remus couldn’t stop seeing his mother, her wide fearful eyes as she struggled to breathe, Greyback watching with something close to delight. 

Because of Grimmauld.

And somehow when he looked at Sirius, that wasn’t what he saw. Even now, knowing what role his family had played, he felt so much for him. It was such a paradox. Sirius left a monstrous family only to fall into the arms of a different kind of monster. Remus couldn’t understand it, how either of them had managed to come to this place, found each other in the most unlikely of circumstances. Could he have survived any of this without him?

He gave himself a quick mental shake and swam faster, eyes focused forward.

_ Keep swimming. _

Warm fingers twined into his own, squeezing Remus’ hand firmly.

“Do you have a plan?” Sirius tried to keep his tone neutral, but there was an edge to the question.

Remus bit his lip. “I don’t know. Maybe? We need to make it home first.” He didn’t want to voice the rest of that sentence, but the thought was there.  _ If there is a home to return to.  _

How much more time did they have? Lupin wouldn’t last long under siege. For all he knew the city had already been overrun. He bit his lip harder, trying to ignore the tightness in his throat and the way his chest squeezed into a vice.

“We’ll make it, Remus.”

He could only nod, not trusting his voice. Images flashed through his mind as he swam on; his father, Gideon and Fabian, Peter, the palace tutors and attendants who had treated him like family. His stomach lurched, and Remus had to fight the bile rising up in his throat. There was no guarantee that they would reach St Ottery or Gryffind should fleeing be their only option, and what if that was what Grimmauld and Numengard wanted? There was no reason for them not to spring two traps at once. Flush out the merfolk from Lupin and use Catchpole and Gryffind’s good intentions against them. If what Sirius said was true they had practically unlimited funds. Neptune, what if --

“Remus?” Sirius was watching him closely, his brows furrowing together.

“I-I’m fine.” Remus whispered, not meeting his gaze.

Sirius pursed his lips together but didn’t question further. There was no need. They both knew what they were swimming into and what their odds of surviving, let alone succeeding, were. How many merfolk would die because of a war that he was responsible for? Merfolk whose only fault was the place where they chose to live? 

It had been something that he and Sirius talked about for long nights while staying with Andromeda. Logic said that Remus was no more responsible for the events unfolding around them than Sirius or Peter were, but that didn’t do much to assuage his sense of guilt. Would it all have happened even if he hadn’t fled? There were so many questions and fears in his mind, too many to process. 

Sirius squeezed his hand, pulling him back to the present. “When we reach Lupin, is there a way to sneak inside?” Sirius asked. The clipped edge had smoothed out, making him sound almost calm.

Remus felt a twinge of envy hearing it.

Even in the best of situations they couldn’t exactly swim through the gates. There were scouts and marksmen positioned along the perimeter of the city and Remus had little doubt they would take great joy in bringing down a shark, most of them probably never had the opportunity to even see one up close. 

The territory’s capital was built for security and defense, however it was meant to be defended from within. If the area was already overrun no amount of interior defense would aid them. And if his people were not expecting an attack the lesser used gates would be the first to be infiltrated. 

_ James and Sirius were right. Getting back into the the city would only be the first challenge _ , Remus thought. The only area that would likely be left unchecked was the one place Remus did not want to go near. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to push back the memories. It had obscurity in its favor; only a handful of merfolk even knew the place existed. It was unlikely that the mercenaries would have found it without exploring every level found beneath the city. 

“I have an idea.” Remus said.

* * *

Remus’ tail throbbed with each movement and the satchel slung over his shoulder had rubbed his skin raw and sore, making him question the wisdom in packing provisions. They had managed to reach the border of Lupin territory, although it was another hour before Sirius found a site secluded enough for that would be easy to defend if necessary.

In truth Remus didn’t care, so long as he could sleep and possibly eat something. He had been adamant throughout their journey that he was fine, but the deep ache in his tail which was now traveling steadily up his spine told him otherwise. It had been months since his injury and still his tail was limited in its range of motion. He felt sluggish and clumsy, listing awkwardly whenever he swam any discernable distance. Ted had mentioned that there was deep scar tissue from the wound having gone untreated for so long, but it hadn’t fully set in what that would mean until recently. The thought that he might be permanently crippled made something deep within him ache.

“Here.” Sirius tossed several large clams toward Remus with a smile. “Shuck those while I get the bedrolls set up?”

Remus couldn’t help smiling back. “You had my knife last, Sirius.”

“It’s over by that rock, I think.” He jutted his chin to the left before turning his focus towards the heating stones.

“If you lost my knife again I swear…” Remus trailed off, his eyes focusing on a nearby boulder, he heard himself make a startled noise, but somehow felt detached from it, his body turning cold and heavy. 

He knew this place. 

The memories felt like though they belonged someone else. He, Peter, Gideon, and Fabian setting up camp as Doge chatted away amiably. The sound of fins skimming over the sand. Peter’s terrified expression when he was nearly struck down. The feeling of a harpoon clutched in shaking hands as it ripped through the chest of a merman, the shock of it reverberating up his arms. 

“What is it?” Sirius asked, swimming over to him, his smile falling away as he took in Remus’ pale expression. 

“I killed him here.”

“Who --?”

“He- They attacked us here, I don’t even know which territory sent them.” The words started to tumble out in a rush, syllables tripping over each other. “They had harpoons and nets and there were so many of them. I thought they had already killed Gideon when I -- I thought we were going to die. Maybe they meant to random us back, or sell us off? I don’t know. There wasn’t time to think.” Remus looked over at Sirius, his eyes pleading. “I just knew that if it was going to be them or me, I was choosing me.”

Sirius swam closer, wrapping an arm carefully around his shoulder. His dark hair billowed out in the slow current, wrapping around them like a loose blanket and Remus felt his chest ease slightly. Sirius’ eyes were steady as his looked at Remus. “They attacked you, attacked your friends. It doesn’t matter if they planned to keep you or kill you. Remus, you defended yourself the only way you could. If you hadn’t chosen to save yourself I wouldn’t have… we’d never…”

He trailed away, but Remus could hear the unsaid words in his head. _ We would have never met each other, never had the opportunity to become something bigger than we were apart.  _ Sirius’ fingers squeezed and he pulled Remus in closer, a tiny smile forming on the corner of his mouth. Remus knew then they are thinking the same thing; neither of them would have become the mermen they were now if not for the strange series of events that had brought them together. 

Would he change it, if he could? The thought of taking back his newfound sense of self worth and made his scales itch. Most of his life had been spent hiding who he was from other merfolk, Remus didn’t think he had it in him to give up that sense of belonging, not after he knew what it was he had missed all these years. The idea of swimming back home like some lost guppy and pretending he didn’t need to feel welcomed and wanted, if it wasn’t such a terrifying thought Remus could have laughed.

Knowing what he could gain from leaving, he already knew he would have done it all the same, consequences be damned. Remus turned, resting his his head against Sirius’ shoulder and swallowing hard to push away the knot in his chest.

“This was what put everything into motion, wasn’t it? For all of this.” Remus whispered. 

Sirius tentatively ran his thumb across Remus’ jaw, making him look into the merman’s face. His eyes were bright as he spoke. “It was. You were the catalyst for my survival, you saved me from a future I couldn’t have survived.” He searched Remus’ face, taking a shaky breath. “You changed everything.” He leaned in, kissing Remus’ temple and holding him closer, arms wrapping tightly around his waist.

A small bubble of laughter escaped Remus, trying to calm the fluttering in his chest. He allowed himself only a second to question it before tilting his head to kiss Sirius, barely a brush of their lips, before looking back into his face. Sirius blinked several times before his smile widened. Nodding to himself Remus looked back beyond the boulder. He couldn’t see it yet, but he knew it was there. His home, or whatever might remain of it.

Deliberately squaring his shoulders Remus put some distance between them and glanced around the boulder before looking back to Sirius. “Now, where in Neptune’s great name did you hide my knife?”

* * *

Remus searched for the landmark, a long strip of coral that meandered through rocks and sand. Some of the plants had changed over the years, altering the seascape. Even so he recognized the wide branch of pillar coral, how it grew at a strange angle. To the average viewer it would simply appear to be abnormal, likely injured in some way during its earlier stages of development; but Remus knew if he looked near its base there would be three long gouges that ran parallel to the sand. 

He had barely been six when his father brought him out here, ensuring that Remus paid close attention to which coral was marked. The swim to the small reef had been a test on Remus’ nerves, the knowledge that if he hadn’t become this monstrous thing none of this would have been necessary. He’d known better by then not to show how much it hurt him, how alone and afraid each full moon made him, instead he studied the location and answered every question posed to him, adamant that at least in this he would make Lyall proud.

The effort had paid off, it seemed. Hidden under the coral and sand Remus knew he would find a crawl space nestled into the rock which led into a series of tunnels. Lyall had ordered them built as an escape route from the original cloister of rooms where Remus endured his transformations. They had been abandoned once the annexed rooms had been built, but there had never been a need to demolish them. The reef’s entrance barely offered enough room for a grown merman to squeeze through, but Remus knew if they could find their way it would lead him and Sirius under the barricaded gatehouses.

There was no knowing the condition the tunnels would be in, however. In all likelihood at least some of the rooms had been tampered with since their vacancy. He could almost hear his tutor’s voice in his head, Augusta Longbottom, the old wizened merwoman she was, slapping her palm on the table to get his attention. 

_ Be careful, Remus. There are things more dangerous than you that hide in small spaces. The last thing we need is for you to get eaten by a moray or poisoned by sea snakes.  _

“This is it.” He said, looking over his shoulder at Sirius. He had to crawl on his belly at first to squeeze through, a knife at the ready in case something, or someone, had made the place their home. The knot of nervousness eased a little at the sound of Sirius swearing loudly behind him.

“You said this was a tunnel.” Sirius grumbled.

“It is.”

“No, a tunnel signifies space to travel through. I’ll be amazed if my fins don’t get ripped off from all these rocks.”

“Stop whining, it gets easier a little ways on.” Remus laughed, using his hands to pull himself forward. “But keep an eye out just in case, this place hasn’t been used in years.”

“Lovely.”

It took the better part of an hour to creep their way under city, but Remus noticed the difference once they had. The tunnel’s walls became smoother and wider, branching off in several directions. “We need to stay to the right and it should lead us…”

The words died in Remus’ throat.  

Ahead of them, where the tunnel should have been rising up toward the main building, was a mass of stone and rubble. Large hunks of rock piled nearly to the ceiling blocked off any access to several of the main tunnels. But that wasn’t what caught Remus’ attention. 

A bruised hand lay half hidden under the debris, the bracers around its wrist signifying membership in the royal guard. Remus felt terror clawing at his throat as he scanned the area again, finding more bodies, buried and broken. The only reason they would have been down here in these numbers was if the tunnels had been breached.

“No…” Remus swam closer, his body not feeling his own. 

Sirius was beside him then, the warmth of his body radiating out in waves.

“We’re too late. They’re already here. How-- how do -- how could they know about this passage? Not even Gideon and Fabian knew about it.” Looking down Remus noticed his hands were shaking and quickly balled them into fists.

“Who knew it was here?” Sirius asked quietly. His eyes were focused on a broken harpoon that jutted up from the stones, the muscles in his jaw bunching.

“My father… the healers, Peter…” Remus shook his head sharply. “We have to get up there, we need to go.” He moved crawled up the debris, already forming plans in his mind on how to crawl through the tunnel’s remaining space when he was halted by Sirius’ hand around his arm.

“Wait! Let me go first.” He unsheathed his knife, swimming ahead, his lips pressed into a thin line. 

Remus’ mind whirled, trying desperately to find answers. It didn’t make sense, none of the merfolk who knew about this passage would disclose its existence. Why were the guards here at all? His father never would have risked it. Who would even consider it as a means to enter the city?  _ Any mercenaries that came that way would have to be small _ , Remus thought, his eyes flitting over the strewn rocks and bodies.  _ But how much power did it take to bring down stone tunnels? _

The tunnels had been built by Lyall as an emergency exit for the attendants who remained close by during his transformations, one final defense should Remus ever manage to escape. In all his years it had only been used three times in order to secretly bring in healers after he had returned to his normal state. 

Remus swore as he squeezed himself between two rocks, Sirius’ outline barely visible in front of him. Was it the healers who had been pressured into breaking their silence? But how could Grimmauld know which merfolk to seek, whom to force answers from? 

Sirius let out a hiss of breath and Remus’ thoughts sharpened back to the present. Ahead of them was another body. His armor was Lupin, likely a guard that had been ordered to watch the tunnel following Remus’ sudden departure. Swimming further along two more mermen came into view and Remus felt close to being ill.

“Fuck the gods.” Sirius whispered, leaning down to examine the nearest merman, his fingers skimming over the deep gouge across his throat.  

“Grimmauld or Nurmengard?” Remus asked, his voice cracking.

“Nurmengard.” Sirius replied, straightening. “Do you have your knife still?” Remus nodded.“Do you know where to strike to bring down an enemy?”

“I…” Remus looked down at the merman crumpled at the tunnel floor then back up to Sirius. “No.” 

Sirius moved closer, wrapping his fingers over Remus’ so he gripped the knife more tightly in his hand. “If a merman gets close enough to attack, strike here -” He aimed the knife just below his ribs, angling the edge upwards “- or here.” He moved the blade up to the base of his throat, showing Remus how to slice across. “They may not bleed out, but they will be stunned enough to stop their attack. Quick jabs, use their momentum against them if you can.”

Remus swallowed, feeling numb. “How do you know this?”

A cold smile crossed Sirius’ lips. “I was raised to lead Grimmauld, Remus. My father refused to have a son that couldn’t kill.”

“You’ve killed?”

“Yes.” The reply was said simply.

“Who?” Remus asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

He sighed, looking away. “Soldiers from an opposing territory. During the summer months I was sent with a battalion to Hangleton. My father wanted to annex them, they didn’t. We… convinced them to change their minds.”

“Oh.”

Sirius looked at him, his expression pleading. “It wasn’t something I did willingly, Remus. I don’t want to hurt anyone else, but…”

“But?” Remus prompted.

“But, right now, that knowledge might help to keep you alive.” Sirius looked down the tunnel again. “We should keep moving, stay close to me.” He swam ahead, not looking back at the dead mermen.


	17. Chapter 17

All Remus could see were the bodies, broken and beaten and gone. It was too much for him to take in. How were so many merfolk from rural parts of the territory within the safety of the capital? There had been guards stationed, Remus knew, whose job it was to maintain order and control the influx of petitioners seeking asylum. Yet nearly every merperson he saw had the markings that assigned them as having provincial status. Some where complete family units, generations of merfolk who thought this place would protect them. Remus had to close his eyes as he saw a small child clutching at a rucksack. He wanted to tell himself that she was only sleeping, but believing such a lie would not change what had happened.

Eventually the shock of it morphed into a deep, constant ache. There was no end to the wounded. They whispered as he and Sirius passed, eyes wide and unsure. They must be quite a sight, he mused. The son of their chieftain side by side with a merman that no doubt resembled the soldiers who had attacked and looted their homes and villages. Sirius stared straight ahead, as though the whispers and curses thrown at him were motes of sand, too far beneath him to even be noticed.

Sirius had already brought down three mercenaries, striking with the knife in his hand, barely waiting to see whether the mermen were dead or wounded. Remus had flinched afterward when Sirius reached for his hand, regretting the involuntary movement almost immediately, and regretting even more the pain that had crossed Sirius’ face because of it. Remus had swallowed back his fear and grabbed his hand then, squeezing it hard enough to hurt. He hadn’t let go of it since.

“How far?” Sirius asked, glancing over his shoulder again. He expected someone to be following them, Remus knew.

“Just down this hall and we should reach his study. Sirius, what if he isn’t there?”

“Then we find your friends and we get you to safety.”

“But I can’t leave --”

Sirius yanked on his arm, forcing them to swim faster. “ _Yes_ , you can. If your father is gone or d- missing you need to be protected. As heir you have a responsibility, Remus. And if they find you, Lupin Territory will be overrun.”

“It already is overrun, Sirius!”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “No, Remus, it’s not. This is deliberate. They want to make you afraid, make you panic. Is this the hall?”

Remus nodded and swam ahead, his brows furrowed in confusion as he tried to wrap his mind around what Sirius was saying. All these deaths, all the destruction, it was a ploy to make him believe he’d already lost. The realization built into a cold knot of fear in his stomach. Whatever the two territories had planned, this was only the beginning of it.

The door to Lyall’s study was hanging off of one of its hinges, as though it had been bashed open. Remus swallowed back a cry of fear and swam faster, reaching to push it open further when Sirius dug his fingers into Remus’ shoulder, tugging him back and pushing him into a nearby wall.

“I go first.” Sirius whispered, then unsheathed his knife and swam closer. His fingertips resting on the broken edge of the door to carefully push the door further open, making a face at the way the door groaned in protest.

“This is the only way into his study?” Sirius asked, glancing over to Remus then starting at the sound of something toppling over from within the room. He and Remus shared a look and then with a clipped nod as Sirius pushed the door open the rest of the way, cringing as the last hinge gave way and the door toppled to the floor with a heavy thump. From within there was the sound of a merman cursing and then silence.

Remus hesitated for a moment then followed Sirius inside, nearly swimming into the merman. With one outstretched arm Sirius was trying to push him back out the door. “He’s not in here, Remus. We need to go.” The line of muscle down Sirius’ back tensed. Whatever he was seeing, he didn’t want Remus to see, that much was clear.

 _Could be it be Father?_ Remus thought with a sudden wave of panic. Sirius didn’t know what Lyall looked like. What if he was there? Remus knew if he was, he had to see it. He had to know for his own sake what was there. Acting fast he shoved Sirius forward causing him to lose his balance and quickly swam around him. His mind recoiled at what he saw.

Lyall’s study, once so neat and precise, laid in ruins. Bookshelves and alcoves were smeared with blood and torn off scales, the broken bodies of his father’s personal guard were shoved carelessly into a corner. Remus could feel vomit rising up in his throat as he looked away. His father’s desk had been smashed apart, their family’s personal collection of tablets and scrolls were destroyed and scattered across tables and floor. The destruction looked deliberate, whoever had come in here had been searching for something specific, but what?

Toward the back rooms, where the his father’s more prized manuscripts were held, the sound of someone shifting and debris settling could be heard. Remus didn’t think.

Sirius tried to grab his wrist and stop him, but he slipped through the merman’s fingers. His voice sounded far off as Remus swam through the rooms. His father was there, hiding. He was safe and they would both escape and it would be fine --

An arm collided with Remus, stunning him, then he was hauled backward, a crushing pressure against his throat. Remus thrashed trying to break free, fingers raking down the merman’s arm, his movements knocking over several scrolls. He tried to call out for Sirius but voice was trapped, gills trying desperately to move, to find air. The arm was locked in place, a counter pressure from the base of his skull and sparks filled his vision.

Fumbling, he reached for the knife at his belt, trying to remember what Sirius taught him; aim for the gills or below the ribs, use their momentum against them, strike fast and flee. His fingers felt numb and he gropedly blindly, his head was beginning to throb now, the room around him growing dimmer. He needed to reach his knife, he needed to _breathe_.

He felt the smooth handle of his knife graze his fingers and could have sobbed with relief. Not bothering to think he slashed out, cutting into the arm pressing against his throat and hearing the merman swear behind him as he let go. Remus sucked in air through his gills, gasping as he tried to swim away. He could hear Sirius calling his name, his voice getting closer. As he rounded the corner Remus was yanked back again, a knife replacing the arm that had been pressed against his throat.

Remus stilled, his heart thundering in his ears as the edge of the blade cut into his gills, daring him to move. From his peripheral vision he could see Sirius’ shadow, the curve of his tail moving slowly.

“Move and I kill him.”

Something slowly ticked over in Remus’ brain. “F-Fabian?”

Fabian jerked away, spinning Remus around, his eyes wide. “Amphitrite’s fucking tits. Remus! What are you doing -- where is Gideon?”

Sirius swam over, his knife clenched tightly in one hand, the other reaching for Remus’ and lacing their fingers together. His voice trembled as he leveled his gaze at the merman. “This is the first place we’ve been since sneaking into this hell.”

“Wha -- How?”

“It doesn’t matter how we got in, Fabian. Where is my father? I need to find him.”

A muscle bunched in Fabian’s jaw as he looked between Remus and Sirius. “A few of Nurmengard’s goons found us here trying to think of a way to get the merfolk out. I thought they were going to kill us all here, but they gave him an ultimatum, hand himself over and the slaughter would end. Peter and Gideon were supposed to escort him and come back here.”

Sirius’ grip on his hand tightened as he carefully maneuvered himself in front of Remus. “When did they leave?”

“Over an hour ago, they should be back by now.” Fabian’s eyes flicked back over to the doors that now laid useless on the floor. “I thought you were Death Eaters returning with them to finish the job they started.”

“They have Death Eaters? Shit. You’re absolutely sure they were Death Eaters?”

Fabian snorted. “Who else would Nurmengard’s goons be? They wore metal masks and used dark magic to kill any merfolk that tried to defend themselves, yeah they were Death Eaters.”

“We need to go. Remus, we need to get out of here _now_.” There was an edge of panic to Sirius, his movements clipped as he tried to drag Remus back to the hall.

“Sirius. Sirius, stop!” Remus yanked his hand free. “I’m not leaving. We didn’t come all this way just for me to abandon my father.” He took a steadying breath and looked over to Fabian. “How many Death Eaters?”

Fabian scrubbed his face. “From what I saw? Too many. At least twenty, maybe more.”

Remus swore, looking around the destroyed study. What would his father do? He had been here when Grimmauld came, what had he been trying to accomplish? Picking up one of the broken tablets, he tried to think. “Wherever they are, that’s where Gideon, Peter, and my father will be. They want us to come to them.”

“We can’t do that.” Sirius said quietly. “You are the only leverage we have, serving you up on a platter won’t save anyone.”

Remus looked from Sirius to Fabian, taking in their mirrored expressions of defeat and scrubbed a hand over his face. It wasn’t right, he and Sirius were supposed to come in and save them all. There had to be a solution, something Remus hadn’t seen or noticed yet, there was always a solution. He was in his father’s study, his war room, if there was a means of succeeding he would find it here.

He started grabbing for scrolls, eyes rapidly scanning to words: a treatise on aquatic horticulture, the previous year’s trading agreements with St Ottery, garrison counts… Remus smashed his fist against the table in frustration. Where were Lyall’s war plans? His father was known for his forethought and planning, there had to be something, he needed his father to tell him what to do, how to save them.

Something close to a scream ripped from his chest as Remus shoved the table away from himself. It felt good to hit something, to be angry. He couldn’t have fought to get this far only to run away. He wouldn’t run away again.

Two warm arms wrapped around him from behind, holding Remus close. He thrashed, slamming his fists against the body behind him, and the arms gripped him tighter. He could feel a forehead pressed against his shoulder, the voice quiet and steady.

“This isn’t going to save him Remus, we need to be calm or we will play into their plans.”

“He can’t -- I don’t know how to save him. Sirius I can’t --”

“I know, I know.” The arms around him didn’t loosen, but he could feel Sirius trembling as he let out a long breath. “We need to get you somewhere safe and then we’ll find a way to save them. If they kill your father they lose their leverage against you.”

The words slowly sunk in and he could feel Sirius’ arms relax as the tension left Remus’ body. He was right, if his father was killed there was no way of guaranteeing that Remus would play into their plans. He needed to out-think them.

They _would_ out-think them.

* * *

Remus couldn’t stand waiting.

He and Sirius had followed Fabian through a disused corridor and into the pantry rooms. The water felt musty and too close and heavy on his skin as he listened to another plan Sirius tried to work through, drawing lines in the chalky floor. What could three unarmed mermen do, though? They had nothing on their side.

“If I make them think I am turning myself over --”

Sirius gave a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he spoke. “Remus, no. We’ve talked about that already. Grimmauld won’t let you escape once they have you. They’ll kill you and your father and claim Lupin as the spoils of war. We need to wait.”

“And what does waiting, huddled in a closet accomplish?” Remus yelled, swimming back over to the doorway. “We don’t have any other options. Waiting here isn’t viable; eventually they will find us hiding here and kill us. If I’m going to die I want it to mean something.”

“Poseidon’s bloody _teeth_ , you aren’t going to swim into a shark’s mouth - no offense Sirius - and offer yourself up as a pointless sacrifice!”

“I am if it means saving whoever is still alive!”

Fabian let out a mirthless laugh and shook his head. He looked prepared to hit Remus to keep him from leaving. “You do that and we are all dead. Or, if we are fortunate, we’ll be sold into slavery.” He jutted his chin towards Sirius. “What are we waiting for? Unless sharks can conjure reinforcements we need to think of something.”

Sirius looked over at Fabian, the ghost of a smile flitting across his face. “Me personally? I can conjure a fish from an egg. But I know a few merfolk who can.”

It took a moment for Remus’ brain to catch up. “James and Lily? Gryffind?”

Sirius nodded, his smile growing.

There was no guarantee that James or any of his troops could be mustered fast enough to reach Lupin before Remus was forced into action, but at least it made better sense why Sirius had been so adamant that they find some place to hunker down. The more time they bought stalling the more likely it was that James would reach them in time.

Remus tried to be patient, but being aware of what was happening outside of this tiny room did little to calm his nerves. They were buying him time at the cost of lives, too many lives for Remus to count.

Fabian shifted where he sat next to a barrel of octopus eggs. “How will we know when your friend in here?”

Sirius ran his fingers over the shells and charms on his necklace until he touched a bit of sea glass. Pinching the light blue piece between his fingers he held it up so Fabian could see. “We have matching pieces. They can be used as a sort of communication device, when we are close to each other the color changes in the glass. It’s like a beacon of sorts.”

“As fascinating as that is, it doesn’t solve the problem of James getting inside the family apartments.” Remus tried to keep the edge out of his voice as he spoke.

Sirius laughed. “Don’t worry, he and Lily will take care of that.”

It was another twenty minutes or so before Remus heard it. A loud crack, as though something had broken. Part of the wall perhaps? But the noise was too sharp for that. Sirius was out of the door before he or Fabian had fully processed it, talking animatedly with himself. Fabian raised an eyebrow at him.

“You sure this is the merman you want to be your consort.”

Remus felt himself blush. “We have to save Lupin first before I can answer that honestly.”

Fabian laughed and swam out into the hall, his weapon at the ready. He swore loudly. “You crazy son of a bitch!”

“You best not insult the mother of your savior. Unless you mean Walburga, then by all means.”

Remus knew that voice. He swam so quickly out of the tiny room that he crashed into James, the other merman deftly catching him. Remus mumbled something that sounded close enough to ‘thank you’ and then looked around. “It’s just the two of you?”

“Lily can only apparate two people, even if it’s a relatively safe distance. My army is about a quarter of a league away from the capital waiting for the signal.”

Remus felt like he was missing something important. “Wh- What signal?”

Sirius touched his arm gently. “The one you are going to give. Or, I suppose technically Fabian will be giving it, but only us four will know that.”

* * *

The plan was ludicrous. That was all Remus could think as James and Lily tried to explain, for the third time, how they intended to wrap illusions around both Fabian and himself. The goal would be that they would take on the identity of the other merman, for however long the magic would hold.

Fabian would, disguised as Remus, pretend that he was handing himself over in exchange for the release of Gideon, Peter, and his father. He was then supposed to somehow get the three mermen to safety while activating a beacon stone that would indicate where the army should apparate to. If they managed to succeed.

“My father will know it’s not me, James.” Remus said, again, wishing he had room to swim and clear his head. But with the arrival of the two merfolk room in their little closet had become a precious commodity.

“He only has to believe it’s you long enough for Fabian to turn the beacon on and escape.”

“You’re saying that as though it’s easy.”

“It _is_ easy, compared to the alternative.” James said glibly.

Lily swam over and took Fabian’s face in her hands, tilting it side to side and humming to herself. “It’ll take a bit to make the switch look real, but they are close enough in size. Do you think you could swim with a list to one side?”

Fabian blinked at her and then nodded. “I, uh, sure?”

James and Sirius grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> A great big thank you to elliotasterion, highandlonelydestiny, JackNSallyGal, and SarahSelene for their feedback and offering to beta when they can. You four are absolute rockstars, like damn.
> 
> I love to hear what you think about my writing, please leave me a review! They really make my day. You can also find/talk to me on Tumblr as braveremus.


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